I have found that when we start truly seeking after Christ, we are made painfully aware of our own heart issues and areas where we don't trust God. The Spirit has really been working on me to have a better view of my body and to trust that God is truly sovereign over me, but as Christ is growing me in these areas, I am becoming more aware of other heart issues, one of those being fear and anxiety.
For most of my life I have been a worst-case scenario type person. I would envision all the horrible things that could happen and would play through in my head how I would react. Growing up I would envision my parents getting divorced or someone I love getting really sick or me getting sick. I would play out these worst-case scenarios is my head on a pretty regular basis. Unfortunately this practice has continued into my adulthood.
When my kids get sick, I immediately imagine them being deathly ill and being rushed to the children's hospital to begin life-saving treatments. When I hear a noise in the night, I immediately fear that someone is breaking in to kidnap my children. When I have a fight with my husband, I immediately fear that he is going to leave me for someone less crazy. I take a simple problem and turn it into a huge crisis.
This practice has led to me having irrational fears that sometimes effect the way I live my life. I have a constant fear that someone is going to take my children, so I avoid crowded places and when I am out with my kids it is a pretty stressful experience as I am constantly making sure they are still with me. I have a horrible fear that someone in my family is going to be seriously injured, so I freak out when they are the least bit adventurous and I avoid things like the walking bridge because I'm scared my kids will fall into the Ohio River. I have an irrational fear that my husband is going to cheat on me or leave me, even though I know that is ridiculous, and I sometimes become incredibly possessive and overly needy. So often, the logical part of my brain is fighting to gain control over my fears and assure me that all of this is irrational, but many times the "crazy" wins out and I find myself fighting a panic attack.
Just this past weekend, my husband went out to celebrate a friend's birthday. The kids and I left a few minutes after he did to go run a few errands, and we started out on the same route he had taken. As I turned off our street onto the main road I saw several flashing lights and I knew that there must have been an accident. Immediately I began repeating to myself, "it's not Aaron, it's not Aaron", because I was terrified that I would drive up on this accident and see his car. As I got closer to the accident, a huge pit formed in my stomach and I was almost physically sick. My breathing was getting shallow and I could feel my heart beginning to race. Even though the logical part of my brain knew that it was not Aaron in that accident, the crazy part of my brain just knew that I was going to drive up and see my husband dying on the concrete. This is a real struggle for me and is something that happens quite often.
I share my crazy with you, not to gain pity, but to show how tight a hold fear can have over our lives. Fear wakes me up in the middle of the night and won't stop pestering me until I get out of bed and go check on my children. Fear keeps me from fully trusting in my husband's love. Fear keeps me from experiencing life to the fullest. Fear has me prisoner and only Jesus can break me free of the chains.
As I have shared in my last two blog posts, I am beginning to really seek out Scripture in my times of struggle so that I can meditate and lean on the words of God. I am also beginning to see the importance of actually praying through Scripture. Our pastor, Daniel Montgomery of Sojourn Community Church, said something during the sermon on Sunday that really hit home with me; "Prayer is getting in God's face with God's word." When I pray, I need to be calling out to God, asking him to fulfill his word in my life. I have to stop bypassing what God has to say about fear and anxiety and worry. I hope that some of the Scripture I have found this week will speak to your heart as well.
John 16:33 "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart, I have overcome the world."
What powerful words! Jesus spoke these words to his disciples on the night that he was to be betrayed and turned over to be crucified. He was letting his disciples know what was getting ready to happen and encouraging them to be strong and take heart. He was reminding them that the story would not be over with Jesus' death on the cross, but that there was much more to come. Jesus has overcome the world and death, I need not fear.
1 Peter 5:7 "casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you."
This is something that I need to be reminded of daily-God cares for me, I am important to God, my fears matter to God. God wants me to hand over my fears and anxieties to him and allow him to comfort and care for me.
Matthew 6:34 "And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his life?"
I am not in control and there is not a single thing that I can do that will add time to the days God has already laid out for me. I need to be reminded that God is sovereign over the universe, and that Lisa has nothing to do with keeping the world in motion. My life is in the hands of God and that should give me great comfort, it is not up to me.
Psalm 27:1 "The Lord is my light and salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"
Again, my life is in the hands of a great big and powerful God. God is my light, salvation and stronghold. With God in control, I have nothing to fear.
Isaiah 43:1 "But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine."
God called me by name, he redeemed me, and I am his! This is a truth that I need to cling to do every hour of every day. I think about how much I love my children and what I would do for them; how much more does God love me and how much more will he do to protect me?
Psalm 127 "I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The Lord will keep your going out and coming in from this time forth and forevermore."
When I am overcome by irrational fear, I need to lift up my eyes to the hills. I need to be reminded that my help comes from the Lord-the one who created heaven and earth. I need to take comfort in the fact that my Lord does not sleep nor slumber and he will not let my foot be moved. The Lord is my protector and he is in control. I need not fear what is to come because all will be brought about to the glory of God.
There are so many other verses that speak to fear and anxiety. God tells us multiple times throughout Scripture to not be afraid, to cast our anxieties on him, to trust in him to be our protector, helper, comforter. My struggle with fear is not new. People have been held captive by fear since the beginning of time, and since the beginning of time God has been calling for his people to rely on him to break the chains of fear. What verses do you turn to when fear is all consuming?
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Thursday, February 20, 2014
God is Not Sovereign Over Me
Lately, I have been dealing with several heart issues. As I grow in my faith and get closer to the cross, the more I am realizing my sin and just how deceitful my heart can be. As I shared earlier this week, there are days when I hate my body. It seems as if God is really try to grow me in this particular area because I have been in several situations over the past week in which this topic has come up. Last night, I was in a setting where I was asked to share a heart issue with a small group and I chose to share my issues with my body. One person in the group posed a very insightful question; "do I believe God is sovereign over me?"
