When you read the Bible, especially the New Testament, it is pretty clear who the bad guys are, besides, you know, Satan. The bad guys are clearly the Pharisees and the religious leaders of the day. They are the ones who are threatened by Jesus, they are the ones who constantly doubt and question Jesus, and they are the ones who orchestrate his death on the cross (at least they think they orchestrate it).
Christians today have the beautiful privilege of reading the magnificent story of the Bible, already knowing the outcome. We get to read the story in hindsight, seeing how everything pans out from beginning to end. We have the bird's eye view of seeing all the parts come together; we know the plan and we get to see it play out.
I have heard people say that believing in Jesus must have been so much easier for the disciples because they got to touch him and see him in the flesh, they were able to talk to him face-to-face everyday for three years. Belief would have been so much easier back then.
This year I have been, at times very slowly, studying the book of John. Our church has spent the better part of a year preaching through the gospel of John, and I decided that I would also study the book during my daily time alone with God. As I have been reading and journaling through this beautiful gospel book, I have been trying to imagine myself in the moment described. I am trying to not just look at it from my perspective, but also trying to put myself in the shoes of those present. Something that I have come to realize is that I would have been one of the Pharisees, one of the skeptics; I would have been a bad guy.
You see, I know my personality. I am jaded and at times very skeptical of things. If someone were to tell me of a miracle today, my initial reaction would be skepticism and doubt. If I were standing in a synagogue listening to a carpenter's son claim to be not only the Son of God, but God himself, I would have thought he was looney toons. I would more than likely have been one of the good girls who knew the rules and tried my hardest to follow them and I would have looked down on Jesus because he didn't follow the rules. I would have believed with all my heart everything I had been taught by the religious leaders and I would not have been easily swayed.
We don't like to think that we would have been one of the bad guys in the narrative of the life of Jesus. We like to believe that we would have been one of the chosen twelve, or at the very least one of his devoted followers. But look at the disciples, they did not fully understand or even fully believe that Jesus was in fact God. My husband and I were talking about this on our long ride home from NC yesterday and he told me that during the time of Jesus there were many "Messiahs". Many men had come along claiming to be the Messiah the prophets were talking about.
In Acts 5, Peter and some of the other apostles had been put into prison for claiming the Jesus was the risen Son of God. Later that night an angel of the Lord appears, opens the doors of the prison and tells the apostles to go and stand in the temple and speak to the people. As you can imagine the high priests were not too happy about this situation. The apostles are brought before a council and the things they speak make the council so mad that many wanted to kill the apostles. But in verses 35-39 a Pharisee named Gamaliel, a man of great honor and respect, stands up and says:
"Men of Israel, take care what you are about to do with these men. For before before these days Theudas rose up, claiming to be somebody, and a number of men, about four hundred, joined him. He was killed, and all who followed him were dispersed and came to nothing. After him Judas the Galilean rose up in the days of the census and drew away some of the people after him. He too perished, and all who followed him were scattered. So in the present case I tell you, keep away from these men and let them alone, for if this plan or this undertaking is of man, it will fail; but if it is of God, you will not be to overthrow them. You might even be found opposing God!"
Gamaliel lists off two men who developed great followings prior to Jesus and you get the impression that there were many more. Had I been a Jew during this time, my skepticism would have said, "he's just another crazy guy claiming to be something he's not." I would not have believed in Jesus.
Praise God for his grace in allowing me to be born now when I can look at the whole story and see the truth from an outside perspective. Belief and faith in Jesus is a hard thing, no matter when you live. We like to think it would have been easier to physically see Jesus, but that's not true. It was just as hard then as it is now to believe that Jesus is the Son of God. However, believe it I do. If it was easy, everyone would do it :).
"Enter by the narrow gate. For the fate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few." Matthew 7:13-14
It may not be easy to trust in Jesus, but trusting in him leads to the greatest reward!
Monday, March 31, 2014
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Seeing God in The Midst of Chaos
This has been a week of great vehicular chaos for my family, and especially my poor husband.
- On Friday night, a little after midnight, someone was leaving the house across the street and backed into my husband's car (which was parked in the ditch in front of our house) leaving two huge dents in the side. When my husband saw the damage on Saturday and confronted the people living there, no one would admit to it, which means that we can't really do anything about it.
