It's been a while since I last posted because life got in the way. This particular post has been bouncing around in my brain since Wednesday and this is the first moment that I have taken to actually sit down and write it.
It all began on Tuesday. The hubby and I were having a bad day. We were both in some physical pain (his back, my neck), we were both tired and really irritable. The kids and I met up with the hubby after he got off work and I felt like I could do not say or do anything right. Instead of talking to my husband, I simply shut down and gave him the silent treatment. When I did speak to him, it was terse and short. The silent treatment lead to me thinking really mean thoughts about my husband. Things like, "he never helps me with the kids" (which he does quite a lot) and "I hate that stupid phone, he is always on it" (which he's not and I am just as bad about). Once we got home, he and I spent the rest of the night in separate rooms not talking. It was a long and miserable evening.
The next morning, I texted him with an apology and when we saw each other again after work we had a good talk about what had upset each of us and exchanged more apologizes and offered up forgiveness. Want to know the really bad thing about all of this? The whole time I was mad, I knew I was being ridiculous. The Holy Spirit kept prompting me to love my husband and talk to him, but I chose to ignore the Spirit. Instead, I fed myself several lies that I believe that we all, but especially women, tell ourselves when our man (or woman) hurts us.
The first lie is "if he's gonna be nasty, than so am I." We believe that karma (even if we don't use that name) is at play. We tell ourselves that what goes around comes around and he is only getting what he deserves. But there is no place for karma in the Christian life or the Christian marriage.
Proverbs 24:29 - "Do not say, 'I will do to him as he has done to me; I will pay the man back for what he has done.'"
Romans 12:17 - "Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all."
When we claim Christ, we claim his word and all that he is about. Because I claim Christ, it is not okay for me to "get back" at my husband or to "teach him a lesson," I am called to more than that; I am called to leave the idea of karma behind. Karma says "I get what's coming to me," but Christianity says "I get what's coming to Christ, glory and honor." I am to replicate the love and grace shown to me by God in all areas of my life, but especially in my marriage.
Along with the first lie, the second lie tells me that I am justified in my anger. Because my husband has done something to hurt or wrong me, I am allowed to wallow in hurt and anger and to hold it all against him. However, Scripture tells me something very different.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 - "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, endures all things."
1 Peter 4:8 - "Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins."
Even when the world, or my own pride, tells me that I am justified in my anger and resentment, God's word tells me that real love is contrary to that. Because of my love for my husband, there is no more "I"m justified." When I am focused on the sin, or perceived sin, of my husband, I am incapable of loving him well. When I am loving him earnestly, I am able to see my love for him as opposed to the sin. Because I love him I do not hold his sins against him. When sin does need to be addressed, I do not approach the sin with justice and anger, but instead I approach the sin with love and grace.
A final lie that I believe is that my husband "knows." That is a big lie that we women like to believe. Our man says or does something that hurts our feelings and instead of telling him, we sulk and let it stew and wait for him to realize what he did. We like to believe that he knows what he did, but sometimes, he honestly does not know. Many times in my marriage, I have had to bring to my husband's attention times when he speaks harshly or makes a comment that he meant in jest, but in fact cut deep. It's not that my husband is an oblivious moron, it's that we perceive things differently and he is not in my head. It is not fair for me to stay mad at my husband without talking to him and telling him why I am mad.
Mark 10:7-9 - "'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate."
Colossians 3:13 - "bearing with one another and if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has also forgiven you, so you must also forgive."
My husband and I are now one. There is no longer two separate individuals, but rather two parts to one whole. It is not fair for me to shut down on my husband and treat him poorly, because that is like shutting down on myself. He is a part of me now. I can't just expect him to figure it out and come groveling to me for forgiveness. I have been told that I must bear with my husband, and that includes bringing my complaints to him. But most importantly, I have been called to forgive my husband. Those of us who are in Christ have experienced forgiveness that is unfathomable. We all deserve death and hell, and yet God in his infinite grace, through the death and resurrection of his son, has shown us all forgiveness. Not only does God forgive us, he no longer holds our sins against us. And just like God has forgiven me, I am called to forgive my husband and to not hold things against him.
I want to end on something that really convicted me as I searched the Scripture, something that is not comfortable to talk about and something that I honestly wish wasn't in the Bible. Four times in Proverbs it talks about how bad it is to have a quarrelsome wife.
Proverbs 27:15 - "A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are the same."
Proverbs 19:13 - "A foolish son is ruin to his father, and a wife's quarreling is a continual dripping of rain."
Proverbs 21:9 and 25:24 -"It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife."
Dude, these verses suck! When I was younger I used to think how archaic and sexist these verses were. I mean what kind of jerk would write such a thing. I bet the wife had every right to be "quarrelsome" because the husband probably sat on his butt all day barking orders. Then I read these verses on Wednesday after I spent the better part of the previous evening being a quarrelsome wife, and it was like a sucker punch to the gut. Maybe I didn't verbally fight or argue with my husband, but I definitely brought him misery. I treated my husband like dirt and believed the lie that I was justified in doing such. It is hard to admit when we are being quarrelsome women.
These verses not archaic or even sexist. These verses speak truth into the marriage relationship. Wives are called to bring their husbands joy, not misery (and vice versa). It would break my heart if my husband ever felt that I was a quarrelsome wife.
It is important to remember that a Christian marriage should not reflect the world, it should reflect Christ. Jesus was not quarrelsome and he most definitely did not bear any resentment towards the throngs of people who wronged him. When I take hold of the banner of Christ, I am claiming him as my identity and I am trusting in the Spirit to sanctify me daily to be more like my Jesus. In those moments when I want to give into my anger and resentment, I have to lean on the truth of Scripture and remember that I am called to more than that. I am called to love my husband well and to allow that love to cover his sins. I am called to be a source of joy for my husband. I don't have all of this down yet, but thankfully I have a lifetime with my man to get better at it.