Wow! Talk about really getting at the heart of an issue. As I sat there pondering this question, I realized just how much I doubt God's sovereignty over my life. I have no problem believing and trusting that God is sovereign over the universe, this actually brings me great comfort. However, when it comes to little ole me, I am not as confident in God's sovereignty. I believe this a two-fold problem. On the one hand, I don't really believe that I am important enough or of enough value for God to be bothered with me. I mean God is in control of the universe, there are much bigger issues to deal with than being sovereign over the life of one Lisa Tant. I don't always believe that I warrant that kind of attention.
However, there is a part of me that doubts the sovereignty of a God who would make someone who looked like me. I fall into the terrible pattern, as many of us do, of comparing myself to other women. I look at the women around me who are always put together and skinny and attractive and then I look at myself and I despair. I think thoughts like, "if God really was sovereign, then what was he thinking when he made me. He obviously could have done a better job." These destructive thoughts keep me from trusting that God is sovereign over my life.
My doubts with God's sovereignty are not limited to my feelings about my appearance. I have a great desire to be in control, especially in my home. I want things to go a certain way and there are times when I believe my plans are much better than anything God could come up with. There are times when we are experiencing financial struggles and I doubt whether God is really in control. When I have faced trials of sick loved ones or just trials of parenting, I don't trust that God has a plan or that he is good or that he even cares.
In the past, when it comes to heart issues I responded in one of two ways. Usually I would just bottle up my emotions and pretend like they did not exist. But sometimes, the emotions would come out and I would end up sharing my struggles with someone. During these times I would look to man to make me feel better and build me up or I would rely on my own miniscule knowledge of God to reassure myself. The one thing I have never really done, is go to God's word for comfort. I have never been one to memorize or meditate on Scripture. I just assumed that I had a good grasp on who God is and what others had told me the Bible says and that was enough. How wrong I was.
I am beginning to realize that I am barely scratching the surface when it comes to knowledge of God and if I am to truly trust God, then I have to know what God says. Thus the shift that I am trying to make through the power of the Holy Spirit. During my time alone with God, I am spending some days pouring out my heart to my heavenly Father in prayer and then I am searching Scripture for God's words that speak to my current heart issue. I am going to God, not man, to reassure me of my worth and value. As I was searching out Scripture for passages on God's sovereignty over my life, I came across some helpful Scripture that I would like to share.
Psalm 37:23-24 "The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the Lord upholds his hand."
Every step I take has been established by God, there is nothing I do that is a surprise to him. God is holding my hand as I walk along to keep me from falling on my face. When I am seeking after God, then I am also holding his hand.
Psalm 135:6 "Whatever the Lord pleases, he does, in heaven and on earth, in the seas and all deeps."
The Lord does whatever he pleases, and that includes making me. When God made me, he was pleased with what he had made. God was not disgusted or disappointed, he was pleased.
Matthew 6:25-34, but focusing on verse 26 "Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?"
This is a word that I need to hear regularly. Man is the only part of creation that was created in the image of God-man is special; I am special. God takes great care of all his creation, so why should I doubt that he would take great care of me, the part of creation that he specially created in his image?
Finally Psalm 139 (all of it); but focusing on verses 1-2, 4, 7, and 15-16
"O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar...Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether...Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?...My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."
God knows me, even better than I know me. He is aware of every moment of every day of my life. Before I can even think a thought, God knows it and holds it together. There is nowhere I can go where God is not also. I was not a secret or created apart from God's intricate design. He knew me before I was formed. He knew how many days I would be given before I was ever conceived. God is sovereign over every aspect of me life.
I share this today not to present myself as someone who has it all figured out. That is far from accurate. I struggle, every day with trusting God's sovereignty. I share this to hopefully encourage someone else who might also be struggling with trusting that God is sovereign over his or her life. I share this to let you know that you are not alone. Our struggles can be very isolating and we often feel very alone in our despair. I am telling you that you are not alone. There are many of us who are experiencing the same struggle. Finally, I am sharing this to be held accountable. I need to be reminded on my days of doubt and despair to run to Scripture. I need to be asked daily if I have meditated on the words of my heavenly Father. I need to be prompted every day to seek my comfort from God, not man. I have to remember that God is not done with me yet.
Philippians 1:6 "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."
Wow! Talk about really getting at the heart of an issue. As I sat there pondering this question, I realized just how much I doubt God's sovereignty over my life. I have no problem believing and trusting that God is sovereign over the universe, this actually brings me great comfort. However, when it comes to little ole me, I am not as confident in God's sovereignty. I believe this a two-fold problem. On the one hand, I don't really believe that I am important enough or of enough value for God to be bothered with me. I mean God is in control of the universe, there are much bigger issues to deal with than being sovereign over the life of one Lisa Tant. I don't always believe that I warrant that kind of attention.
However, there is a part of me that doubts the sovereignty of a God who would make someone who looked like me. I fall into the terrible pattern, as many of us do, of comparing myself to other women. I look at the women around me who are always put together and skinny and attractive and then I look at myself and I despair. I think thoughts like, "if God really was sovereign, then what was he thinking when he made me. He obviously could have done a better job." These destructive thoughts keep me from trusting that God is sovereign over my life.
My doubts with God's sovereignty are not limited to my feelings about my appearance. I have a great desire to be in control, especially in my home. I want things to go a certain way and there are times when I believe my plans are much better than anything God could come up with. There are times when we are experiencing financial struggles and I doubt whether God is really in control. When I have faced trials of sick loved ones or just trials of parenting, I don't trust that God has a plan or that he is good or that he even cares.