- On Sunday, my husband was driving home from church and someone basically ran him off the road causing him to shred his tire on the curb
- Yesterday morning (Wednesday) on the way to work someone stopped suddenly in front of my husband, he didn't have time to react and he ran into the back of the car.
Having one car involved in 3 accidents in 5 days is just not something that happens often. When my husband called me yesterday morning to inform me of the accident, his first words were, "I quit this week." At the time I did not know what to say other than I was so sorry it happened and that I loved him and that I was so glad he was ok. I spent my time alone with God yesterday praying for my husband, seeking out Scripture, and just leaning on God to help us see and feel his presence in the midst of what felt like complete and utter chaos.
As I sought comfort in God's word I kept being reminded that God is in complete control and that nothing that has happened in the last week caught him off guard. He was not surprised by the fact Aaron was in 3 wrecks in 5 days-God knew what was going to happen and this all fits into his grand plan. Our initial reaction is to question God's plan and to be confused by what could possibly come out of this chaos. We want to know the plan. But we don't deserve to be privy to God's plan. We could not even begin to comprehend God's plan even if he did let us in on it. We are not promised to ever know how the plan will work out, we are only promised that God does have a plan.
Yesterday Aaron and I both took great comfort in the fact that God is in control and that he has a good handle on everything. My husband pointed out yesterday that it was so comforting to know that God was not only sovereign but near in the chaos. God was not off on a business trip when Aaron wrecked his car yesterday. He was right there with Aaron. That is a beautiful truth to cling to.
As I do often here on the blog, I want to share the Scripture that really spoke truth into our chaos yesterday.
"putting everything in subjection under his feet." Now putting everything in subjection to him, he left nothing outside his control. At present, we do not yet see everything in subjection to him." Hebrews 2:8
- Nothing is outside of the control of God - NOTHING! We are not in a place where we can fully understand that truth, but it is truth none the less. God is in control!
"I form light and create darkness, I make well-being and create calamity, I am the Lord, who does all things." Isaiah 45:7
- God is working everything to his plan and he is in control
"The Lord has everything for its purpose, even the wicked for the day of trouble."
Proverbs 16:4
-God has purposed everything to fulfill his great plan. We may not ever know that plan, but the plan is still in place. God knows what he is doing and I need to simply rest in the fact that he is in control.
"For by him all things were created in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities - all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things and in him all things hold together." Colossians 1:16-17
- God is still holding everything together, even when it seems like it is all falling apart.
Finally I was comforted by the story of Jesus calming the raging sea (Matthew 8:23-27; Mark 4:35-41; Luke 8:22-25). All around the disciples the seas were raging and I'm sure they were certain their deaths were upon them. Then Jesus stood up and spoke to the winds and the waves and they stopped. At the sound of their Maker's voice, the winds and waves obeyed and stopped raging. My God is still that God who can calm a raging sea with just the sound of his voice.
A Goal Accomplished
On Tuesday of this week I completed a goal that I began working on February 25, 2014. It was that day that I sat down a created an actual outline for my first book. Well, to be honest my goal began on February 18, 2014 with one of my most popular blog posts to date: Today I Hate My Body. This blog post was the catalyst for my book. I stepped out of my comfort zone and joined a Facebook group at the beginning of March called 30 Days of Hustle and I shared with that group my goal of writing a book. The purpose of doing joining this group and sharing my goal was to be encouraged and also held accountable to actually writing the book.
I will admit that I was really scared to write a book. I feared that I do not possess the talent necessary to write a book. I feared that I would not finish since I have started many a project that have yet to be completed. I feared that I would fail.
There were only 4 people who have known that I was writing a book since that day in February: my parents, my sister, and my husband. I later told a close friend and then even later I told the women in my Community Group. I did not want to tell people in case I did not finish. I was terrified of letting everyone down or being seen as a failure. It took a lot of courage for me to actually tell people that I was starting this journey. I knew that I would never actually finish unless there was a core group of people who could journey with me and push me towards the finish line.
Well on Tuesday, March 25, 2014 I wrote the final words of the first draft of my book!
I will admit that I was really scared to write a book. I feared that I do not possess the talent necessary to write a book. I feared that I would not finish since I have started many a project that have yet to be completed. I feared that I would fail.