Friday, April 25, 2014
Thursday, April 17, 2014
The Prayer of Jesus Before He Was Betrayed
Today I studied John 17. A lot of people like to look at Jesus' prayer in the garden as recorded in Matthew 26:36-46, Mark 14:32-42, and Luke 22:39-46 as they remember the cross. Jesus' prayer in the garden is a beautiful reminder of Christ's humanity and his unfaltering obedience to the Father and his plan of salvation. I myself have looked Jesus' prayer in the garden in preparation of Easter to remind myself of the great sacrifice made for me, but this year I am doing things differently.
John 17 is the prayer that Jesus prays after he has finished his speech to the disciples. In the very next chapter, Jesus is betrayed by Judas and begins the final stage of his journey to the cross. Jesus knew what was getting ready to happen and in this chapter we see another dimension of what was on Christ's mind as he headed towards the cross. This is not to negate the prayer recorded in the other gospels, I feel it just gives us more insight into the magnitude of what Jesus did for us on the cross.
As I read through this prayer today I asked myself three questions which I am going to share with you along with the answers I found.
1. What does Jesus pray for in John 17?
John 17 is the prayer that Jesus prays after he has finished his speech to the disciples. In the very next chapter, Jesus is betrayed by Judas and begins the final stage of his journey to the cross. Jesus knew what was getting ready to happen and in this chapter we see another dimension of what was on Christ's mind as he headed towards the cross. This is not to negate the prayer recorded in the other gospels, I feel it just gives us more insight into the magnitude of what Jesus did for us on the cross.
As I read through this prayer today I asked myself three questions which I am going to share with you along with the answers I found.
1. What does Jesus pray for in John 17?
- He prays that all will know eternal life which is in Jesus Christ, who was sent by God
- He is asking that he (Jesus) will be glorified (and thus glorify God) and that he will experience the glory he had with the Father before the world existed.
- He prays for his disciples and all those who believe because they will be left in this world. He prays for their protection, not that they will be removed from this world, but that they will be protected from the evil one, Satan.
- He prays that the disciples will be sanctified in truth.
- Jesus prays that as he gives himself over to die on the cross that we can be sanctified in the truth
- Jesus prays for us, those who will become Christians because of the apostles teachings
- He prays that we will be unified just as he and the Father are one
- He prays that we will be with Jesus and see him in his glory
2. What does this teach me about my Jesus?
- Jesus is not a passive participant-he goes willingly to the cross knowing full well the extent of the salvation plan. He is not being forced or coerced or manipulated to the cross.
- Jesus is eternal! Multiple times Jesus refers to returning to the Father and experiencing the glory and love that he had with the Father before the world ever existed.
- Jesus' love for us in unimaginable, unfathomable, and never-ending!
3. What does this teach me about me?
- I am chosen!
- I am saved by Christ alone-I do nothing!
- We are called to love each other and be unified!
The command to love each other and be unified is something that we see all throughout the New Testament. The world will know that we are his disciples by his love (John 13:35). We are to love each other as Christ loved us (John 15:12). Peter, John, and Paul all talk about our command and call to love each other throughout their letters to the church. Loving each other is not a suggestion, it is a command and we are expected to do it. The greatest act of love we can do for another person is to tell them about the salvation that comes only through the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. As we prepare to remember the crucifixion tomorrow and celebrate the resurrection on Sunday, let us remember that in our call to love one another, we are called to tell the world about Jesus!
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Preparing for Easter: Looking At Jesus' Final Words to His Disciples
So often I forget how much actually happened during Jesus' final 48 hours. So often when we study the final days of Jesus we break it up into little parts and teach the sections separately. We will look at the last supper or look at Jesus washing the disciples feet or look at part of his final speech to the disciples, but we rarely look at all of it together.
Today I took the time to study John 13:13-35 and John chapters 14, 15, and 16. I studied this large section together because all of these sections comprise Jesus' final speech to his disciples. On the night he was betrayed, Jesus knew that it would not be long until he was no longer going to be with his disciples. He knew that his death was imminent and he knew that the disciples still didn't really have a clue as to what was going to happen. He was leaving them with some final words that were meant to bring clarity later and also provide comfort. These men were Jesus' friends and he had so much he wanted to say to them.
There is so much in these chapters of scripture. It is here that we read of how Jesus is the true vine and we are the branches, those who abide in him will produce much fruit. It is also here that we read of how Jesus will send the Holy Spirit when he is gone as a Helper and Guide. The disciples are told that just as the world hates Christ, the world will hate them because they are in Christ. Jesus' last words before praying and then going to the garden to be betrayed are some of my favorite words of comfort:
John 16:33 - "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."
Today I am going to do things a little differently than I have the past two days. I don't want to overwhelm you with an excessively long post. Today I am going to simply share some of the "take aways" I gleaned from reading Jesus' final words to his disciples and I encourage to also go and read these words for yourself.
Today I took the time to study John 13:13-35 and John chapters 14, 15, and 16. I studied this large section together because all of these sections comprise Jesus' final speech to his disciples. On the night he was betrayed, Jesus knew that it would not be long until he was no longer going to be with his disciples. He knew that his death was imminent and he knew that the disciples still didn't really have a clue as to what was going to happen. He was leaving them with some final words that were meant to bring clarity later and also provide comfort. These men were Jesus' friends and he had so much he wanted to say to them.
