Last week was absolutely crazy at our house. Early in the week I began hearing what sounded like birds chirping in our attic, but I really only heard it in the mornings and when I would go upstairs to investigate, the chirping kind of stopped. On Wednesday evening, I mentioned it to my husband and we both heard a little chirping before we put our son to bed, but didn't think much of it.
Thursday morning, I sat down in the living room and heard what sounded like something falling behind the curtain on the office window. Thinking my 3 year old daughter had been playing in there and left something on the window sill, I sent her in to see what it was. The next thing I know my precious daughter comes running back to the couch screaming, "It's a bird! It's a bird!" (I know Mom of the Year Award goes to me).
My first thought was to get the kids out of the house and then go get my neighbor to help me. We started to go out the front door and the bird started flying towards us, so out the back door we went. My neighbor was not home, so I called my husband who was able to leave work an hour later to come home and deal with the bird situation.
We discovered that afternoon that we not only had a bird in house, we had a FAMILY of birds in our attic.To give a little explanation, our home has a finished attic with two rooms, which are perfect for our kids bedrooms. My son's room has been completely remodeled, but my daughter's room has only been demoed, which means there are no walls and the birds were able to freely move about the room. My husband and I even got to watch one of the baby birds hop around the room before hopping back to the nest. We knew then that this was more than we could handle.
I like to think that my husband and I are pretty humane people, so we knew we did not want to kill the birds. We called around to several animal removal places for assistance. Pretty much everyone we called could not come out until the following day, which was worrisome to say the least, but we finally found one guy who was willing to come out late that afternoon.
The wonderful man came out to our house and did a thorough inspection identifying 3 or 4 holes in the exterior of our home through which all sorts of fun wild life could enter. The guy told us that he would be able to remove the birds and the nest, fix up the holes (although not until the next week) and spray a special cleaner that would get rid of any germs the birds might have brought in along with taking care of the bird mites that had begun to form. This was exactly the assurance we needed, until he informed us of that all of this would cost us just $2 shy of $1000.
I am not ashamed to say that I felt physically ill at that point. We did not have an extra $1000 lying around, heck we did not have $1000 at all. Thankfully we were able to split it up into 2 payments, paying half that day and the rest when the job was done. We knew that we had to at least get the birds out and the mites taken care of that day and we agreed to deal with the holes in the house for a week until we could get paid and get the guy back out to the house.
Later that evening, I made the comment about going to the store to pick up a few things when my husband informed me that there was no money. He had already paid several bills that morning and the $500 we had to pay for the bird removal would completely wipe out our bank account. As I stood in our kitchen staring at our very empty shelves, fear set in. I took a silent inventory of the food we had in the house: a partial box of rice, a box of mac and cheese, a can of corn and two cans of whole potatoes, a box of cereal, some chicken nuggets, and a partial package of hot dogs. That was it, there was no other food.
It felt like I was punched in the gut as I realized I did not have enough food to feed my kids for the week. I went into the bathroom and had a full on meltdown. I sobbed for several minutes and hyperventilated as the fear fully set in. I cannot remember a time that I have been so afraid. We have been in tight financial situations before, but there was always something there: a little bit of money in the savings, a visit from family that would result in extra money being left on the table, something. This time, there was nothing.
I went to bed that night still afraid and feeling very dejected. The next morning, I simply did not want to get out of bed. Everything just seemed too much to handle. I was not trusting God and I was afraid.
The kids and I ended up spending the day at the seminary where my husband manages a coffee shop due to Mama Bird still flying around some. The hubby and I were very transparent with our friends, telling them exactly what was going on and just how much money we were having to pay. Several people offered us encouragement and prayed with us. One of the many benefits of working on a seminary is that everyone puts you to the only real provider, God!
Over the next 48 hours God showed up for us in really big ways. We found an envelope with $300 on the windshield of our car that afternoon. The next day, a friend and I were talking about all that happened and how we were having to deal with the Mama Bird still flying in because of having to wait for payday to patch the holes. This friend without missing a beat, offered to lend us $500 so we could get the holes taken care of sooner. Then another friend completely took us by surprise by giving us another $100. Needless to say there have been a lot of tears of joy and repentance over the last few days.
I don't trust God like I should. When things are going good, I can talk about all the times that God has shown up and provided in the past, but when the circumstances get tough, I cannot seem to recall those times. I don't believe that God is going to show up this time, even though he has never failed me in the past. I believe that I am in control and when God reminds me that I am not, I get upset and throw a tantrum like a toddler. I think I am strong, and when God reveals my weakness, I fight back and get mad.
Yesterday at church we began a 14 week series studying revivals in the Old Testament. The first sermon was about Hannah in 1 Samuel. Our pastor said something that was really profound and kind of hit me in the gut.
"God uses brokenness as a building block for Revival. God doesn't meet us when we put our best foot forward-he meets us in the midst of our weakness." Daniel Montgomery
Daniel spoke on how the pattern for revival is the same throughout the Bible: humble yourself before the Lord. My husband looked over at me and asked, "is that what is going on with us right now?" We are not a very humble couple. In fact, we take pride in our ability to scheme and provide for our family and we like to believe that we are in control. We are not good at being transparent with our community and being honest and humble about our struggles. It is hard for us, especially me, to remember that everything we have comes from God. I can speak the truth to others and even be moved by a song that calls me to remember all I have is Christ, but deep down I don't believe it.
It is amazing the things God can use to teach us more about himself. For me, he used a bird nest and a creepy Mama Bird flying around my house to show me that he is trustworthy. God is showing me my weakness so that I will humble myself before him. God is meeting me in the midst of my chaos and feelings of incompetence and fear and showing me how incomparable and trustworthy he truly is.