There were only 4 people who have known that I was writing a book since that day in February: my parents, my sister, and my husband. I later told a close friend and then even later I told the women in my Community Group. I did not want to tell people in case I did not finish. I was terrified of letting everyone down or being seen as a failure. It took a lot of courage for me to actually tell people that I was starting this journey. I knew that I would never actually finish unless there was a core group of people who could journey with me and push me towards the finish line.
Well on Tuesday, March 25, 2014 I wrote the final words of the first draft of my book!
I have sent the book to some people for editing and I am preparing to begin the next stage: revision! For those who have been on this journey with me from the beginning and for those who are just joining this journey now, here are some things you can pray for me and also ways you can encourage me:
- Pray that I will be committed to the process-it would be very easy for me to just say, "I've written it and now I'm done".
- Pray that I will accept the feedback well-I struggle with criticism, especially in regards to my writing. I need to see the feedback as ways to help improve my book.
- Pray that I will find the words to "thicken" the book-currently the book is very short, and I feel that I do need to add to it-right now that seems difficult
- Pray that I will remember that this is my first book and it will not make me rich and famous-pray that I will remember that this is to His Glory, not my own
So to close, cheers to an accomplished goal and cheers to the next phase! It feels really good to be in this moment!
Monday, March 24, 2014
I Am Not God!
Sometimes I think I know better than God. There are times when I believe that I know exactly what should happen in a given situation, and I pray for exactly that outcome. When the answer to my prayers is "no" and things don't go according to my plan, I doubt God's sovereignty and his plan. In the times when the answer is "no" I begin to doubt if God actually hears my prayers and I doubt whether he actually is working towards the good of his people. I forget that I am only seeing a minuscule part of a massive and intricate picture. I forget that I am not the center of the universe.
There is a person in my life whom I have been praying for fervently. I believe that I know exactly what this person needs (apart from a true relationship with Jesus) and I have been praying for my plan for this person to come to fruition. I have found Scripture to pray through for this person that I think justify my perspective. A couple of weeks ago a situation arose in this person's life and I truly believed that my plan was about to be enacted in this person's life. I actually thanked God for the situation because it meant that what I thought should happen would happen. Then God answered my prayers with a great big resounding, "NO".
In the days that followed I questioned God. I just could not understand how he could tell me "no" when clearly my plan was the best thing for this person. As I talked to other people connected to the situation we all talked about how it was hard to see God' sovereignty. Because I could not see the bigger plan, I chose to believe that God had dropped the ball. My arrogance and sin kept me from seeing God's grace in the life of this person.
How often do we chose to question God rather than trust him? How often do we chose anger over being told "no" rather than rejoicing in our God's sovereignty? How often do we believe the lie that we are God?
The truth of the matter is that I am not God. It is not up to Lisa Tant to keep the universe moving. It is not up to Lisa Tant to bring about the ultimate plan of our great God. It is not up to you either! Our plans cannot compare to the big beautiful plan that God has had in place since the beginning of time. That is a truth that is really difficult to grasp, but it is a beautiful truth worth clinging to.
God has had an ultimate, complete plan since BEFORE the beginning of time.
Psalm 139:16 - "Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."
Isaiah 46:9b-10 - "for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, 'My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish my purpose,"
Our God created the whole universe by simply speaking it into existence for the sole purpose of bringing glory to himself. God put into play, from the beginning, a beautiful salvation plan that calls his people to himself. Our God is at work and who are we to question his great plan?
When I begin to question God's goodness and sovereignty in the plans of my life, I remind myself of the story of Job. Job was a good, righteous man who feared the Lord and Satan attacked him and caused him great suffering. We, the readers, are able to see the greater plan at play in this story, but Job was never given that privilege. He only knew his current suffering and yet he still trusted in the goodness of his God. I love the end of Job, chapter 38 to the end. The Lord speaks into Job's situation, not with a great revelation of the plan at play, but simply by saying, "who are you?" Basically God says to Job, "were you there when I created everything? Are you able to control time? Do you possess the ability to control any part of creation?" God does not reveal his plan to Job, but simply establishes that he has a plan.
We need to remember that God is in control and we have done nothing to earn knowledge of that plan. We cannot comprehend the thoughts of God and we are foolish to think that we can come up with a plan that can outdo God.
Job 42:2 - "I know that you can do all things, and that no plan of yours can be thwarted."
Isaiah 55:8-9 - "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
God is in control, and that is all we need to know.