There is so much in these chapters of scripture. It is here that we read of how Jesus is the true vine and we are the branches, those who abide in him will produce much fruit. It is also here that we read of how Jesus will send the Holy Spirit when he is gone as a Helper and Guide. The disciples are told that just as the world hates Christ, the world will hate them because they are in Christ. Jesus' last words before praying and then going to the garden to be betrayed are some of my favorite words of comfort:
John 16:33 - "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."
Today I am going to do things a little differently than I have the past two days. I don't want to overwhelm you with an excessively long post. Today I am going to simply share some of the "take aways" I gleaned from reading Jesus' final words to his disciples and I encourage to also go and read these words for yourself.
- Jesus is God-believing in him means believing in God!
- The only way to God is Jesus-he is the way, the truth, and the life.
- We show our love for Jesus by obeying his commands-our obedience does not earn us his love or earn our righteousness-it is simply an outward expression of our love
- We are commanded to love one another sacrificially as Jesus loved us-this is not a suggestion, it is a command that Jesus expects us to follow
- Jesus sent us the Holy Spirit as a Helper, Guide, and Convicter
- None of what happened to Jesus was outside of God's plan!
- Victory is Won!
- It will not be easy following Jesus-we will be hated and persecuted and experience trouble, but we don't have to fear because Jesus has overcome the world!
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Preparing for Easter: Jesus Was Not Caught Off Guard
Today I study John 13:1-20, where Jesus washes his disciples feet. This passage is often used to teach on humble service to others, and that is clearly present in this passage. The thing that has really stuck out to me as I have been studying the book of John though, is how Jesus was always sovereign. Jesus was not caught off guard or surprised by anything that happened. He knew the plan from the beginning and was a willing participant in the Father's salvation plan.
John 13:1-20
Observations:
John 13:1-20
Observations:
- Jesus and the disciples are having supper before the Feast of the Passover
- Jesus knows that the time has almost come for him to be crucified
- Jesus knows all that is about to happen and he is control of the entire situation-it is all part of the plan
- Jesus goes around and washes each of the disciples feet-a lowly servant's job
- Peter, in typical fashion, doesn't get it, even when Jesus says he won't understand until later. At first Peter is appalled-his master will never wash his feet. Then when Jesus rebukes Peter saying, "if I don't do this, you aren't a part of me", Peter becomes over-zealous-"well then wash all of me."
- Jesus says if you are clean already, you only to need to wash your feet to be fully clean
- Jesus shows his authority and dominion in verses 10-11 because he knows who will betray him
- Jesus tells his disciples that he is their Teacher and Lord and that he has just given them an example to follow-they are to serve each other as Jesus has served them
- We are no greater than Jesus, and if Jesus was willing to serve his disciples, then no form of service to to others is beneath us
- Jesus keeps giving the disciples cryptic clues to what will happen so that they will see that Jesus was in control the whole time
Questions I have:
- Why was washing feet a job for the lowest servant?
- Why does Jesus say if the feet are clean, Peter is clean?
Answers I found:
- Feet got really dirty from walking on dirt roads. Tables were low to the ground and people reclined around them to eat meals. Nobody wants to eat with nasty feet in their face. It is obvious in Peter's reaction that people of importance did not wash feet, it was a job for a servant. Due to the filth that accumulated on traveler's feet, it was a disgusting job and assigned to a low servant.
There is also a priestly aspect to the washing of the feet. Priests had to ritually wash before entering the temple. Jesus is establishing himself as the Holy High Priest, but it is possible he is also establishing the disciples as priests who are equipped to enter into holy communication with God and sharing the gospel. - More than likely Jesus is drawing a parallel between the physical and spiritual. If the men had bathed recently then the only thing that would be dirty would be their feet. In parallel, these men are believers and followers of Jesus and they are about to be forever and eternally cleansed of sins, but there is still a place for sanctification.
Insights:
- Nothing Jesus does is coincidental, Jesus has complete control over what is going on and nothing is happening outside of his plan. None of the events catch Jesus off guard
- I love Peter-he is so clueless, just like me. He questions Jesus, claims to know better than Jesus, and then goes overboard with his actions. Jesus is calm and patient with Peter, gently rebuking and correcting him each time. I am so much like Peter and I am grateful that Jesus is calm and patient with me.
- Nothing was beneath Jesus, he set an example of humble service that he expects us to follow. We are no greater than Jesus who performed the task of a low servant so we should not assume that we are better than taking out the garbage or cleaning toys or mopping a dirty floor.
- We are chosen by Christ-it is not an accident or happenstance.
- The disciples still do not fully grasp the idea that Jesus actually is God. Jesus knows that until he dies and is resurrected that they will not fully understand. He keeps telling them things that will only make sense in hindsight, but he is also establishing his divinity and sovereignty.
Prayer:
Lord, thank you for this beautiful demonstration of service-help me to serve as you served. Forgive me of the times when I have believed that certain acts of service were beneath me. Forgive me for the times when I question you or claim to know better than you. Thank you for your grace when I am pig-headed. Thank you for your salvation plan. Thank you for loving me, and the world, so much that you died in our place. Help me to meditate on that today. You were not merely killed injustly-you willingly sacrificed yourself in accordance to the Father's beautiful, masterful plan.
Monday, April 14, 2014
Shout "Hosanna!" on Sunday and Cry "Crucify!" on Friday
Yesterday was Palm Sunday, marking the triumphal entry of Christ into Jerusalem and the beginning of what has become known as Passion Week. Passion Week chronicles the final days of Jesus which ended with his sacrificial death on the cross.
