Giving Voice To a Dream

        This weekend I told my husband something that I have never really said out loud before. I shared a secret dream that had been a part of me since fifth grade, but had not seemed like a reality. I gave voice to a big dream that will hopefully change my career path. I said the words, "I want to be a writer."
         I wrote my first short story when I was in Mrs. Lamb's fifth grade class at EJ Hayes Elementary School in Williamston, NC. I don't remember what it was about, other than I think there was a castle involved, but I do remember the feeling I had when my teacher and my parents told me it was good. It was the first time I ever felt really good at something. That feeling has never really left me.
         Written word has always been a strength for me. I suck at drawing, I can't even draw stick people correctly. To this day the thought of having to draw something makes me anxious. The only way I have ever been able to bring to life the pictures inside my head is to write out the description. Writing has been something that just came naturally to me and something that I had a passion for.
          However, I also had another passion-to be a teacher. I loved kids, especially kids with special needs and I knew that I wanted to be a teacher. It was around my junior year of high school that I began to throw all of my energy into becoming a special education teacher. Writing became less important, although there were times when I would think back on it with longing and fondness. I was going to be a teacher and becoming a writer was just a dream, not a reality.
          I want to say right now that I really did love teaching. I was a special education teacher for 8 years in 2 different states. I loved my students and my job and I was a good teacher. Had you asked, I would have even said I was happy being a teacher. I thought I was in the career from which one day I would retire.
         Then my daughter was born and she stayed sick the first year and a half of her life. It quickly became evident that we needed to get her out of daycare. An opportunity arose for me to be a nanny and with that opportunity I would be able to stay home with my kids. So at the end of the 2011-2012 school year I quit my teaching job and became a stay-at-home mom/nanny.
         During the first year at home I dabbled in several avenues for my creativity. I started a small business making handmade bags and girls clothing and quilts. Then I branched out to crocheting hats for babies and children. I had an etsy shop and a Facebook page and at times I would dream of that becoming my "career." But it quickly became evident that I was not offering anything unique and that, at best, I had a hobby that I could make some money off of.
          Then in December of 2013 I started this blog, mainly because I felt I had something to add to the Santa debate. When I finished that first blog post, it was like someone lit a fire deep inside of me and I felt something that I had not felt in a long time. I felt more than pride, I felt like I was fulfilling my calling. Writing that blog post was my first baby step towards my dream.
         Over the next couple of months I posted on my blog a couple of times a week. Most of the things I wrote got maybe 20-30 views, but that was okay with me. I was writing and I was happy. In February I wrote the blog post that would spark my next baby step. I wrote about my struggle with body image and in one day my post had over 100 views. That had never happened before and I was really excited.
         A couple of days later I took another baby step and I outlined my first book based on the original body image blog post. For several weeks, my outline was just that, a simple outline of a book that I might want to write.
         In March I joined Jon Acuff's 30 Days of Hustle and I committed to actually writing my first book. And I did! My first book is not going to be a game changer, but it is mine! It's really short and we will probably just publish it ourselves as an e-book, but it is the first giant step towards my goal of becoming an author.
        April began a new month of 30 Days of Hustle and I committed to finishing the fiction novel that I timidly began a year ago. Through the encouragement of my hustle group and family I went from having just over 7,000 words to over 22,000 words written in a week. The more I see my vision come to life on the page, the more I realize that I want to be an author.
       It is scary to admit to having a big dream like that. I might not have what it takes. It may be a dream that takes years before it actually can become my full-time job. It's a dream that requires sacrifice and dedication. When it was a dream inside my head, it wasn't so scary because no one else would know if I made it or not. Now it is a dream that I am sharing with everyone (or at least the people who will actually read this blog post) and everyone will know if I fail or if I succeed. That used to scare me, but I'm not so afraid anymore.
        My passion is written word and one day I want to walk into a book store and see my books on the shelf. My name is Lisa and I am going to be an author!

A Goal Accomplished

       On Tuesday of this week I completed a goal that I began working on February 25, 2014. It was that day that I sat down a created an actual outline for my first book. Well, to be honest my goal began on February 18, 2014 with one of my most popular blog posts to date: Today I Hate My Body. This blog post was the catalyst for my book. I stepped out of my comfort zone and joined a Facebook group at the beginning of March called 30 Days of Hustle and I shared with that group my goal of writing a book. The purpose of doing joining this group and sharing my goal was to be encouraged and also held accountable to actually writing the book.
        I will admit that I was really scared to write a book. I feared that I do not possess the talent necessary to write a book. I feared that I would not finish since I have started many a project that have yet to be completed. I feared that I would fail.
        There were only 4 people who have known that I was writing a book since that day in February: my parents, my sister, and my husband. I later told a close friend and then even later I told the women in my Community Group. I did not want to tell people in case I did not finish. I was terrified of letting everyone down or being seen as a failure. It took a lot of courage for me to actually tell people that I was starting this journey. I knew that I would never actually finish unless there was a core group of people who could journey with me and push me towards the finish line.
        Well on Tuesday, March 25, 2014 I wrote the final words of the first draft of my book!

          I have sent the book to some people for editing and I am preparing to begin the next stage: revision! For those who have been on this journey with me from the beginning and for those who are just joining this journey now, here are some things you can pray for me and also ways you can encourage me:

1. Pray that I will be committed to the process-it would be very easy for me to just say, "I've written it and now I'm done".
2. Pray that I will accept the feedback well-I struggle with criticism, especially in regards to my writing. I need to see the feedback as ways to help improve my book.
3. Pray that I will find the words to "thicken" the book-currently the book is very short, and I feel that I do need to add to it-right now that seems difficult
4. Pray that I will remember that this is my first book and it will not make me rich and famous-pray that I will remember that this is to His Glory, not my own

        So to close, cheers to an accomplished goal and cheers to the next phase! It feels really good to be in this moment!