There is a person in my life whom I have been praying for fervently. I believe that I know exactly what this person needs (apart from a true relationship with Jesus) and I have been praying for my plan for this person to come to fruition. I have found Scripture to pray through for this person that I think justify my perspective. A couple of weeks ago a situation arose in this person's life and I truly believed that my plan was about to be enacted in this person's life. I actually thanked God for the situation because it meant that what I thought should happen would happen. Then God answered my prayers with a great big resounding, "NO".
In the days that followed I questioned God. I just could not understand how he could tell me "no" when clearly my plan was the best thing for this person. As I talked to other people connected to the situation we all talked about how it was hard to see God' sovereignty. Because I could not see the bigger plan, I chose to believe that God had dropped the ball. My arrogance and sin kept me from seeing God's grace in the life of this person.
How often do we chose to question God rather than trust him? How often do we chose anger over being told "no" rather than rejoicing in our God's sovereignty? How often do we believe the lie that we are God?
The truth of the matter is that I am not God. It is not up to Lisa Tant to keep the universe moving. It is not up to Lisa Tant to bring about the ultimate plan of our great God. It is not up to you either! Our plans cannot compare to the big beautiful plan that God has had in place since the beginning of time. That is a truth that is really difficult to grasp, but it is a beautiful truth worth clinging to.
God has had an ultimate, complete plan since BEFORE the beginning of time.
Psalm 139:16 - "Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."
Isaiah 46:9b-10 - "for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, 'My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish my purpose,"
Our God created the whole universe by simply speaking it into existence for the sole purpose of bringing glory to himself. God put into play, from the beginning, a beautiful salvation plan that calls his people to himself. Our God is at work and who are we to question his great plan?
When I begin to question God's goodness and sovereignty in the plans of my life, I remind myself of the story of Job. Job was a good, righteous man who feared the Lord and Satan attacked him and caused him great suffering. We, the readers, are able to see the greater plan at play in this story, but Job was never given that privilege. He only knew his current suffering and yet he still trusted in the goodness of his God. I love the end of Job, chapter 38 to the end. The Lord speaks into Job's situation, not with a great revelation of the plan at play, but simply by saying, "who are you?" Basically God says to Job, "were you there when I created everything? Are you able to control time? Do you possess the ability to control any part of creation?" God does not reveal his plan to Job, but simply establishes that he has a plan.
We need to remember that God is in control and we have done nothing to earn knowledge of that plan. We cannot comprehend the thoughts of God and we are foolish to think that we can come up with a plan that can outdo God.
Job 42:2 - "I know that you can do all things, and that no plan of yours can be thwarted."
Isaiah 55:8-9 - "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
God is in control, and that is all we need to know.
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Joy and Grace in the Daily Mundane Life
Time for confession and repentance. I don't always like being a stay-at-home mom and the keeper of the home. I kind of despise the fact that I have to load the dishwasher EVERYDAY. It gets on my nerves that the day after I get all of the laundry folded and put away, there is another basket of clothes waiting to be washed. I get really angry at the fact that within 30 minutes of me cleaning up the living room it is messy again. I have stopped trying to organize the playroom, because within 5 minutes all the toys are thrown around the room. In those moments, I am not a pleasant person and it is hard for me to see the joy or God's grace in my life.
Before I continue, let me be clear that I LOVE being a wife and mom and I am truly thankful for the opportunity to be able to be home with my kids. I am looking forward to the opportunity to begin homeschooling next year and being the one who is instructing my children. I would not trade my life, even on the bad days, for anything. This post is a confession that I allow the mundane and monotony of being a homemaker rob me of my joy and blind me to God's many graces.
For example, last night as I was getting ready to go to bed I walked through the kitchen and realized that I had not loaded the dishwasher yet, so the sink was overflowing. I had known all afternoon that I needed to load the dishwasher, but I had just done it the day before and I kept putting it off. I was tired of the monotony and I procrastinated to the point that I had to stay up an extra 20 minutes to unload and reload the dishwasher. To put it nicely, my thoughts and actions in those 20 minutes were not glorifying. As I laid down to prepare for sleep all I could think about was how much I hate doing the dishes everyday. I allowed my disdain for the mundane to keep me from remembering all the good things that happened that day.