I have been a Christian for many years, and I grew up in the church, so the story of Jesus' final week, crucifixion, and resurrection is not new to me. I always loved the sunrise service at my church on Easter Sunday growing up. If you were to ask me to recite the story, I could do so with little trouble.
But I have come to realize that I have never actually studied the final days of Christ for myself, I have only been going on commentary I have heard through the years. So this year, I am doing something different. This week as I prepare to celebrate Easter, I am going to study Jesus' final days according to the book of John. I chose the gospel of John because we have been studying this gospel for the past year at church and I have been studying it during my time alone with God, so it seemed appropriate to just skip ahead a few chapters and study John's perspective.
I want to share what I have learned with you here on the blog, not because I think I am awesome at Bible study, but simply because this is my way of sharing with others the truths God has been teaching me. I hope that you will also take the time this week to study the final days of our Savior here on this earth. I pray that you and I will approach this story with fresh eyes, not taking the cross for granted.
To help you follow my process as I study each passage, I will start by sharing my observations into the passage, then I will share any questions I had while reading, followed by the answers I found, next I will share any insights into how the passage applies to my life or what it reveals about me and/or my God, and finally I will share a prayer based on the passage.
John 12:12-19
Observations:
I have been a Christian for many years, and I grew up in the church, so the story of Jesus' final week, crucifixion, and resurrection is not new to me. I always loved the sunrise service at my church on Easter Sunday growing up. If you were to ask me to recite the story, I could do so with little trouble.
But I have come to realize that I have never actually studied the final days of Christ for myself, I have only been going on commentary I have heard through the years. So this year, I am doing something different. This week as I prepare to celebrate Easter, I am going to study Jesus' final days according to the book of John. I chose the gospel of John because we have been studying this gospel for the past year at church and I have been studying it during my time alone with God, so it seemed appropriate to just skip ahead a few chapters and study John's perspective.
I want to share what I have learned with you here on the blog, not because I think I am awesome at Bible study, but simply because this is my way of sharing with others the truths God has been teaching me. I hope that you will also take the time this week to study the final days of our Savior here on this earth. I pray that you and I will approach this story with fresh eyes, not taking the cross for granted.
To help you follow my process as I study each passage, I will start by sharing my observations into the passage, then I will share any questions I had while reading, followed by the answers I found, next I will share any insights into how the passage applies to my life or what it reveals about me and/or my God, and finally I will share a prayer based on the passage.
John 12:12-19
Observations:
- a large crowd gathers when they hear Jesus is coming to Jerusalem
- the people waved palm branches, crying out, "Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord, even the King of Israel!"
- Jesus rides in on a donkey-fulfilling Scripture
- at the time the disciples did not understand, but when they looked back on these events later, following Christ's ascension, they realized the significance and understand more what was happening.
- the crowd was there, not necessarily because the believed Jesus was the Messiah, but because they knew Jesus had raised Lazarus from the dead-they wanted to see if he would do it again
- the Pharisees are becoming more nervous because as they say, "the whole world" was going after Jesus
Questions I have:
- What is the significance of the palm branches?
- Why are the people crying "Hosanna!"?
- What is the prophecy that Christ is fulfilling?
Answers I found:
- 1 and 2 go together: the people wanted Jesus to be a political savior, not an ultimate one. They wanted Jesus to become their king and overturn the Roman rule. I looked it up and the palm branches signified goodness and victory-the people wanted a political victory, not a spiritual victory. When they shout "Hosanna!" it is not a declaration of Christ's Lordship or divinity, but a plea for him to save them from an oppressive ruler
- The prophecy Jesus is fulfilling is Zechariah 9:9. as I look at the Old Testament verse, I can see the confusion over spiritual savior versus political savior. "Behold, your king is coming, righteous and having salvation"-because I know the whole story, I know that Zechariah is talking about Jesus providing salvation from sins and righteousness before a holy God, but the people, who had been living under oppression for so long, would have been wanting political freedom and I can understand them interpreting the Scripture through that lens.
Insights:
- The people wanted salvation on their terms. They wanted an earthly king to free them from a temporary situation. They wanted immediate gratification. How often am I like that? I want Jesus to save me, but on my own terms and according to my plans and ideas. I don't believe that Jesus' salvation plan is enough or what is necessary to meet my perceived needs.
- When Jesus did not give the people what they wanted they cast him aside and cried "crucify him" just days later. I am like that-childish and impulsive-crying foul and demanding punishment when I don't get my way.
Prayer:
Lord God, help me to remember that I am one who cries "Hosanna!" on Sunday just to turn and cry "Crucify!" on Friday. Help me to remember that your plan of salvation is much greater than any plan I could come up with. Forgive me for wanting salvation on my terms. Help me to rejoice in your ultimate and final victory over sin and death. Help me to rejoice in the assurance that because I am yours, I too share in that victory. Help me to cry Hosanna in the highest declaring you as King of All and the bringer of my true salvation. Give me boldness to declare the truth that you are real Life and through you we can experience eternal victory!
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Looking Beyond Current Circumstance to Remember Past Provision
Some of you already know that our family has hit on some difficult times in the last couple of weeks. Two weeks ago my husband's car was involved in 3 wrecks in 5 days and we spent several days just seeking after God in the midst of our chaos. Then last week we went down to one car as we are waiting to get tags put on the car my amazing father-in-law so graciously gave us. This means we all have to get up before 6 am, load up the car, drive my husband to work, drive home and then pick him up again at the end of the work day. On top of that, my car needed a new tire two weekends ago and this past weekend in addition to a standard oil change, we had to replace the brake pads and rotors on my car. To make things even more challenging, last week was spring break which means I did not nanny, and this week the little boy I watch has been sick, so I have only watched him one day. No nanny job means no paycheck for me.