In the past, when it comes to heart issues I responded in one of two ways. Usually I would just bottle up my emotions and pretend like they did not exist. But sometimes, the emotions would come out and I would end up sharing my struggles with someone. During these times I would look to man to make me feel better and build me up or I would rely on my own miniscule knowledge of God to reassure myself. The one thing I have never really done, is go to God's word for comfort. I have never been one to memorize or meditate on Scripture. I just assumed that I had a good grasp on who God is and what others had told me the Bible says and that was enough. How wrong I was.
I am beginning to realize that I am barely scratching the surface when it comes to knowledge of God and if I am to truly trust God, then I have to know what God says. Thus the shift that I am trying to make through the power of the Holy Spirit. During my time alone with God, I am spending some days pouring out my heart to my heavenly Father in prayer and then I am searching Scripture for God's words that speak to my current heart issue. I am going to God, not man, to reassure me of my worth and value. As I was searching out Scripture for passages on God's sovereignty over my life, I came across some helpful Scripture that I would like to share.
Psalm 37:23-24 "The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the Lord upholds his hand."
Every step I take has been established by God, there is nothing I do that is a surprise to him. God is holding my hand as I walk along to keep me from falling on my face. When I am seeking after God, then I am also holding his hand.
Psalm 135:6 "Whatever the Lord pleases, he does, in heaven and on earth, in the seas and all deeps."
The Lord does whatever he pleases, and that includes making me. When God made me, he was pleased with what he had made. God was not disgusted or disappointed, he was pleased.
Matthew 6:25-34, but focusing on verse 26 "Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?"
This is a word that I need to hear regularly. Man is the only part of creation that was created in the image of God-man is special; I am special. God takes great care of all his creation, so why should I doubt that he would take great care of me, the part of creation that he specially created in his image?
Finally Psalm 139 (all of it); but focusing on verses 1-2, 4, 7, and 15-16
"O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar...Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether...Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?...My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."
God knows me, even better than I know me. He is aware of every moment of every day of my life. Before I can even think a thought, God knows it and holds it together. There is nowhere I can go where God is not also. I was not a secret or created apart from God's intricate design. He knew me before I was formed. He knew how many days I would be given before I was ever conceived. God is sovereign over every aspect of me life.
I share this today not to present myself as someone who has it all figured out. That is far from accurate. I struggle, every day with trusting God's sovereignty. I share this to hopefully encourage someone else who might also be struggling with trusting that God is sovereign over his or her life. I share this to let you know that you are not alone. Our struggles can be very isolating and we often feel very alone in our despair. I am telling you that you are not alone. There are many of us who are experiencing the same struggle. Finally, I am sharing this to be held accountable. I need to be reminded on my days of doubt and despair to run to Scripture. I need to be asked daily if I have meditated on the words of my heavenly Father. I need to be prompted every day to seek my comfort from God, not man. I have to remember that God is not done with me yet.
Philippians 1:6 "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Today I Hate My Body
There are days, today being one of them, when I really hate my body. Days when I avoid looking at myself in the mirror. Days when I feel like the most disgusting blob of a human being to walk the face of the earth. Days when I want to cry in the dressing room because the dress looks so awful on me. Days when I question my worth and value, especially to my husband. Days when I envy the bodies of women I know. Days when I hate my body.
I have struggled with body issues for most of my life. I think my body issues really became a struggle my freshman year in high school. It was around that time that people began to make comments about my weight. I remember being told at a doctor's appointment that I was overweight for my height, I believe at the time I was a little over 130 pounds and at a height of 5'5". My high school gym teacher used to grab the skin at the top of my arm and make comments about the fat there. I do not believe that his intention was to make me feel bad about myself, but instead to motivate a rather lazy girl to actually participate in gym class, but the damage was done. I also had my first serious boyfriend that year and he was not very nice to me and never made me feel pretty enough. It was around that time that I stopped eating lunch at school. I began to avoid meals whenever I could do it without being noticed. I never ate in front of my boyfriend for fear that he would think I was fat.
I have never been very skinny and I always felt that I never quite measured up in the beauty department. Yeah, I might be cute and sometimes even pretty, but not beautiful. My body has always been a little on the soft and mushy side and I have never considered myself to be a classic beauty. I have never been one for make up or doing my hair on a regular basis, and when I do dress up, I always feel awkward, like I am not worthy to be wearing such a cute outfit and that everyone can see that I am just a poser. When someone I found attractive felt the same about me, I was always shocked. I never felt like I was worthy of the really good looking guys, which is why I have always been amazed by the fact that my husband chose me. I have always felt like the one who "dated up" in the relationship, meaning that I was not the same caliber of attractive as my husband.
Even with the love of my husband, I still struggle with my body. I have carried two children in my womb, so my body bears the battle scars of those experiences. My body is much larger than it used to be and I do not think I would classify any part of my body as being toned. I have fluctuated in weight a lot over the past 5 years, since the birth of my son. My husband and I do not experience the same intense desire for each other that we did in our early years. Most of the time I am able to be logical and reasonable about the fact that most nights my husband and I are exhausted from life and just want to go to sleep instead of those other things married couples do. But there are days when I can't help but think destructive thoughts like, "of course my husband doesn't want me, I am disgusting, have you seen the way I look? Who would want that?" These are the days when I hate my body.
I wish I could say that as I have grown in my walk with Christ that I don't have nearly as many "I hate my body" days, but that is not true. I still have way too many days when I hate my body. In the past I have been really bad about bottling up those feelings and not letting my husband know when I am feeling especially gross and unattractive. Recently I have tried to be more honest with him, letting him know, "hey today is a bad day, I feel pretty ugly today." There are times though, where it seems to me that he gets frustrated with me and probably is thinking, "really, you are still dealing with that? why can't you just get over it." He wants to help and encourage me, but I think he doesn't really know how. Then I realized something this morning; I am still depending on my husband to make me feel good about myself. What a huge burden to put on him. My worth is not found in whether or not my husband thinks I'm a sexy mama. My worth is in Christ. So today I decided to make a change. Instead of wallowing in my self-hate and hoping my husband would do something nice for me to make me feel better, I went to Scripture. In my prayer journal I poured out my heart to my heavenly Father and then I went to his word to find Scripture to meditate on when the days are bad.
