A Sweet Reminder of The Joy of Motherhood

      My husband and I never planned on having another baby after our son was born. We had experienced a very traumatic labor in which we almost lost him, and I really did not want to go through that again. We had in our minds the plan that should play out for our family, but God, he had a different plan. God knew that until Sophia became a part of our family, that we would not be complete. Sophia made our family whole.
       Sophia has been dramatic and a diva since she was in the womb. She has always been one to make her presence and feelings known. You never have to guess what Sophia is feeling because she feels everything exponentially. Sophia can light up a room with a simple smile or gesture or she can bring down a room with a scream. She wears her emotions on her sleeve.
        I struggle sometimes with understanding my daughter. She is sometimes so different from me and our personalities don't always mesh. Sophia is independent and strong-willed and a free thinker; while I am independent, I have always been more of a rule follower who tried to do the right thing. I like the box, and Sophia does not like to be contained.
         There are days when Sophia and I clash and our home is far from peaceful. I have a friend whose daughter is similar to Sophia and we often encourage each other with the reminder that one day this stubborn, strong-willed attitude will serve her very well. I know that when Sophia gets older, she will not be easily swayed and that she will have no problem taking a stand for what she wants. Sophia is going to grow up to be the kind of woman who refuses to settle for less than what she deserves and she is going to fight for what she thinks is right. But right now when she is three, these character traits tend to push my buttons more times than not.
         And then there are moments when other aspects of her personality shine through. Moments when she does something that absolutely melts my heart and makes me remember just how blessed I am that I get to be Sophia's mom. Moments like this one:

     
            This weekend my sister was able to capture a very sweet moment between my daughter and me. Sophia was exhausted after traveling for 6 hours the night before and playing hard with her brother and cousin all afternoon. She climbed up into my lap and before long she had fallen asleep. I love this picture. It reminds me why I get up every morning. Moments like the one in this picture are why I quit my teaching job to stay home with my kids. I cannot even imagine a life in which Sophia is not present. Yes, Sophia and I may butt heads and odds are good that our personalities will clash many times over the years to come, but she is my girl and I would not trade her for the world.

     

A Goal Accomplished

       On Tuesday of this week I completed a goal that I began working on February 25, 2014. It was that day that I sat down a created an actual outline for my first book. Well, to be honest my goal began on February 18, 2014 with one of my most popular blog posts to date: Today I Hate My Body. This blog post was the catalyst for my book. I stepped out of my comfort zone and joined a Facebook group at the beginning of March called 30 Days of Hustle and I shared with that group my goal of writing a book. The purpose of doing joining this group and sharing my goal was to be encouraged and also held accountable to actually writing the book.
        I will admit that I was really scared to write a book. I feared that I do not possess the talent necessary to write a book. I feared that I would not finish since I have started many a project that have yet to be completed. I feared that I would fail.
        There were only 4 people who have known that I was writing a book since that day in February: my parents, my sister, and my husband. I later told a close friend and then even later I told the women in my Community Group. I did not want to tell people in case I did not finish. I was terrified of letting everyone down or being seen as a failure. It took a lot of courage for me to actually tell people that I was starting this journey. I knew that I would never actually finish unless there was a core group of people who could journey with me and push me towards the finish line.
        Well on Tuesday, March 25, 2014 I wrote the final words of the first draft of my book!

          I have sent the book to some people for editing and I am preparing to begin the next stage: revision! For those who have been on this journey with me from the beginning and for those who are just joining this journey now, here are some things you can pray for me and also ways you can encourage me:

1. Pray that I will be committed to the process-it would be very easy for me to just say, "I've written it and now I'm done".
2. Pray that I will accept the feedback well-I struggle with criticism, especially in regards to my writing. I need to see the feedback as ways to help improve my book.
3. Pray that I will find the words to "thicken" the book-currently the book is very short, and I feel that I do need to add to it-right now that seems difficult
4. Pray that I will remember that this is my first book and it will not make me rich and famous-pray that I will remember that this is to His Glory, not my own

        So to close, cheers to an accomplished goal and cheers to the next phase! It feels really good to be in this moment!