Suffice it to say, we are experiencing a time of trial. I share this not to get your pity or even to complain about how horrible my life is. I share this because so often I allow my struggles to isolate me. The enemy feeds us the lie that we are alone in our struggles and there is no one else out there who will understand. The enemy wants to deter us from seeking out our God and remembering the truths of Scripture. The enemy wants to distract us with our current circumstance so that we won't remember God's past provisions.
God has shown up in real and profound ways time and time again. When we first moved to Louisville back in 2009, we came totally on faith. We had no jobs, no place to live, and no real savings. We simply knew that God had called Aaron to Southern Baptist Seminary and we were going to follow that call. Within a matter of days of being in Louisville, my husband was giving a job at the seminary's dining hall, which would turn into a full-time manager position years later and provide meals many times over the years. We found a small apartment that more than met our needs. During those first few months though, money was very tight. I distinctly remember one day when I had to go buy groceries. We only had about $20 in our account so I was making a list of the absolute essentials we needed to feed our son. Before I went to the store, I walked down and checked our mailbox. Inside was a letter from someone back home with a check for $100. I ran up the stairs to our apartment and showed my husband. That check meant we could buy food we actually wanted, not just what we needed. God provided!
My God is a great God who has promised to take care of me and my family and my God can be trusted to keep his promises. Today I spent some time in God's word seeking out some Scripture to remind me of this truth. I want to share a few of the verses that really hit home with me.
Psalm 18:30 - "This God-his way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him."
- I serve a perfect God and his word is proven true time and time again! Hallelujah!
Psalm 111:4-5 - "He has caused his wondrous works to be remembered; the Lord is gracious and merciful. He provides food for those who fear him; he remembers his covenant forever."
- My God has always been faithful and he will continue to be. When I face struggles, I need to remember all his wondrous works. Pray that God will remind you of all he has done for you!
Philippians 4:6 - "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God."
- Often I do not give voice to my requests. Sometimes I believe I am being selfish or that God has more important things to deal with, but this verse shatters that lie. I am told to make my requests known to God, not because he doesn't already know, but because part of the process of letting go of anxiety is knowing that you have given it to God. When I give voice to my requests, I can let them go and trust in my God to fulfill my needs
Philippians 4:19 - "And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus."
- My God has promised to supply my needs-I need to cling to that promise!
The past couple of days, I have struggled with trusting God completely to provide and care for us. I had reached my natural capacity for trust. So this morning I am asking for a supernatural capacity for trust. I am getting in my God's face with his word, begging him to keep his promises and to give me the strength to remember and trust!
Suffice it to say, we are experiencing a time of trial. I share this not to get your pity or even to complain about how horrible my life is. I share this because so often I allow my struggles to isolate me. The enemy feeds us the lie that we are alone in our struggles and there is no one else out there who will understand. The enemy wants to deter us from seeking out our God and remembering the truths of Scripture. The enemy wants to distract us with our current circumstance so that we won't remember God's past provisions.
God has shown up in real and profound ways time and time again. When we first moved to Louisville back in 2009, we came totally on faith. We had no jobs, no place to live, and no real savings. We simply knew that God had called Aaron to Southern Baptist Seminary and we were going to follow that call. Within a matter of days of being in Louisville, my husband was giving a job at the seminary's dining hall, which would turn into a full-time manager position years later and provide meals many times over the years. We found a small apartment that more than met our needs. During those first few months though, money was very tight. I distinctly remember one day when I had to go buy groceries. We only had about $20 in our account so I was making a list of the absolute essentials we needed to feed our son. Before I went to the store, I walked down and checked our mailbox. Inside was a letter from someone back home with a check for $100. I ran up the stairs to our apartment and showed my husband. That check meant we could buy food we actually wanted, not just what we needed. God provided!
My God is a great God who has promised to take care of me and my family and my God can be trusted to keep his promises. Today I spent some time in God's word seeking out some Scripture to remind me of this truth. I want to share a few of the verses that really hit home with me.
Psalm 18:30 - "This God-his way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him."
- I serve a perfect God and his word is proven true time and time again! Hallelujah!
Psalm 111:4-5 - "He has caused his wondrous works to be remembered; the Lord is gracious and merciful. He provides food for those who fear him; he remembers his covenant forever."
- My God has always been faithful and he will continue to be. When I face struggles, I need to remember all his wondrous works. Pray that God will remind you of all he has done for you!
Philippians 4:6 - "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God."
- Often I do not give voice to my requests. Sometimes I believe I am being selfish or that God has more important things to deal with, but this verse shatters that lie. I am told to make my requests known to God, not because he doesn't already know, but because part of the process of letting go of anxiety is knowing that you have given it to God. When I give voice to my requests, I can let them go and trust in my God to fulfill my needs
Philippians 4:19 - "And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus."
- My God has promised to supply my needs-I need to cling to that promise!
The past couple of days, I have struggled with trusting God completely to provide and care for us. I had reached my natural capacity for trust. So this morning I am asking for a supernatural capacity for trust. I am getting in my God's face with his word, begging him to keep his promises and to give me the strength to remember and trust!
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
I Do Not Feel Saved
I am and always have been an overly emotional person. I cry at commercials, movies, books, stories, etc. When something makes me happy, I can soar off into elation rather quickly. When something makes me mad, I can rapidly spiral down into full blown, hard-to-control anger. Emotional responses make me feel alive in a way, and I rely on my emotions too often to gauge the reality or depth of something.