Yesterday was actually a break from the monotony of my day-to-day life. I did not have to nanny yesterday, so I got an entire day with just my daughter. We were able to go to the zoo with a couple of friends and that was wonderful. I was reminded yesterday of how precious is the gift of friendship. My daughter and I were able to eat lunch with my husband at work and then we got to come home and nap together on the couch for 30 minutes. There were many moments of joy yesterday, but I could not recall any of them because I was wallowing in my sin of anger and resentment at having to do the same task yet again.
This morning I decided to make a change. I am realizing that my attitude is trickling down to my children. My kids have a hard time identifying the good things that happen each day and I think that has to do with my lack of modeling it. I know that if I am going to change my heart to focus more on joy and God's grace, I am going to need the power of the Spirit working in my heart. To be able to speak truth into my heart, I must first know the truth, so I spent some time in the Word this morning searching for verses about joy. Here is a list of what I found.
Ecclesiastes 9:7 - "Go, eat your bread with joy, and drink your wine with a merry heart, for God has already approved what you do."
Romans 15:13 - "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."
Isaiah 12:5-6 - "Sing praises to the Lord, for he has done gloriously; let this be made known in all the earth. Shout, and sing for joy, O inhabitant of Zion, for great in your midst is the Holy One of Israel."
Psalm 16:9, 11 - "Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure...You make known to me the path of life; in your presences there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 - "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."
Psalm 118:24 - "This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."
As I meditate on these words of truth I am convicted to be more intentional about identifying the moments of joy and evidences of God's graces in my day-to-day life. This morning I decided to make a change in the attitudes of my family. As the kids and I were driving to school, I told them that we were going to start taking time each night during our family devotion and prayer time to share a moment of joy and an evidence of God's grace from the day. I took time to talk to the kids about the importance of focusing on joy and God's grace so that we don't became angry and frustrated. I then gave them examples from the past couple of days of God's grace and moments of joy.
To end this post I want to share a few moments of joy from just this morning:
Before I continue, let me be clear that I LOVE being a wife and mom and I am truly thankful for the opportunity to be able to be home with my kids. I am looking forward to the opportunity to begin homeschooling next year and being the one who is instructing my children. I would not trade my life, even on the bad days, for anything. This post is a confession that I allow the mundane and monotony of being a homemaker rob me of my joy and blind me to God's many graces.
For example, last night as I was getting ready to go to bed I walked through the kitchen and realized that I had not loaded the dishwasher yet, so the sink was overflowing. I had known all afternoon that I needed to load the dishwasher, but I had just done it the day before and I kept putting it off. I was tired of the monotony and I procrastinated to the point that I had to stay up an extra 20 minutes to unload and reload the dishwasher. To put it nicely, my thoughts and actions in those 20 minutes were not glorifying. As I laid down to prepare for sleep all I could think about was how much I hate doing the dishes everyday. I allowed my disdain for the mundane to keep me from remembering all the good things that happened that day.
Yesterday was actually a break from the monotony of my day-to-day life. I did not have to nanny yesterday, so I got an entire day with just my daughter. We were able to go to the zoo with a couple of friends and that was wonderful. I was reminded yesterday of how precious is the gift of friendship. My daughter and I were able to eat lunch with my husband at work and then we got to come home and nap together on the couch for 30 minutes. There were many moments of joy yesterday, but I could not recall any of them because I was wallowing in my sin of anger and resentment at having to do the same task yet again.
This morning I decided to make a change. I am realizing that my attitude is trickling down to my children. My kids have a hard time identifying the good things that happen each day and I think that has to do with my lack of modeling it. I know that if I am going to change my heart to focus more on joy and God's grace, I am going to need the power of the Spirit working in my heart. To be able to speak truth into my heart, I must first know the truth, so I spent some time in the Word this morning searching for verses about joy. Here is a list of what I found.
Ecclesiastes 9:7 - "Go, eat your bread with joy, and drink your wine with a merry heart, for God has already approved what you do."
Romans 15:13 - "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."
Isaiah 12:5-6 - "Sing praises to the Lord, for he has done gloriously; let this be made known in all the earth. Shout, and sing for joy, O inhabitant of Zion, for great in your midst is the Holy One of Israel."
Psalm 16:9, 11 - "Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure...You make known to me the path of life; in your presences there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 - "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."
Psalm 118:24 - "This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."