Genesis 1:27-"So God made man in his own image, in the image of God he made him; male and female he made them."
I am made in the image of God. This is not some sweet sentiment that should be glossed over. This is valuable truth that should speak to my soul. I am valuable and precious to God, not because I am pretty or did anything of worth, but simply because God made me, in his image. I am his daughter and he delights in me.
Psalm 139:13-14- "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."
I am not an accident or a coincidence. God took great care in forming me. He knitted me together. I don't know what you know about knitting, but I have watched my friend knit many a project and knitting is very personal. Knitting is a hands-on experience that takes time and effort and great care and skill. God took that time and care to form me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made by an expert creator. I am beautiful because my God made me.
Proverbs 31:30- "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."
All of our physical qualities are fleeting and momentary. Being a supermodel will not gain me God's favor. The only way I am accepted by God is through the death of his son Jesus. When I seek after Christ and bring glory to God, then I am chasing after things that matter. When I enter into eternity with Christ, it won't matter how many people thought I was pretty, all that will matter is that I am identified by Christ's atoning blood.
Isaiah 64:8- "But now, O Lord, you are our Father, we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand."
Again, I am created lovingly by God. He did not make a mistake when he made me.
1 Peter 3:3-4- "Do not let your adorning be external-the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear-but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."
God does not care if I am up on the latest fashion, or if my hair is in a ponytail for the 15th day in a row, or if I am wearing make-up or jewelry. God wants me to seek after him, know him more, and bring honor and glory to his name. When I am filled with the Spirit and walking in the light of Jesus, then I am precious to God. When I am identified with Christ, then I am precious in God's sight because I am his child.
Today I may hate my body, but today I am making a change. Today I am not going to depend on man to build up my self-worth. Today I am going to meditate on the words of my heavenly Father. Today I am going to remember that I am fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of my most talented Creator. Today I am going to remember, that this world and this body are temporary and I should be focused on things of heaven. Today I am going to remember that my identity is in the precious blood of Christ, not in my appearance. Today I am going to seek after Christ and not beauty.
I have struggled with body issues for most of my life. I think my body issues really became a struggle my freshman year in high school. It was around that time that people began to make comments about my weight. I remember being told at a doctor's appointment that I was overweight for my height, I believe at the time I was a little over 130 pounds and at a height of 5'5". My high school gym teacher used to grab the skin at the top of my arm and make comments about the fat there. I do not believe that his intention was to make me feel bad about myself, but instead to motivate a rather lazy girl to actually participate in gym class, but the damage was done. I also had my first serious boyfriend that year and he was not very nice to me and never made me feel pretty enough. It was around that time that I stopped eating lunch at school. I began to avoid meals whenever I could do it without being noticed. I never ate in front of my boyfriend for fear that he would think I was fat.
I have never been very skinny and I always felt that I never quite measured up in the beauty department. Yeah, I might be cute and sometimes even pretty, but not beautiful. My body has always been a little on the soft and mushy side and I have never considered myself to be a classic beauty. I have never been one for make up or doing my hair on a regular basis, and when I do dress up, I always feel awkward, like I am not worthy to be wearing such a cute outfit and that everyone can see that I am just a poser. When someone I found attractive felt the same about me, I was always shocked. I never felt like I was worthy of the really good looking guys, which is why I have always been amazed by the fact that my husband chose me. I have always felt like the one who "dated up" in the relationship, meaning that I was not the same caliber of attractive as my husband.
Even with the love of my husband, I still struggle with my body. I have carried two children in my womb, so my body bears the battle scars of those experiences. My body is much larger than it used to be and I do not think I would classify any part of my body as being toned. I have fluctuated in weight a lot over the past 5 years, since the birth of my son. My husband and I do not experience the same intense desire for each other that we did in our early years. Most of the time I am able to be logical and reasonable about the fact that most nights my husband and I are exhausted from life and just want to go to sleep instead of those other things married couples do. But there are days when I can't help but think destructive thoughts like, "of course my husband doesn't want me, I am disgusting, have you seen the way I look? Who would want that?" These are the days when I hate my body.
I wish I could say that as I have grown in my walk with Christ that I don't have nearly as many "I hate my body" days, but that is not true. I still have way too many days when I hate my body. In the past I have been really bad about bottling up those feelings and not letting my husband know when I am feeling especially gross and unattractive. Recently I have tried to be more honest with him, letting him know, "hey today is a bad day, I feel pretty ugly today." There are times though, where it seems to me that he gets frustrated with me and probably is thinking, "really, you are still dealing with that? why can't you just get over it." He wants to help and encourage me, but I think he doesn't really know how. Then I realized something this morning; I am still depending on my husband to make me feel good about myself. What a huge burden to put on him. My worth is not found in whether or not my husband thinks I'm a sexy mama. My worth is in Christ. So today I decided to make a change. Instead of wallowing in my self-hate and hoping my husband would do something nice for me to make me feel better, I went to Scripture. In my prayer journal I poured out my heart to my heavenly Father and then I went to his word to find Scripture to meditate on when the days are bad.
Genesis 1:27-"So God made man in his own image, in the image of God he made him; male and female he made them."
I am made in the image of God. This is not some sweet sentiment that should be glossed over. This is valuable truth that should speak to my soul. I am valuable and precious to God, not because I am pretty or did anything of worth, but simply because God made me, in his image. I am his daughter and he delights in me.
Psalm 139:13-14- "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."
I am not an accident or a coincidence. God took great care in forming me. He knitted me together. I don't know what you know about knitting, but I have watched my friend knit many a project and knitting is very personal. Knitting is a hands-on experience that takes time and effort and great care and skill. God took that time and care to form me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made by an expert creator. I am beautiful because my God made me.