For many years, I believed that to be saved I had to feel saved. I sought an emotional high that would make me feel good and thus assure me of a real salvation. Year after year I would rededicate my life to Jesus at summer camp. Anytime I attended a youth retreat or worship concert or Christian day at Carowinds, I was one of the first to run to the front during the altar call. I wanted to feel saved so I chased emotional experience after emotional experience. Not surprisingly, my emotions would eventually fade and I wouldn't feel saved anymore and I would fear going to hell. My emotions could never assure me for long.
Jeremiah 17:9 - "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?"
My heart and my emotions are incredibly fickle and they change dependent upon my circumstances. I never experienced a true, lasting heart change, so my emotional highs were simply lies meant to deceive me and prevent me from seeking out Christ in a real way. The enemy fed me the lie that I had to feel saved to be saved. I was following my emotional responses straight to hell.
For those of you who have been following on my blogging journey, you know that God has been changing my heart in real, lasting ways. I am seeking Christ as opposed to emotional responses. I am relying on the truth of Scripture, not necessarily what makes me feel good. I no longer have the need to feel saved because I know I am saved.
1 Corinthians 1:21-22 - "And it is God who establishes us with you in Christ, and has anointed us, and who has also put his seal on us and has given us his Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee."
Romans 8:16 - "The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God."
2 Timothy 1:12 -"Which is why I suffer as I do. But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have
believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me."
As I study and learn more about my God, the more I am assured of my salvation. "Jesus is Lord" is my sacred confession and I know that my God is mighty enough to save me, even when my emotions are not completely in tune. I believe the words in 1 John 3:20 that "God is greater than [my] heart." ( [my] changed from the word [our] for emphasis of the point.)
Some still ask, well how do you know you're saved if you don't feel it? I know I am saved because of the evidences of a changed life in me. I am not the person I was before Christ, because Christ is now in me and I seek him and his glory.
2 Corinthians 5:17 - "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come."
Ezekiel 36:26-27 - "And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in statues and be careful to obey my rules.
I am a new creation in Jesus, with a new heart, even on the days I don't feel all that new. I have an assurance in something far greater than my emotions-I have assurance in the power of Christ's death and resurrection to save me and make me righteous. I don't have to feel saved, because God has already saved me and I can cling to that confidence when times are hard and circumstances dictate my fickle emotions.
Hebrews 10:21-23 - "And since we have a great high priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful."
This is not to say that there is not an emotional response that comes with new life in Christ. Absolutely, when you enter into new life, you will feel joy and elation and your emotions will be bubbling over. You will have times when you will feel like your heart is going to burst from the overflow of love and grace you feel through the Spirit. I am not saying that emotions are evil or that we should never feel anything, I am saying that we cannot rely on our emotions to assure us of our salvation. Feel your emotions, but trust in your Jesus for your salvation and rest in the Spirit to assure you of your adoption into God's family.
For many years, I believed that to be saved I had to feel saved. I sought an emotional high that would make me feel good and thus assure me of a real salvation. Year after year I would rededicate my life to Jesus at summer camp. Anytime I attended a youth retreat or worship concert or Christian day at Carowinds, I was one of the first to run to the front during the altar call. I wanted to feel saved so I chased emotional experience after emotional experience. Not surprisingly, my emotions would eventually fade and I wouldn't feel saved anymore and I would fear going to hell. My emotions could never assure me for long.
Jeremiah 17:9 - "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?"
My heart and my emotions are incredibly fickle and they change dependent upon my circumstances. I never experienced a true, lasting heart change, so my emotional highs were simply lies meant to deceive me and prevent me from seeking out Christ in a real way. The enemy fed me the lie that I had to feel saved to be saved. I was following my emotional responses straight to hell.
For those of you who have been following on my blogging journey, you know that God has been changing my heart in real, lasting ways. I am seeking Christ as opposed to emotional responses. I am relying on the truth of Scripture, not necessarily what makes me feel good. I no longer have the need to feel saved because I know I am saved.
1 Corinthians 1:21-22 - "And it is God who establishes us with you in Christ, and has anointed us, and who has also put his seal on us and has given us his Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee."
Romans 8:16 - "The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God."
2 Timothy 1:12 -"Which is why I suffer as I do. But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have
believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me."
As I study and learn more about my God, the more I am assured of my salvation. "Jesus is Lord" is my sacred confession and I know that my God is mighty enough to save me, even when my emotions are not completely in tune. I believe the words in 1 John 3:20 that "God is greater than [my] heart." ( [my] changed from the word [our] for emphasis of the point.)
Some still ask, well how do you know you're saved if you don't feel it? I know I am saved because of the evidences of a changed life in me. I am not the person I was before Christ, because Christ is now in me and I seek him and his glory.
2 Corinthians 5:17 - "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come."
Ezekiel 36:26-27 - "And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in statues and be careful to obey my rules.
I am a new creation in Jesus, with a new heart, even on the days I don't feel all that new. I have an assurance in something far greater than my emotions-I have assurance in the power of Christ's death and resurrection to save me and make me righteous. I don't have to feel saved, because God has already saved me and I can cling to that confidence when times are hard and circumstances dictate my fickle emotions.
Hebrews 10:21-23 - "And since we have a great high priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful."
This is not to say that there is not an emotional response that comes with new life in Christ. Absolutely, when you enter into new life, you will feel joy and elation and your emotions will be bubbling over. You will have times when you will feel like your heart is going to burst from the overflow of love and grace you feel through the Spirit. I am not saying that emotions are evil or that we should never feel anything, I am saying that we cannot rely on our emotions to assure us of our salvation. Feel your emotions, but trust in your Jesus for your salvation and rest in the Spirit to assure you of your adoption into God's family.
