Thirteen years ago this was the topper on the cake at our wedding rehearsal dinner. It was done as a joke, based in reality. When Aaron and I first started dating almost 15 years ago, we fought ALL THE TIME. And I am not exaggerating. Some people were surprised that we are actually getting married. In the early days, we were both very passionate, loved being right, and were not very good at compromising. Much of our dating relationship took place during the days of Instant Messenger (think Facebook with less people and no ads) and we would leave passive aggressive away messages about each other every time we got into a fight. It was an ugly mess, because we equated drama with passion.
The first few years of our marriage were honestly not much better. We would still fight about everything and spend days on end in a huff, giving each other the silent treatment and talking about how ridiculous the other was to our friends and respective families. Peace and unity were not the priority, but instead winning at any cost. In those days, we would say words to intentionally hurt the other person just so we could win the argument. Looking back on those days, while there was much love and many good memories, I also see two very sinful kids who had no idea what marriage was really about.
In our third year of marriage, God moved us away from everyone and everything we knew so that Aaron could attend seminary in Louisville, KY. While I knew we were doing the right thing in following God's will, I had never felt more alone than in those first few years in Louisville. It took several months for me to find a job and it was very hard for me to make friends. All I wanted to do was go back home to my momma and what was familiar to me. Aaron and I were still not communicating well and after about six months in Louisville, we found out that I was pregnant with Sophia. I felt even more isolated and I was absolutely terrified at the thought of raising two kids without the support of family nearby.
Aaron and I do not romanticize those early years in Louisville, instead we see them for what they were: the hardest time in our marriage where calling it quits seemed like the easiest option. It is hard to admit, but there were many times during those days that I was ready to pack up the kids and leave. I was bottling up my feelings, crying alone at night, and waiting for Aaron to magically read my mind and know what was going on inside of me. Aaron was overwhelmed with working to support our growing family and working towards his masters degree and probably frustrated with a wife who was moody and that he could never seem to make happy.
It took a lot of time and even more work, but we made it through the "dark years" and came out the other side more connected, stronger, and more in love than ever. We finally learned how to communicate and compromise and the importance of not letting things stew and fester. Now, 13 years into this marriage journey, I would say that we are the strongest and closest we have ever been. We have had to lean on each other and God as we faced trials that seemed insurmountable and we have rejoiced together at blessings beyond our imagination.
While we are no where near experts on marriage, we have learned a lot in our 13 years as man and wife, and I can say truthfully, that this man God blessed me with is truly my best friend. I don't think there has ever been a day when I did not LOVE Aaron, but there were definitely a lot of days when I did not LIKE him at all. When we first got married, we were naive enough to think that LOVING each other was all we would ever need. We had no idea how important it was to actually LIKE your spouse. Now there is honestly no one else I would rather spend time with than Aaron (especially during football season when the Panthers are playing). What a blessing it is to be married to your best friend.
Today we are celebrating 13 years of marriage. We fought hard to get to this point, but I can honestly say every moment was worth it. We have grown closer with each move (grand total to date is 6 moves across 3 states). I have loved watching Aaron become Daddy to Elias, Sophia, and most recently Eliana. Each day I wake up and choose to love Aaron, and through God's blessing, my love for him grows every morning. These past few years have been beautiful and people who have only known us in this season find it hard to believe we weren't always like this. Now we are the couple who probably makes other people sick, we are always touching each other, always near each other, and genuinely like each other. We don't do well if we are apart for too long - it's even hard on the weeks when Aaron has to work multiple long days. Someone yesterday said that we are always attached, and it is true. I love this man of mine and I am so thankful that God gave him to me. 13 down, a lifetime left to go.