Proverbs 31:30- "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."
All of our physical qualities are fleeting and momentary. Being a supermodel will not gain me God's favor. The only way I am accepted by God is through the death of his son Jesus. When I seek after Christ and bring glory to God, then I am chasing after things that matter. When I enter into eternity with Christ, it won't matter how many people thought I was pretty, all that will matter is that I am identified by Christ's atoning blood.
Isaiah 64:8- "But now, O Lord, you are our Father, we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand."
Again, I am created lovingly by God. He did not make a mistake when he made me.
1 Peter 3:3-4- "Do not let your adorning be external-the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear-but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."
God does not care if I am up on the latest fashion, or if my hair is in a ponytail for the 15th day in a row, or if I am wearing make-up or jewelry. God wants me to seek after him, know him more, and bring honor and glory to his name. When I am filled with the Spirit and walking in the light of Jesus, then I am precious to God. When I am identified with Christ, then I am precious in God's sight because I am his child.
Today I may hate my body, but today I am making a change. Today I am not going to depend on man to build up my self-worth. Today I am going to meditate on the words of my heavenly Father. Today I am going to remember that I am fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of my most talented Creator. Today I am going to remember, that this world and this body are temporary and I should be focused on things of heaven. Today I am going to remember that my identity is in the precious blood of Christ, not in my appearance. Today I am going to seek after Christ and not beauty.
Monday, February 17, 2014
Why Frozen is My New Favorite Disney Movie of ALL TIME!
If you have read my blog before you probably know that I have a problem with most Disney princesses. However, a couple of weeks ago my husband and I took our kids to see Frozen at the theater and Anna and Elsa have redeemed my love for Disney princesses. Please note that this blog will contain spoilers and if you do not wish to have the greatest Disney movie of all time ruined for you, then read no further and please click that lovely red X in the top right hand corner of your screen. I will understand, really. For those of you who have experienced Frozen in all its glory, please read on for the reasons why this is my new favorite Disney movie of all time.
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| Disney Frozen (2013) |
1. The Music!
As soon as the very first song started in the movie theater, I leaned over my children and whispered to my husband, "Can we please buy this soundtrack?" I was in love from "Do You Wanna Build a Snowman?" The songs kept getting better and the music behind the lyrics did such a lovely job of emoting what was happening on the screen. Not to mention, the story was written in true musical fashion, which I absolutely love. My entire family loves to sing along and we carry the soundtrack with us everywhere!! Not only did Disney give us some pretty spectacular music, they also had the brilliance to cast Idina Menzel as Elsa which was simply pure genius. When she sings "Let It Go" it is pure gold. Menzel has always done such a beautiful job of emoting with her voice and she brings such beautiful dimension to the character of Elsa. My only issue with the music was that Jonathan Groff, the voice of Kristoff, did not sing more. I love his voice and I am disappointed that his only song was a goofy number, that while entertaining, did not display his true abilities.
2. The fact that "love at first sight" is portrayed as ridiculous.
Early on in the movie, teenage Anna meets Hans at a party. They sing a little number, Hans proposes and Anna accepts.When Anna asks for her sister Elsa's blessing on the engagement and Elsa plainly tells her, "you can't marry someone you just met." Later, after Anna has met Kristoff and is telling him her story, he is shocked and appalled at the idea of getting engaged to someone you just met. Even the trolls dismiss her engagement as not being real. Of course, towards the end we learn just how dangerous it is to commit yourself to someone you just met when we discover that Hans is actually a power hungry villain who is willing to kill both Anna and her sister just so he can be a king. People can pretend to be anyone for a little while, but the truth always comes out and unless you spend time getting to know someone, you can't know the truth about them.
3. You can't change someone.
When Kristoff takes Anna to the trolls, they immediately try to set the two of them up and they sing a fun little number titled, "Fixer Upper". The trolls keep telling Anna that even though Kristoff is a little bit of a fixer upper, all he needs is a little love. My favorite part of this song is the bridge when one of the trolls tells Anna that you can't actually change someone, but that instead love is a powerful force that can bring out the best in people. Throughout the movie, the undercurrent is there that people make poor choices when they are frightened or stressed or angry, and that if they could only experience true love, they would act differently. This is so contrary to what Disney has portrayed in the past and it is much more like real life. You cannot change someone simply by loving them, however, the love of the right person (and especially the love of Jesus) can give someone the courage and strength to try harder to be their best self.
4. True love is not confined to romantic relationships.
When Anna is shot through the heart with ice, the troll tells her that only an act of true love will melt the ice. Of course, we all assume that this means she needs true love's kiss. Kristoff rushes Anna back to Hans so that his kiss can save her, however, Hans is the bad guy. Later Kristoff, rushes back to save Anna, because we are still assuming that only true love's kiss can save her. Then Anna sees Hans preparing to kill her sister Elsa. Instead of rushing to Hans to save her own life, Anna shields Elsa from Hans' sword, thus sacrificing her life to save her sister's. Anna is the one who exhibits the act of true love. It is the act of true love between sisters that melts Anna's heart. This is a really powerful statement that Disney is making. So often in the past, princesses have been quick to give up their families to get their Prince Charming. But Frozen shows that true love has many forms and it's not always about "getting your man."
5. The unintentional portrayal of the Gospel.
I must give my husband, Aaron, a lot of credit for this part as he pointed out many of the ways that this movie portrays the Gospel of salvation. He and I have discussed this movie quite a bit and hopefully he won't mind me sharing what we discovered. I know that Disney did make this movie with the intent of portraying the gospel and more than likely they were just trying to tell a good story; which just goes to show how creativity is truly a gift of God and how God can be glorified by his creation, even without the knowledge of the creation.