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Giving Voice To a Dream
This weekend I told my husband something that I have never really said out loud before. I shared a secret dream that had been a part of me since fifth grade, but had not seemed like a reality. I gave voice to a big dream that will hopefully change my career path. I said the words, "I want to be a writer."
I wrote my first short story when I was in Mrs. Lamb's fifth grade class at EJ Hayes Elementary School in Williamston, NC. I don't remember what it was about, other than I think there was a castle involved, but I do remember the feeling I had when my teacher and my parents told me it was good. It was the first time I ever felt really good at something. That feeling has never really left me.
Written word has always been a strength for me. I suck at drawing, I can't even draw stick people correctly. To this day the thought of having to draw something makes me anxious. The only way I have ever been able to bring to life the pictures inside my head is to write out the description. Writing has been something that just came naturally to me and something that I had a passion for.
However, I also had another passion-to be a teacher. I loved kids, especially kids with special needs and I knew that I wanted to be a teacher. It was around my junior year of high school that I began to throw all of my energy into becoming a special education teacher. Writing became less important, although there were times when I would think back on it with longing and fondness. I was going to be a teacher and becoming a writer was just a dream, not a reality.
I want to say right now that I really did love teaching. I was a special education teacher for 8 years in 2 different states. I loved my students and my job and I was a good teacher. Had you asked, I would have even said I was happy being a teacher. I thought I was in the career from which one day I would retire.
Then my daughter was born and she stayed sick the first year and a half of her life. It quickly became evident that we needed to get her out of daycare. An opportunity arose for me to be a nanny and with that opportunity I would be able to stay home with my kids. So at the end of the 2011-2012 school year I quit my teaching job and became a stay-at-home mom/nanny.
During the first year at home I dabbled in several avenues for my creativity. I started a small business making handmade bags and girls clothing and quilts. Then I branched out to crocheting hats for babies and children. I had an etsy shop and a Facebook page and at times I would dream of that becoming my "career." But it quickly became evident that I was not offering anything unique and that, at best, I had a hobby that I could make some money off of.
Then in December of 2013 I started this blog, mainly because I felt I had something to add to the Santa debate. When I finished that first blog post, it was like someone lit a fire deep inside of me and I felt something that I had not felt in a long time. I felt more than pride, I felt like I was fulfilling my calling. Writing that blog post was my first baby step towards my dream.
Over the next couple of months I posted on my blog a couple of times a week. Most of the things I wrote got maybe 20-30 views, but that was okay with me. I was writing and I was happy. In February I wrote the blog post that would spark my next baby step. I wrote about my struggle with body image and in one day my post had over 100 views. That had never happened before and I was really excited.
A couple of days later I took another baby step and I outlined my first book based on the original body image blog post. For several weeks, my outline was just that, a simple outline of a book that I might want to write.
In March I joined Jon Acuff's 30 Days of Hustle and I committed to actually writing my first book. And I did! My first book is not going to be a game changer, but it is mine! It's really short and we will probably just publish it ourselves as an e-book, but it is the first giant step towards my goal of becoming an author.
April began a new month of 30 Days of Hustle and I committed to finishing the fiction novel that I timidly began a year ago. Through the encouragement of my hustle group and family I went from having just over 7,000 words to over 22,000 words written in a week. The more I see my vision come to life on the page, the more I realize that I want to be an author.
It is scary to admit to having a big dream like that. I might not have what it takes. It may be a dream that takes years before it actually can become my full-time job. It's a dream that requires sacrifice and dedication. When it was a dream inside my head, it wasn't so scary because no one else would know if I made it or not. Now it is a dream that I am sharing with everyone (or at least the people who will actually read this blog post) and everyone will know if I fail or if I succeed. That used to scare me, but I'm not so afraid anymore.
My passion is written word and one day I want to walk into a book store and see my books on the shelf. My name is Lisa and I am going to be an author!
I wrote my first short story when I was in Mrs. Lamb's fifth grade class at EJ Hayes Elementary School in Williamston, NC. I don't remember what it was about, other than I think there was a castle involved, but I do remember the feeling I had when my teacher and my parents told me it was good. It was the first time I ever felt really good at something. That feeling has never really left me.
Written word has always been a strength for me. I suck at drawing, I can't even draw stick people correctly. To this day the thought of having to draw something makes me anxious. The only way I have ever been able to bring to life the pictures inside my head is to write out the description. Writing has been something that just came naturally to me and something that I had a passion for.
However, I also had another passion-to be a teacher. I loved kids, especially kids with special needs and I knew that I wanted to be a teacher. It was around my junior year of high school that I began to throw all of my energy into becoming a special education teacher. Writing became less important, although there were times when I would think back on it with longing and fondness. I was going to be a teacher and becoming a writer was just a dream, not a reality.
I want to say right now that I really did love teaching. I was a special education teacher for 8 years in 2 different states. I loved my students and my job and I was a good teacher. Had you asked, I would have even said I was happy being a teacher. I thought I was in the career from which one day I would retire.
Then my daughter was born and she stayed sick the first year and a half of her life. It quickly became evident that we needed to get her out of daycare. An opportunity arose for me to be a nanny and with that opportunity I would be able to stay home with my kids. So at the end of the 2011-2012 school year I quit my teaching job and became a stay-at-home mom/nanny.
During the first year at home I dabbled in several avenues for my creativity. I started a small business making handmade bags and girls clothing and quilts. Then I branched out to crocheting hats for babies and children. I had an etsy shop and a Facebook page and at times I would dream of that becoming my "career." But it quickly became evident that I was not offering anything unique and that, at best, I had a hobby that I could make some money off of.
