Seeing God in The Midst of Chaos

   This has been a week of great vehicular chaos for my family, and especially my poor husband.

• On Friday night, a little after midnight, someone was leaving the house across the street and backed into my husband's car (which was parked in the ditch in front of our house) leaving two huge dents in the side. When my husband saw the damage on Saturday and confronted the people living there, no one would admit to it, which means that we can't really do anything about it.
• On Sunday, my husband was driving home from church and someone basically ran him off the road causing him to shred his tire on the curb
• Yesterday morning (Wednesday) on the way to work someone stopped suddenly in front of my husband, he didn't have time to react and he ran into the back of the car.

     Having one car involved in 3 accidents in 5 days is just not something that happens often. When my husband called me yesterday morning to inform me of the accident, his first words were, "I quit this week." At the time I did not know what to say other than I was so sorry it happened and that I loved him and that I was so glad he was ok. I spent my time alone with God yesterday praying for my husband, seeking out Scripture, and just leaning on God to help us see and feel his presence in the midst of what felt like complete and utter chaos.

      As I sought comfort in God's word I kept being reminded that God is in complete control and that nothing that has happened in the last week caught him off guard. He was not surprised by the fact Aaron was in 3 wrecks in 5 days-God knew what was going to happen and this all fits into his grand plan. Our initial reaction is to question God's plan and to be confused by what could possibly come out of this chaos. We want to know the plan. But we don't deserve to be privy to God's plan. We could not even begin to comprehend God's plan even if he did let us in on it. We are not promised to ever know how the plan will work out, we are only promised that God does have a plan.

       Yesterday Aaron and I both took great comfort in the fact that God is in control and that he has a good handle on everything. My husband pointed out yesterday that it was so comforting to know that God was not only sovereign but near in the chaos. God was not off on a business trip when Aaron wrecked his car yesterday. He was right there with Aaron. That is a beautiful truth to cling to.

        As I do often here on the blog, I want to share the Scripture that really spoke truth into our chaos yesterday.

    

       "putting everything in subjection under his feet." Now putting everything in subjection to               him, he left nothing outside his control. At present, we do not yet see everything in                           subjection to him." Hebrews 2:8

        - Nothing is outside of the control of God - NOTHING! We are not in a place where we can fully understand that truth, but it is truth none the less. God is in control!

         "I form light and create darkness, I make well-being and create calamity, I am the Lord, who           does all things." Isaiah 45:7

         - God is working everything to his plan and he is in control

         "The Lord has everything for its purpose, even the wicked for the day of trouble." 

         Proverbs 16:4

         -God has purposed everything to fulfill his great plan. We may not ever know that plan, but the plan is still in place. God knows what he is doing and I need to simply rest in the fact that he is in control.

        "For by him all things were created in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether              thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities - all things were created through him and for            him. And he is before all things and in him all things hold together." Colossians 1:16-17

        - God is still holding everything together, even when it seems like it is all falling apart.

        Finally I was comforted by the story of Jesus calming the raging sea (Matthew 8:23-27; Mark 4:35-41; Luke 8:22-25). All around the disciples the seas were raging and I'm sure they were certain their deaths were upon them. Then Jesus stood up and spoke to the winds and the waves and they stopped. At the sound of their Maker's voice, the winds and waves obeyed and stopped raging. My God is still that God who can calm a raging sea with just the sound of his voice.

Maintaining Hope For Lost Loved Ones

     It has been a week since I posted last and for that I am sorry. Last week was a tough week and my heart was not in writing anything. Yesterday was a day of rejuvenation and refreshment at church and during family time. I was able to take a long nap snuggled up with my 3 year old daughter, which never happens anymore, and that moment alone was enough to get me through the week. I was also able to worship my Lord and Savior through singing and hearing the truth preached from his word and serving in the children's ministry at church. My heart was truly ministered to as I read a chapter in the book Life's Biggest Questions by Erik Thoennes on "What is a Human Being?" This chapter was part of my homework for Women's School, but God knew that hidden within the paragraphs would be words that would strengthen my resolve and help me push onward.
     I have written before on the blog on the topic of reconciliation and that situation is what leads me to write this post. I have someone in my life whom I love very much and over whom my heart breaks often. This person has hurt me and hurt my family many times in the past and there have been times when I have wanted to write her off and there have been times when I have felt she was a lost cause and not worth my time or effort. However, as Christ has grown me over the past few months and as I have come to realize my utter and complete dependence on the cross, my attitude towards this person has been changed through the power of the Holy Spirit. Instead of being angry with her, I am now burdened for her. Instead of wanting nothing to do with her, I have a deep desire to reach out to her and minister to her in grace and love. Instead of scoffing at her life choices, my heart breaks as I watch her get closer and closer to death, and fear that her death will mean she will spend eternity in hell.
    In the past I have kept silent to this person because I didn't want the drama and I didn't want to rock the boat and because I simply was not willing to get dirty in her mess if that was asked of me. I wanted to keep her at a distance, be judgmental, and feel superior each time she failed. The transforming power of the Holy Spirit is amazing and it has truly transformed my heart for this person. I have spoken my concerns to her for the first time in our relationship. I am praying for her on a regular basis in a way that I never have before. My heart is truly broken and burdened for her to the point that I can no longer stand idly by, but must instead join in the fight for her life. I am not sure exactly what that is going to look like or what will be asked of me, but for the first time I am willing to get in the mess and answer "yes" to what is asked of me.
   This past week I reached out to this person and I told her all of my concerns. The response I got was not entirely pleasant and it was very clear that she did not see any validity in my concerns. To be honest, I was not surprised at her response and even told myself, "well at least I said something and my conscience is clear." Then as I sat in church yesterday, I realized that my conscience was not clear because I was not called to simply speak my concerns and hope she listened. I have been called to love her and get in her mess with her. I have been called to love her as Christ loves me, even when it's hard and even when it seems it is all in vain. Loving someone who is hostile to the gospel is not easy, but I keep telling myself that her life is precious and her life has value and that she is worth it.
     After leaving church, I knew that my call was to love her, but I still felt despair because if I was honest with myself, I was doubting that she would ever change. Then as I was reading for my homework assignment I came across this:
       "When God redeems someone, he is re-creating with the same power with which he spoke the world into existence. God is the powerful, wise, good God who made everything; knowing this provides great hope for personal and cosmic transformation. There is never room for a believer to despair over his or her own level of sanctification, nor is it legitimate to doubt God's ability to change someone we are ministering to, because God's power as Creator is fully able change rebellious hearts into worshipful ones." [emphasis mine] (Thoennes, Life's Biggest Questions, 2011, pp 132-133)
   This was exactly what my heart needed to hear. I cannot save this person and I cannot change her  heart, but I trust in a God who created the universe by simply speaking it into existence. If God can do that, then he surely is powerful enough to change the heart of someone hostile to the gospel. Being reminded of this truth has renewed my hope that this person can be saved and that one day I will rejoice with the angels in heaven as she calls on Jesus as her salvation.
    I share this one to ask for your prayers. I know you don't know her name, but God does, so please lift her up to our Heavenly Father that his transforming power will affect her heart and show her how desperately she needs a savior. Secondly, I share this to also share my renewed hope. Most of us have that one person over which our heart is burdened and it is easy to lose hope. Let the truth of God's mighty transforming power give you hope and renew your resolve. Loving someone to Jesus is a hard road that sometimes seems endless, but our Savior is mighty and strong and capable of softening even the hardest hearts. Keep pursing!