Throughout the movie you see Elsa being captive to her fear and having to always perform. Elsa always has to be the good girl and when she can't perform any longer, she runs away and chooses to live isolated. She says that she is free, but in actuality that is far from the truth. She is still consumed by her fear and it is not until she realizes the power of love that she is truly set free.
You also see how sin has far reaching consequences. We don't like to talk about our sin and we don't like to admit that we are sinners. We prefer to think that as long as we are not hurting anyone else that our actions don't matter. However, it is very rare that our actions only effect us; more times than not our actions have far reaching consequences. We see this when Elsa sets off the eternal winter. Elsa believes that as long as she stays by herself that she can do whatever she wants and no one will be effected, however that is not the case. Elsa's actions, though innocent, set off a chain reaction that quickly effected the lives of everyone and most severely effected her sister. Now, I know that Elsa really did not do anything wrong and to call her setting off an eternal winter a sin is a stretch, however, think back to her parents. Her parents misheard the trolls and taught Elsa that she was not to feel anything and that she had to conceal her gift and never let anyone know her power, and that was wrong, or a sin. The sin of the parents effected Elsa's choices and those choices effected everyone.
Anna never gives up on her sister. I think anyone else would have simply written off someone who never acknowledged her presence, but not Anna. When Anna realizes why Elsa has remained closed off for all of these years, she seeks out her sister. She believes that her sister can fix everything. Elsa repeatedly sends Anna away, or rejects her, and every time Anna comes back. Anna never gives up on Elsa, much like Christ never gives up on us.
The final, and I think most obvious correlation to the gospel is the sacrifice of Anna for Elsa. Anna did nothing wrong in this whole situation. Anna is the innocent one and for all intents and purposes, Elsa is the guilty one. Elsa's actions are the cause of Anna's deteriorating condition and even Elsa believes that she deserves to die. However, Anna's love for her sister is so strong that she gives her life to save Elsa. This is what Christ did for us on the cross. Jesus lived a perfect life, was completely blameless before the Father, and in his love for us, the guilty ones who deserved death, he went to the cross in our place. Jesus took the judgement that we deserved and his love, death, and resurrection sets us free and enables us to live changed lives.
I hope that you will take the time to watch Frozen, either in the theater or when it comes out on DVD in March and I hope that you will love it as much as my family did. But, I also hope that you will see past the well written story and see the glorification of God and will seek Christ.
Monday, February 10, 2014
Maintaining Hope For Lost Loved Ones
It has been a week since I posted last and for that I am sorry. Last week was a tough week and my heart was not in writing anything. Yesterday was a day of rejuvenation and refreshment at church and during family time. I was able to take a long nap snuggled up with my 3 year old daughter, which never happens anymore, and that moment alone was enough to get me through the week. I was also able to worship my Lord and Savior through singing and hearing the truth preached from his word and serving in the children's ministry at church. My heart was truly ministered to as I read a chapter in the book Life's Biggest Questions by Erik Thoennes on "What is a Human Being?" This chapter was part of my homework for Women's School, but God knew that hidden within the paragraphs would be words that would strengthen my resolve and help me push onward.
I have written before on the blog on the topic of reconciliation and that situation is what leads me to write this post. I have someone in my life whom I love very much and over whom my heart breaks often. This person has hurt me and hurt my family many times in the past and there have been times when I have wanted to write her off and there have been times when I have felt she was a lost cause and not worth my time or effort. However, as Christ has grown me over the past few months and as I have come to realize my utter and complete dependence on the cross, my attitude towards this person has been changed through the power of the Holy Spirit. Instead of being angry with her, I am now burdened for her. Instead of wanting nothing to do with her, I have a deep desire to reach out to her and minister to her in grace and love. Instead of scoffing at her life choices, my heart breaks as I watch her get closer and closer to death, and fear that her death will mean she will spend eternity in hell.
In the past I have kept silent to this person because I didn't want the drama and I didn't want to rock the boat and because I simply was not willing to get dirty in her mess if that was asked of me. I wanted to keep her at a distance, be judgmental, and feel superior each time she failed. The transforming power of the Holy Spirit is amazing and it has truly transformed my heart for this person. I have spoken my concerns to her for the first time in our relationship. I am praying for her on a regular basis in a way that I never have before. My heart is truly broken and burdened for her to the point that I can no longer stand idly by, but must instead join in the fight for her life. I am not sure exactly what that is going to look like or what will be asked of me, but for the first time I am willing to get in the mess and answer "yes" to what is asked of me.
This past week I reached out to this person and I told her all of my concerns. The response I got was not entirely pleasant and it was very clear that she did not see any validity in my concerns. To be honest, I was not surprised at her response and even told myself, "well at least I said something and my conscience is clear." Then as I sat in church yesterday, I realized that my conscience was not clear because I was not called to simply speak my concerns and hope she listened. I have been called to love her and get in her mess with her. I have been called to love her as Christ loves me, even when it's hard and even when it seems it is all in vain. Loving someone who is hostile to the gospel is not easy, but I keep telling myself that her life is precious and her life has value and that she is worth it.
After leaving church, I knew that my call was to love her, but I still felt despair because if I was honest with myself, I was doubting that she would ever change. Then as I was reading for my homework assignment I came across this:
"When God redeems someone, he is re-creating with the same power with which he spoke the world into existence. God is the powerful, wise, good God who made everything; knowing this provides great hope for personal and cosmic transformation. There is never room for a believer to despair over his or her own level of sanctification, nor is it legitimate to doubt God's ability to change someone we are ministering to, because God's power as Creator is fully able change rebellious hearts into worshipful ones." [emphasis mine] (Thoennes, Life's Biggest Questions, 2011, pp 132-133)
This was exactly what my heart needed to hear. I cannot save this person and I cannot change her heart, but I trust in a God who created the universe by simply speaking it into existence. If God can do that, then he surely is powerful enough to change the heart of someone hostile to the gospel. Being reminded of this truth has renewed my hope that this person can be saved and that one day I will rejoice with the angels in heaven as she calls on Jesus as her salvation.