Then in December of 2013 I started this blog, mainly because I felt I had something to add to the Santa debate. When I finished that first blog post, it was like someone lit a fire deep inside of me and I felt something that I had not felt in a long time. I felt more than pride, I felt like I was fulfilling my calling. Writing that blog post was my first baby step towards my dream.
Over the next couple of months I posted on my blog a couple of times a week. Most of the things I wrote got maybe 20-30 views, but that was okay with me. I was writing and I was happy. In February I wrote the blog post that would spark my next baby step. I wrote about my struggle with body image and in one day my post had over 100 views. That had never happened before and I was really excited.
A couple of days later I took another baby step and I outlined my first book based on the original body image blog post. For several weeks, my outline was just that, a simple outline of a book that I might want to write.
In March I joined Jon Acuff's 30 Days of Hustle and I committed to actually writing my first book. And I did! My first book is not going to be a game changer, but it is mine! It's really short and we will probably just publish it ourselves as an e-book, but it is the first giant step towards my goal of becoming an author.
April began a new month of 30 Days of Hustle and I committed to finishing the fiction novel that I timidly began a year ago. Through the encouragement of my hustle group and family I went from having just over 7,000 words to over 22,000 words written in a week. The more I see my vision come to life on the page, the more I realize that I want to be an author.
It is scary to admit to having a big dream like that. I might not have what it takes. It may be a dream that takes years before it actually can become my full-time job. It's a dream that requires sacrifice and dedication. When it was a dream inside my head, it wasn't so scary because no one else would know if I made it or not. Now it is a dream that I am sharing with everyone (or at least the people who will actually read this blog post) and everyone will know if I fail or if I succeed. That used to scare me, but I'm not so afraid anymore.
My passion is written word and one day I want to walk into a book store and see my books on the shelf. My name is Lisa and I am going to be an author!
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
A Sweet Reminder of The Joy of Motherhood
My husband and I never planned on having another baby after our son was born. We had experienced a very traumatic labor in which we almost lost him, and I really did not want to go through that again. We had in our minds the plan that should play out for our family, but God, he had a different plan. God knew that until Sophia became a part of our family, that we would not be complete. Sophia made our family whole.
Sophia has been dramatic and a diva since she was in the womb. She has always been one to make her presence and feelings known. You never have to guess what Sophia is feeling because she feels everything exponentially. Sophia can light up a room with a simple smile or gesture or she can bring down a room with a scream. She wears her emotions on her sleeve.
I struggle sometimes with understanding my daughter. She is sometimes so different from me and our personalities don't always mesh. Sophia is independent and strong-willed and a free thinker; while I am independent, I have always been more of a rule follower who tried to do the right thing. I like the box, and Sophia does not like to be contained.
There are days when Sophia and I clash and our home is far from peaceful. I have a friend whose daughter is similar to Sophia and we often encourage each other with the reminder that one day this stubborn, strong-willed attitude will serve her very well. I know that when Sophia gets older, she will not be easily swayed and that she will have no problem taking a stand for what she wants. Sophia is going to grow up to be the kind of woman who refuses to settle for less than what she deserves and she is going to fight for what she thinks is right. But right now when she is three, these character traits tend to push my buttons more times than not.
And then there are moments when other aspects of her personality shine through. Moments when she does something that absolutely melts my heart and makes me remember just how blessed I am that I get to be Sophia's mom. Moments like this one:
This weekend my sister was able to capture a very sweet moment between my daughter and me. Sophia was exhausted after traveling for 6 hours the night before and playing hard with her brother and cousin all afternoon. She climbed up into my lap and before long she had fallen asleep. I love this picture. It reminds me why I get up every morning. Moments like the one in this picture are why I quit my teaching job to stay home with my kids. I cannot even imagine a life in which Sophia is not present. Yes, Sophia and I may butt heads and odds are good that our personalities will clash many times over the years to come, but she is my girl and I would not trade her for the world.
Sophia has been dramatic and a diva since she was in the womb. She has always been one to make her presence and feelings known. You never have to guess what Sophia is feeling because she feels everything exponentially. Sophia can light up a room with a simple smile or gesture or she can bring down a room with a scream. She wears her emotions on her sleeve.
I struggle sometimes with understanding my daughter. She is sometimes so different from me and our personalities don't always mesh. Sophia is independent and strong-willed and a free thinker; while I am independent, I have always been more of a rule follower who tried to do the right thing. I like the box, and Sophia does not like to be contained.
There are days when Sophia and I clash and our home is far from peaceful. I have a friend whose daughter is similar to Sophia and we often encourage each other with the reminder that one day this stubborn, strong-willed attitude will serve her very well. I know that when Sophia gets older, she will not be easily swayed and that she will have no problem taking a stand for what she wants. Sophia is going to grow up to be the kind of woman who refuses to settle for less than what she deserves and she is going to fight for what she thinks is right. But right now when she is three, these character traits tend to push my buttons more times than not.
And then there are moments when other aspects of her personality shine through. Moments when she does something that absolutely melts my heart and makes me remember just how blessed I am that I get to be Sophia's mom. Moments like this one:
This weekend my sister was able to capture a very sweet moment between my daughter and me. Sophia was exhausted after traveling for 6 hours the night before and playing hard with her brother and cousin all afternoon. She climbed up into my lap and before long she had fallen asleep. I love this picture. It reminds me why I get up every morning. Moments like the one in this picture are why I quit my teaching job to stay home with my kids. I cannot even imagine a life in which Sophia is not present. Yes, Sophia and I may butt heads and odds are good that our personalities will clash many times over the years to come, but she is my girl and I would not trade her for the world.
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