Joy and Grace in the Daily Mundane Life

    Time for confession and repentance. I don't always like being a stay-at-home mom and the keeper of the home. I kind of despise the fact that I have to load the dishwasher EVERYDAY. It gets on my nerves that the day after I get all of the laundry folded and put away, there is another basket of clothes waiting to be washed. I get really angry at the fact that within 30 minutes of me cleaning up the living room it is messy again. I have stopped trying to organize the playroom, because within 5 minutes all the toys are thrown around the room. In those moments, I am not a pleasant person and it is hard for me to see the joy or God's grace in my life.
     Before I continue, let me be clear that I LOVE being a wife and mom and I am truly thankful for the opportunity to be able to be home with my kids. I am looking forward to the opportunity to begin homeschooling next year and being the one who is instructing my children. I would not trade my life, even on the bad days, for anything. This post is a confession that I allow the mundane and monotony of being a homemaker rob me of my joy and blind me to God's many graces.
     For example, last night as I was getting ready to go to bed I walked through the kitchen and realized that I had not loaded the dishwasher yet, so the sink was overflowing. I had known all afternoon that I needed to load the dishwasher, but I had just done it the day before and I kept putting it off. I was tired of the monotony and I procrastinated to the point that I had to stay up an extra 20 minutes to unload and reload the dishwasher. To put it nicely, my thoughts and actions in those 20 minutes were not glorifying. As I laid down to prepare for sleep all I could think about was how much I hate doing the dishes everyday. I allowed my disdain for the mundane to keep me from remembering all the good things that happened that day.
      Yesterday was actually a break from the monotony of my day-to-day life. I did not have to nanny yesterday, so I got an entire day with just my daughter. We were able to go to the zoo with a couple of friends and that was wonderful. I was reminded yesterday of how precious is the gift of friendship. My daughter and I were able to eat lunch with my husband at work and then we got to come home and nap together on the couch for 30 minutes. There were many moments of joy yesterday, but I could not recall any of them because I was wallowing in my sin of anger and resentment at having to do the same task yet again.
      This morning I decided to make a change. I am realizing that my attitude is trickling down to my children. My kids have a hard time identifying the good things that happen each day and I think that has to do with my lack of modeling it. I know that if I am going to change my heart to focus more on joy and God's grace, I am going to need the power of the Spirit working in my heart. To be able to speak truth into my heart, I must first know the truth, so I spent some time in the Word this morning searching for verses about joy. Here is a list of what I found.

      Ecclesiastes 9:7 - "Go, eat your bread with joy, and drink your wine with a merry heart, for God has already approved what you do."

     Romans 15:13 - "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."

    Isaiah 12:5-6 - "Sing praises to the Lord, for he has done gloriously; let this be made known in all the earth. Shout, and sing for joy, O inhabitant of Zion, for great in your midst is the Holy One of Israel."

    Psalm 16:9, 11 - "Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure...You make known to me the path of life; in your presences there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

    1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 - "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

    Psalm 118:24 - "This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."

    As I meditate on these words of truth I am convicted to be more intentional about identifying the moments of joy and evidences of God's graces in my day-to-day life. This morning I decided to make a change in the attitudes of my family. As the kids and I were driving to school, I told them that we were going to start taking time each night during our family devotion and prayer time to share a moment of joy and an evidence of God's grace from the day. I took time to talk to the kids about the importance of focusing on joy and God's grace so that we don't became angry and frustrated. I then gave them examples from the past couple of days of God's grace and moments of joy.
     To end this post I want to share a few moments of joy from just this morning:

• First thing this morning Sophia came into my bathroom and asked me if the baby I nanny for was still sick, when I told her no, she brushed her hand across her forehead and said, "shew". Precious
• In the car, Sophia said, "stupid is a bad word" (which in our family it is). Eli was about to tattle on her, when I asked her, "if it is a bad word, why did you say it?" Sophia paused for a few seconds and then with the cutest look on her face she said, "no, no, no, I didn't..." It was just so cute that I had to smile.
• Frozen is a current favorite thing in our house and we listen to the soundtrack EVERY TIME we get in the car and this morning my 3 year old was singing "Let It Go" at the top of her lungs-adorable
• My son offered to help his sister put her cup in the cup holder without being asked
• My son gave me the biggest kiss before walking into school and then looked back at me before going in the door
• I get to have lunch with my husband again today
• Tonight I get to spend time in community with some pretty awesome couples

     I have so much joy in my life and God's grace is so evident that it is time to stop allowing the mundane and monotonous rob me of experiencing the life God has blessed me with to the fullest.