I share this one to ask for your prayers. I know you don't know her name, but God does, so please lift her up to our Heavenly Father that his transforming power will affect her heart and show her how desperately she needs a savior. Secondly, I share this to also share my renewed hope. Most of us have that one person over which our heart is burdened and it is easy to lose hope. Let the truth of God's mighty transforming power give you hope and renew your resolve. Loving someone to Jesus is a hard road that sometimes seems endless, but our Savior is mighty and strong and capable of softening even the hardest hearts. Keep pursing!
I have written before on the blog on the topic of reconciliation and that situation is what leads me to write this post. I have someone in my life whom I love very much and over whom my heart breaks often. This person has hurt me and hurt my family many times in the past and there have been times when I have wanted to write her off and there have been times when I have felt she was a lost cause and not worth my time or effort. However, as Christ has grown me over the past few months and as I have come to realize my utter and complete dependence on the cross, my attitude towards this person has been changed through the power of the Holy Spirit. Instead of being angry with her, I am now burdened for her. Instead of wanting nothing to do with her, I have a deep desire to reach out to her and minister to her in grace and love. Instead of scoffing at her life choices, my heart breaks as I watch her get closer and closer to death, and fear that her death will mean she will spend eternity in hell.
In the past I have kept silent to this person because I didn't want the drama and I didn't want to rock the boat and because I simply was not willing to get dirty in her mess if that was asked of me. I wanted to keep her at a distance, be judgmental, and feel superior each time she failed. The transforming power of the Holy Spirit is amazing and it has truly transformed my heart for this person. I have spoken my concerns to her for the first time in our relationship. I am praying for her on a regular basis in a way that I never have before. My heart is truly broken and burdened for her to the point that I can no longer stand idly by, but must instead join in the fight for her life. I am not sure exactly what that is going to look like or what will be asked of me, but for the first time I am willing to get in the mess and answer "yes" to what is asked of me.
This past week I reached out to this person and I told her all of my concerns. The response I got was not entirely pleasant and it was very clear that she did not see any validity in my concerns. To be honest, I was not surprised at her response and even told myself, "well at least I said something and my conscience is clear." Then as I sat in church yesterday, I realized that my conscience was not clear because I was not called to simply speak my concerns and hope she listened. I have been called to love her and get in her mess with her. I have been called to love her as Christ loves me, even when it's hard and even when it seems it is all in vain. Loving someone who is hostile to the gospel is not easy, but I keep telling myself that her life is precious and her life has value and that she is worth it.
After leaving church, I knew that my call was to love her, but I still felt despair because if I was honest with myself, I was doubting that she would ever change. Then as I was reading for my homework assignment I came across this:
"When God redeems someone, he is re-creating with the same power with which he spoke the world into existence. God is the powerful, wise, good God who made everything; knowing this provides great hope for personal and cosmic transformation. There is never room for a believer to despair over his or her own level of sanctification, nor is it legitimate to doubt God's ability to change someone we are ministering to, because God's power as Creator is fully able change rebellious hearts into worshipful ones." [emphasis mine] (Thoennes, Life's Biggest Questions, 2011, pp 132-133)
This was exactly what my heart needed to hear. I cannot save this person and I cannot change her heart, but I trust in a God who created the universe by simply speaking it into existence. If God can do that, then he surely is powerful enough to change the heart of someone hostile to the gospel. Being reminded of this truth has renewed my hope that this person can be saved and that one day I will rejoice with the angels in heaven as she calls on Jesus as her salvation.
I share this one to ask for your prayers. I know you don't know her name, but God does, so please lift her up to our Heavenly Father that his transforming power will affect her heart and show her how desperately she needs a savior. Secondly, I share this to also share my renewed hope. Most of us have that one person over which our heart is burdened and it is easy to lose hope. Let the truth of God's mighty transforming power give you hope and renew your resolve. Loving someone to Jesus is a hard road that sometimes seems endless, but our Savior is mighty and strong and capable of softening even the hardest hearts. Keep pursing!
Monday, February 3, 2014
Teaching our Kids About Grace is Important
Raising kids is hard work. One of the hardest things about raising children is dealing with discipline, especially as a Christian parent. When should we give our kids justice and when should we extend grace? This past weekend my husband and I were faced with just this dilemma.
On Saturday, my baby daddy and I decided to treat the kiddos and take them to see Frozen in the theater. We hardly ever take the kids to the movies and we wanted to do something special since our normal plans had been cancelled. I went outside where the kids were playing in the backyard and told them we were going to the movies, which of course thrilled them. On a side note, we have a rule with the kids that they are allowed to go outside without an adult as long as they stay in our backyard (which is fully fenced in).
Later on, I went outside to let the kids know it was time to go and to my dismay I could not see my kids in the backyard. In a panic I looked around the corner of our house and my heart dropped. My three year old daughter had gotten out of our yard and was digging in the dirt in front of our neighbor's house dangerously close to the road. As I began screaming at my daughter to come back to the house I see my son run around from the front yard of our neighbor's house. I was livid and in that moment I was ready to cancel our movie plans all together.
I brought the kids inside and explained why we have the outside rule that we do and just how dangerous it is to break that rule. A car could have hit Sophia or someone could have taken one of them before we even knew what was happening. I was justifiably very angry and my initial reaction was to punish my kids.
After talking with the kids about why what they did was wrong, I walked out of the room to talk with my husband about whether or not we were going to go to the movies. We talked for a few minutes and decided that we would still take the kids to the movie, but we were going to be clear about why.
I walked back into the living room and asked my son, who is the oldest would understand this lesson better, if he deserved to go to the movies. He shook his head no. I then asked him why didn't he deserve to go the movies. After a moment of thought, he responded, "because I broke the rule." Of course this was the answer I wanted from him. I wanted my son to understand that he had disobeyed and broken a rule and because of this disobedience he deserved to NOT go to the movies.