As I meditate on these words of truth I am convicted to be more intentional about identifying the moments of joy and evidences of God's graces in my day-to-day life. This morning I decided to make a change in the attitudes of my family. As the kids and I were driving to school, I told them that we were going to start taking time each night during our family devotion and prayer time to share a moment of joy and an evidence of God's grace from the day. I took time to talk to the kids about the importance of focusing on joy and God's grace so that we don't became angry and frustrated. I then gave them examples from the past couple of days of God's grace and moments of joy.
To end this post I want to share a few moments of joy from just this morning:
- First thing this morning Sophia came into my bathroom and asked me if the baby I nanny for was still sick, when I told her no, she brushed her hand across her forehead and said, "shew". Precious
- In the car, Sophia said, "stupid is a bad word" (which in our family it is). Eli was about to tattle on her, when I asked her, "if it is a bad word, why did you say it?" Sophia paused for a few seconds and then with the cutest look on her face she said, "no, no, no, I didn't..." It was just so cute that I had to smile.
- Frozen is a current favorite thing in our house and we listen to the soundtrack EVERY TIME we get in the car and this morning my 3 year old was singing "Let It Go" at the top of her lungs-adorable
- My son offered to help his sister put her cup in the cup holder without being asked
- My son gave me the biggest kiss before walking into school and then looked back at me before going in the door
- I get to have lunch with my husband again today
- Tonight I get to spend time in community with some pretty awesome couples
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Friend, You Add Value to My Survival
Dear Friend,
Thank you for being my friend. You have made a city that was foreign to me not too long ago feel like home. You have given a dimension to my identity that had honestly been missing. With you as my friend, I no longer feel isolated and alone.
You see, I did not want to move to Louisville 5 years ago. I was very happy living in North Carolina. My parents lived 5 minutes down the road, we were only 45 minutes away from my in-laws, and all of my closest friends were no more than an hour away. I had an identity outside of my husband and child. I loved my job, I loved our home, and I never wanted to move away. After fighting the Spirit for quite some time, I reluctantly submitted to my husband's authority and we moved. I wasn't happy about it and for a very long time I was very lonely.
When we first moved here I did not have a job and it would be 6 long months before I would find employment. We went to church and I served in the nursery, but we were not plugged into a community group and I did not feel as if I could call any of the women I saw "friends". We spoke casually at church and that was it. I did not feel as if I had anyone I could call up and say, "hey, let's hang out." I felt so alone.
I became jealous of my husband because he had friends. He had guys that he could go to the movies with or workout with or just have coffee with. I had my son, who was between 1 and 2 at the time, and that was it. Even after I finally got a job, my work friends were just that, friends at work, not people I really hung out with outside of work. My isolation began to effect my marriage. I was not able to vocalize my feelings to my husband so I just bottled them up inside. We fought a lot because I allowed my resentment to pour out into other areas. Many nights I would lay in bed crying because I was so lonely. I lived for the times my family or friends would come for a visit or our sporadic trips home. When I was with people from home I was fully me. I was just waiting for the day Aaron graduated so that we could move back to North Carolina.
Then I met you. When you became my friend, Louisville didn't seem quite so lonely anymore. When I felt like I had a place outside of my home where I belonged, I no longer felt isolated and alone. When I began to have a life outside of my husband and children, I began to feel whole again. For so long, I was only identified by being Aaron's wife and Eli and Sophia's mom, and while that is wonderful and I love being a wife and mom so much, I had lost a part of myself that only real friends could bring out. I now have women that I can talk to about real issues and who are walking this journey of life with me. It was not until you became my friend that Louisville finally felt like home.
Having you as my friend as brought "wholeness" into my life. All the parts of myself feel as if they are present once again. Christ is growing me through my friendship with you and I am forever thankful for you. I am blessed to have you in my life.
C.S. Lewis said, “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.” (Read more: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/bible-verses-about-friendship-20-good-scripture-quotes/#ixzz2wMCPemqG)
You add value to my survival! Thank you for being my friend.
Thank you for being my friend. You have made a city that was foreign to me not too long ago feel like home. You have given a dimension to my identity that had honestly been missing. With you as my friend, I no longer feel isolated and alone.
