The most common complaints I have seen about this movie, aside from the period issue, is that this movie depicts a 13 year old girl who thinks she is grown, is disrespectful and rebellious towards her mother and has "sexy" dreams about boys and this movie is brainwashing our daughters to think that it is normal and acceptable to go against your parents and only seek out the advice of your friends. So here is what I saw, when again, I actually watched the movie.
As a parent of a 13 year old and 11 year old, who most times think they are grown, and as a former 13 year old girl who at many times thought having "teen" at the end of my age magically made me an adult, this was accurate. Mei, the main character, talks a big game about being "her own woman" now that she is 13, but then rushes home from school everyday to help her parents in their family temple. She acts confident and independent at school but is desparetely seeking the approval of her mother. For a girl who claims to be her a grown up, she works hard at school to make straight A's and proudly presents those grades to her parents and lights up at their praise. I said, out loud, multiple times, "oh that poor girl" because I could see the huge amount of pressure she was putting on herself to please her mother.
Yes, there was "rebellion" in the movie. Mei decided to "rebel" against her mother and to embrace her panda and make some money to buy tickets to a concert with her friends. Again, I speak as a parent to kids around Mei's age and there is just a lot of assuming and feeling entitled to things at this age. My kids will walk in the room and declare, "oh sweet tonight is game night at so-and-so's house, I'm so excited." Nevermind that my child hasn't once asked to go to this event or even mentioned it prior to 2 hours before it is supposed to start, they just assume they can go. Or my kids come inside from spending a few hours outside and they are holding cash, because without telling me they have been canvassing the neighborhood offering to rake leaves or pick weeds or whatever to make some money on the assumption I will take them to the store to spend said money. 13 year olds assume a lot of things and make impulsive decisions, but they don't do it because they hate or disrespect their parents. They just want to do something and they do it. Instead of refusing to let your kids see this behavior on screen (which by the way they figure out how to do all on their sinful own), watch it and TALK WITH YOUR KIDS. Talk about what is going on and what you expect instead. Also side note, so much of the conflict of this movie would have been avoided had the parents, especially the mom, just been having conversations with her kid.
Finally, the thing that has frustrated me the most. I see a lot of people talking about how Mei has "sexy dreams" about a boy and how the movie is trying to normalize sexuality for our poor innocent children. So, here is what actually happens. Mei is doodling in her notebook and draws a picture about the boy who works at the local convienent store that her friends all think is cute. She starts drawing a shirtless picture, adding unrealistic abs and muscular arms and then draws pictures of this boy as a merman. There are pictures of Mei and her merman dream boy embracing, and maybe a picture of a kiss or almost kiss. Mom comes in and Mei tries to hide the notebook, because she is embarrassed. Mom sees the notebook, sees the pictures, and FLIPS OUT. Mom is assuming so many things and then storms down to the convienent store to confront this boy, that by the way has never seen or spoken to Mei, accusing him of taking advantage of Mei and poor Mei is so ashamed and embarrassed that she can't speak. We then see Mei pacing in her room in the middle of a full on shame spiral and this is the first time the word "sexy" is used. As Mei is shaming herself, she asks herself, "why did you do that? why did you draw those sexy things? you are a bad girl". Mei was innocently exploring feelings for a boy and her mom completely overreacted and heaped so much shame on her daughter.
As I said before, so much of the movie's conflict could have been avoided simply by the mom being willing to have honest conversations with her daughter. The most clear example was that Mei will turn into a panda, which Mei didn't know about until she woke up as a panda. This is where the period parrallel comes, Mei was not prepapred for the changes her body was going through because the grown ups in her life were too embarrassed or thought they had more time. But in the more nuanced moments of the movie, communication between mom and daughter was what was missing. When Mom found the notebook of the "sexy" drawings, instead of opening the lines of communication so that her daughter would feel comfortable coming to her about these feelings, the overreaction told Mei that her feelings were bad and had to be hidden.
I've seen so many people criticize how the movie doesn't portray Mei going to her mom for guidance, but watching the movie you can see why she doesn't. The generational trauma of her family's culture is on full display - parents are to be honored and obeyed at all costs, children are to perform and behave in a manner that brings honor, and anything uncomfortable is hidden away and not spoken of. Speaking from real experience, if you want your kids to come to your for guidance and to tell you things about their lives, you as the parent have to foster that from an early age. You have to have the awkward and hard conversations early and often. You have to allow questions and not freak out over them. When your kid comes to with you with something think you won't like, how you react matters and tells them so much more than your words.
These are just the thoughts of one more mom and most likely aren't groundbreaking or opinions that haven't already been expressed, but I just wanted to add my voice. Turning Red was a good movie and provided opportunities for conversations with my kids. I am a huge fan of recent children's movies that are attacking generational trauma head-on and portraying cycle breakers. I'm not saying this was my favorite movie, because it wasn't, but it isn't the brainwashing, sexualizing, rebellion-fostering movie that I see many in the evangelical camp are making it out to be. Your kids are not going to watch this movie and start rebelling against their parents or starting twerking in the streets or have sex dreams about boys. Your kids will laugh, love the cute red panda, and if you're lucky, will ask you questions.
I think we sometimes believe that movies have a lot more power than they actually do. We think that if my kid sees something on a movie they will immediately go out and do said thing. But movies just don't have that kind of power, especially when we go into a movie understanding this is FICTION and meant to be enjoyed. Again, communication with our kids has a huge impact on them, so if you talk to your kids about how we view movies, they will often see movies the way you taught them. Communication with kids about how we see the world results in our kids seeing the world the way we want them to. Our kids learn from us, if we are willing to teach them.
Thank you for taking the time to write this. I had been hesitant to let mine watch it based on what I had heard. But I think I will...with supervision so I can pause and talk to them.
ReplyDeleteYou nailed it Lisa. At 58 with adult children, I’ve been through all the ‘normal’. People are making TOO MUCH of the items you discussed. It does NOT promote sex or anarchy on the child’s part!
ReplyDeleteFrom a purely critic’s POV, it is not my favorite Pixar film. To me, it lacks the sweetness of a ‘Up!” I almost felt like the producers and directors, being all women, pushed too hard to make certain points.
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