Then I told my son, that even though he and his sister had broken the rule and did not deserve to go to the movies we were going to extend grace and take them anyway. I was very clear that we were not extending them grace because we approved of what they had done, but simply because we loved them (and honestly because the hubby and I wanted to see the movie).
Later that night during our family devotions we were reading the story of Jesus and the two thieves on the cross. When we finished the story we talked about how the one thief on the cross was shown grace when Jesus told him he would be in Paradise. I asked Eli, my son, when he was shown grace that day. Eli thought for a moment and said, "when we went to the movies." I asked him if our grace meant what he had done was okay. Eli said no. We talked about how grace is not a free pass to keep doing wrong things. His dad and I still expect him and his sister to obey the rules. Grace is a gift and grace gives us the freedom to keep trying and defeat sin.
This is a lesson we all need. Grace has been extended to us from our heavenly Father. All of us are sinners who deserve punishment. None of us is good enough or holy enough to be considered righteous before God. On our best days and on our worst days we are abominations to God because of our sin. It is only because of God's grace that we are saved. We do not deserve salvation through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Jesus was perfect and he knew no sin, and yet he took on our sin and died our death on the cross so that we could be presented as righteous before God. This was God's plan from the very beginning, not because we deserve it but because God is gracious and loving. God loves us so much that he extended grace to us and made a way for us to be with him forever.
As a parent it is important to set boundaries and guidelines for our children and at times we have to discipline our children so they will hopefully learn a lesson. However, at times, it is also important to extend our children grace. I don't want my children to believe the lie that they have to perform a certain way to earn my love or to earn God's favor. They always have my love and nothing they can do can EARN God's favor. By showing them grace in our parenting we are teaching them about the ultimate gift of grace, we are showing them that the gifts they receive are because they are loved, not because they earned them. It is equally important though to ensure that our children understand that grace does excuse bad choices or give them a pass to keep making those bad choices. Obedience is to be expected and sometimes consequences are necessary. However, grace should also be extended at times, so that our kids will one day better understand the gospel.
On Saturday, my baby daddy and I decided to treat the kiddos and take them to see Frozen in the theater. We hardly ever take the kids to the movies and we wanted to do something special since our normal plans had been cancelled. I went outside where the kids were playing in the backyard and told them we were going to the movies, which of course thrilled them. On a side note, we have a rule with the kids that they are allowed to go outside without an adult as long as they stay in our backyard (which is fully fenced in).
Later on, I went outside to let the kids know it was time to go and to my dismay I could not see my kids in the backyard. In a panic I looked around the corner of our house and my heart dropped. My three year old daughter had gotten out of our yard and was digging in the dirt in front of our neighbor's house dangerously close to the road. As I began screaming at my daughter to come back to the house I see my son run around from the front yard of our neighbor's house. I was livid and in that moment I was ready to cancel our movie plans all together.
I brought the kids inside and explained why we have the outside rule that we do and just how dangerous it is to break that rule. A car could have hit Sophia or someone could have taken one of them before we even knew what was happening. I was justifiably very angry and my initial reaction was to punish my kids.
After talking with the kids about why what they did was wrong, I walked out of the room to talk with my husband about whether or not we were going to go to the movies. We talked for a few minutes and decided that we would still take the kids to the movie, but we were going to be clear about why.
I walked back into the living room and asked my son, who is the oldest would understand this lesson better, if he deserved to go to the movies. He shook his head no. I then asked him why didn't he deserve to go the movies. After a moment of thought, he responded, "because I broke the rule." Of course this was the answer I wanted from him. I wanted my son to understand that he had disobeyed and broken a rule and because of this disobedience he deserved to NOT go to the movies.
Then I told my son, that even though he and his sister had broken the rule and did not deserve to go to the movies we were going to extend grace and take them anyway. I was very clear that we were not extending them grace because we approved of what they had done, but simply because we loved them (and honestly because the hubby and I wanted to see the movie).
Later that night during our family devotions we were reading the story of Jesus and the two thieves on the cross. When we finished the story we talked about how the one thief on the cross was shown grace when Jesus told him he would be in Paradise. I asked Eli, my son, when he was shown grace that day. Eli thought for a moment and said, "when we went to the movies." I asked him if our grace meant what he had done was okay. Eli said no. We talked about how grace is not a free pass to keep doing wrong things. His dad and I still expect him and his sister to obey the rules. Grace is a gift and grace gives us the freedom to keep trying and defeat sin.
This is a lesson we all need. Grace has been extended to us from our heavenly Father. All of us are sinners who deserve punishment. None of us is good enough or holy enough to be considered righteous before God. On our best days and on our worst days we are abominations to God because of our sin. It is only because of God's grace that we are saved. We do not deserve salvation through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Jesus was perfect and he knew no sin, and yet he took on our sin and died our death on the cross so that we could be presented as righteous before God. This was God's plan from the very beginning, not because we deserve it but because God is gracious and loving. God loves us so much that he extended grace to us and made a way for us to be with him forever.
As a parent it is important to set boundaries and guidelines for our children and at times we have to discipline our children so they will hopefully learn a lesson. However, at times, it is also important to extend our children grace. I don't want my children to believe the lie that they have to perform a certain way to earn my love or to earn God's favor. They always have my love and nothing they can do can EARN God's favor. By showing them grace in our parenting we are teaching them about the ultimate gift of grace, we are showing them that the gifts they receive are because they are loved, not because they earned them. It is equally important though to ensure that our children understand that grace does excuse bad choices or give them a pass to keep making those bad choices. Obedience is to be expected and sometimes consequences are necessary. However, grace should also be extended at times, so that our kids will one day better understand the gospel.
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