You see, I did not want to move to Louisville 5 years ago. I was very happy living in North Carolina. My parents lived 5 minutes down the road, we were only 45 minutes away from my in-laws, and all of my closest friends were no more than an hour away. I had an identity outside of my husband and child. I loved my job, I loved our home, and I never wanted to move away. After fighting the Spirit for quite some time, I reluctantly submitted to my husband's authority and we moved. I wasn't happy about it and for a very long time I was very lonely.
When we first moved here I did not have a job and it would be 6 long months before I would find employment. We went to church and I served in the nursery, but we were not plugged into a community group and I did not feel as if I could call any of the women I saw "friends". We spoke casually at church and that was it. I did not feel as if I had anyone I could call up and say, "hey, let's hang out." I felt so alone.
I became jealous of my husband because he had friends. He had guys that he could go to the movies with or workout with or just have coffee with. I had my son, who was between 1 and 2 at the time, and that was it. Even after I finally got a job, my work friends were just that, friends at work, not people I really hung out with outside of work. My isolation began to effect my marriage. I was not able to vocalize my feelings to my husband so I just bottled them up inside. We fought a lot because I allowed my resentment to pour out into other areas. Many nights I would lay in bed crying because I was so lonely. I lived for the times my family or friends would come for a visit or our sporadic trips home. When I was with people from home I was fully me. I was just waiting for the day Aaron graduated so that we could move back to North Carolina.
Then I met you. When you became my friend, Louisville didn't seem quite so lonely anymore. When I felt like I had a place outside of my home where I belonged, I no longer felt isolated and alone. When I began to have a life outside of my husband and children, I began to feel whole again. For so long, I was only identified by being Aaron's wife and Eli and Sophia's mom, and while that is wonderful and I love being a wife and mom so much, I had lost a part of myself that only real friends could bring out. I now have women that I can talk to about real issues and who are walking this journey of life with me. It was not until you became my friend that Louisville finally felt like home.
Having you as my friend as brought "wholeness" into my life. All the parts of myself feel as if they are present once again. Christ is growing me through my friendship with you and I am forever thankful for you. I am blessed to have you in my life.
C.S. Lewis said, “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.” (Read more: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/bible-verses-about-friendship-20-good-scripture-quotes/#ixzz2wMCPemqG)
You add value to my survival! Thank you for being my friend.
Monday, March 17, 2014
Modeling the Gospel Is Not Easy
Yesterday was the child dedication service at my church and our pastor preached from John 17 when Jesus is praying in the garden for all those who will come to believe. Our pastor shared some beautiful truths from the passage on how we are created for union with God, created for glory and for more than this life, and that we are created for love. He gave us many things to think about, but something that really hit home for me is the importance of modeling the gospel to those around me, and especially to my children.
What does it look like to model the gospel? Our pastor encouraged us to look at all the "one another verses" in Scripture as a guide to modeling the gospel and union with God. Some examples are:
Romans 12:10-"Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor."
2 Corinthians 13:12-"Greet one another with a holy kiss."
1 Thessalonians 4:18-"Therefore encourage one another with these words."
John 15:12-"This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you."
Galatians 6:2-"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."
Ephesians 5:21-"Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ."
1 Peter 4:9-"Show hospitality to one another without grumbling"
Ephesians 4:32-"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
James 5:16-"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."
James 5:9-"Do not grumble against one another, brothers, so that you may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing at the door."
2 Corinthians 13:11-"Finally, brothers, rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you."
Colossians 3:13-"bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive"
I could go on and on, but I want you to keep reading, so I will stop there. As I look at these verses, I am able to extract the following ways to model the gospel:
I have been convicted that the model I am presenting to my children is not a model that brings honor and glory to God. When I complain about people in my life, I am modeling grumbling and disunity (I think I made up a word there, but I am going with it). When my children do something wrong and my response is, "I forgive you, but..." I am modeling that forgiveness has conditions. When I sin against my children and do not seek forgiveness from them, I am modeling that confession and forgiveness are not that important. When I yell at my kids because I am frustrated, I am not modeling the love Jesus has for me. When I don't take the time to greet my children, I am modeling that it is not important to show each other affection.
Today I am thankful for God's grace that picks me up and gives me the courage and power to keep trying. It is not easy to model the gospel; the gospel is in contradiction to our human nature. Our sinful nature says to be selfish, while the gospel says to be self-sacrificing. My first instinct when I sin against my children is to just gloss over it because I want them to fear and respect me; the transforming power of the Spirit in my heart urges me to seek forgiveness and to model how we are all in need of a savior. It is a weighty burden to model the gospel to others, but the transforming work of the Spirit in our lives is the greatest witness that someone can see. Today be challenged, encouraged, and empowered to model the gospel; it's hard, but worth it!
