Submitting Even When I Don't Want To

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Ephesians 5:22-23 - "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior."

Colossians 3:1 - "Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord."

1 Peter 3:1-2 - "Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct."

   Sometimes this command is very easy for me. When my husband wants to switch cell phone carriers, I have no problem submitting to his will. When my husband says that we should move our money to a different bank, I go with it because I trust him. When my husband feels called to a different job, I voice my concerns, but ultimately leave the decision to him because I know that he wants what is best for our family. Although my husband is a wonderful leader, there are times when submitting to his leadership is not easy.
    Submission becomes difficult when my husband's leading prevents me from doing something I want to do. It is a rare situation for me to want something that is in opposition to what my husband wants, we are usually on the same page, but there have been times in our 8 years of marriage when we have wanted different things and not seen eye to eye. It is times like these when I need the Holy Spirit more than ever to help me fight the flesh.
     My youngest sister died just a month ago and her death has hit my family hard. My other sister and I want to do something to honor our sister's memory, and we settled on getting tattoos. My youngest sister loved tattoos and we thought getting matching tattoos of one her tattoos would be a fitting and appropriate tribute. There is one problem, my husband does not like tattoos, in fact he has a major problem with tattoos. I know that my husband does not like tattoos, but I wanted so desperately to get one in memory of my sister that I asked for his permission. It was not easy for me to ask my husband to allow me to do this because I knew he would not be thrilled with it. My hope was that he would understand my motives and grant me this request. 
     However, though he has not flat out said "no," my husband has made his feelings about the tattoo clear and I cannot in good conscience get one. I want to so desperately, but I can't. I must ultimately submit to my husband, even though it means not doing something I want very much.
    I know there are many people who will find my choice to obey my husband difficult to swallow. They are probably thinking, "why shouldn't you get a tattoo if you want one, it's your body!" Through a secular worldview that may be true, it is my body, but I live with a Biblical worldview that says a wife's body belongs to her husband, just as a husband's body belongs to his wife. I can't get a tattoo because my body is not my own, it now belongs to my husband.
    Others may think that I am a brainless doormat who is incapable of making my own decisions, and that is not true. I am not submitting to my husband because I am a doormat and can't make my own choices, on the contrary I am making the choice to honor my husband and not do something I really want. When I got married I promised to submit myself to his leadership and I am not one to break my promise.
     Though I know why submitting to my husband is the right thing to do, that does not make this any easier. I still want a tattoo and I have at times over the past month nagged and pestered my husband to give me the answer I want. I want very much for him to say, "Hey babe, I know this means a lot to you, and although I don't really agree with it, I am still going to let you do it." But that just isn't how life works.
      I could be spiteful and get the tattoo anyway. At one point, my husband was so tired of me asking about the tattoo that he told me to just do what I wanted to do. I could have taken that answer and run off to get the tattoo, but where would that have left our relationship. My husband would have felt a lot of resentment towards me and every time he saw the tattoo he would feel angry and hurt and remember how I did something he didn't want. I have to think about what I want more, a tattoo or my husband to be pleased with me. 
      It is not easy to submit to my husband when I don't agree with it or when submitting means I can't do something I want. My selfish flesh wants what I want and no one can tell me what to do. However, I am no longer my own, but I am a child of God and my being God's child means I have a different expectation for how I should live. This does not mean that I am always joyful in my submission or that I don't express my disappointment to me husband. This also does not mean that I am completely giving up what I want to make my husband happy. I am still praying that he will one day change his mind. I have made my desires known to my husband and the conversations still continue.
    Being submissive is not always easy. I also imagine it is very hard to be in my husband's shoes, carrying the weight of all our families decisions and disappointing me at times. But I cannot speak from that perspective, I can only speak from mine, in the role of the submissive party. The world would tell me to stop letting my husband rule over me and to make my own decisions and live my own life, and that would be the easiest thing to do, although that mindset might also lead to me living my own life without my husband. *Disclaimer: I am not in any way claiming that my husband would leave me if I got a tattoo, however, if I lived selfishly for myself all the time and only did what I wanted and did not consider my husband's wishes, it could very well cause irreparable damage to our relationship.*
     I must remember that I am not called to live by the world's standards, but I am instead called to live by God's standards, and God's word is very clear. I am commanded to submit to my husband as the head of my family, plain and simple. That means that I am to trust him to make the right choices for our family. It also means that even when I don't want to, I am to submit to his wishes. I don't have to like it and I am not called to be silent when there is something I want. I am well within my role as a godly wife to make my desires known to my husband and to plead with him to see my point of view, but in the end I am called to submit to his leading. 
    I don't want to submit to my husband all the time, but I choose to do it anyway. Apart from my relationship with God, the relationship I have with my husband is the most important one in my life. We are called to live out an earthly example of Christ and the church, and just as the church submits to Christ, I must submit to my husband. Yes, I want to do all the things I want to do, but I want a good relationship with my husband more, even if that means sacrificing my desires for him.