What does it look like to model the gospel? Our pastor encouraged us to look at all the "one another verses" in Scripture as a guide to modeling the gospel and union with God. Some examples are:
Romans 12:10-"Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor."
2 Corinthians 13:12-"Greet one another with a holy kiss."
1 Thessalonians 4:18-"Therefore encourage one another with these words."
John 15:12-"This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you."
Galatians 6:2-"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."
Ephesians 5:21-"Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ."
1 Peter 4:9-"Show hospitality to one another without grumbling"
Ephesians 4:32-"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
James 5:16-"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."
James 5:9-"Do not grumble against one another, brothers, so that you may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing at the door."
2 Corinthians 13:11-"Finally, brothers, rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you."
Colossians 3:13-"bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive"
I could go on and on, but I want you to keep reading, so I will stop there. As I look at these verses, I am able to extract the following ways to model the gospel:
- Love one another like family-be kind
- Greet others with an affection that reflects the love of God
- Encourage others instead of tearing them down
- Bear each other's burdens-get in the mess of life with people
- Submit to the authorities in your life
- Show hospitality
- Be quick to give forgiveness
- Confess your sins to those you have sinned against and seek forgiveness
- Pray for others
- Don't grumble about others
- Seek restoration and peace with the body of Christ
I have been convicted that the model I am presenting to my children is not a model that brings honor and glory to God. When I complain about people in my life, I am modeling grumbling and disunity (I think I made up a word there, but I am going with it). When my children do something wrong and my response is, "I forgive you, but..." I am modeling that forgiveness has conditions. When I sin against my children and do not seek forgiveness from them, I am modeling that confession and forgiveness are not that important. When I yell at my kids because I am frustrated, I am not modeling the love Jesus has for me. When I don't take the time to greet my children, I am modeling that it is not important to show each other affection.
Today I am thankful for God's grace that picks me up and gives me the courage and power to keep trying. It is not easy to model the gospel; the gospel is in contradiction to our human nature. Our sinful nature says to be selfish, while the gospel says to be self-sacrificing. My first instinct when I sin against my children is to just gloss over it because I want them to fear and respect me; the transforming power of the Spirit in my heart urges me to seek forgiveness and to model how we are all in need of a savior. It is a weighty burden to model the gospel to others, but the transforming work of the Spirit in our lives is the greatest witness that someone can see. Today be challenged, encouraged, and empowered to model the gospel; it's hard, but worth it!
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Transforming A Crappy Attitude
Have you ever had one of those days where your attitude just sucked? One of those days when you woke up in crappy mood and everything seemed to go wrong? One of those days when you are snapping at everyone and people are afraid to be around you? One of those days when you not focused on things of the Spirit?
Today has been one of those days for me. I have felt off kilter all morning and things just are not going the way I wanted them to go. I felt out of control and that has pushed me into "anger zone." This morning I was snapping at my kids, thinking really mean thoughts about the people around me, and having a nice little pity party because things were not working out the way I wanted. I felt justified in all of my feelings until I remembered that it is not up to me to keep the universe in motion.
Sometimes I need to be reminded that I am not God and that if my plans fall through, oh well. I need to be reminded that God has not tasked me with being in control of everything, he has tasked me with being filled with the Spirit and bringing glory to his name. Days like today, I need to refocus my mind on things of the Spirit so that I can be pleasing to God.
As I have shared in some of my previous posts, I am learning to seek God's Words when I am struggling and I am practicing praying through Scripture. I want to be the kind of person who prays by getting in God's face with God's word. I want to remember God's promises and cry out to him to fulfill those promises. Today I am going to share four pieces of Scripture, talk a little about how they spoke to me this morning and then share with you how I prayed through them.
Romans 8:5-"For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit."
How it spoke to me: This morning my mind was definitely set on things of the flesh-I was consumed by what I wanted and how I wanted it and getting angry when life did not follow my plan. I needed to be reminded that since I live according to the Spirit, that I need to set my mind on things of the Spirit. I also needed to be reminded that it takes a conscious effort to set my mind on the things of the Spirit.
How I prayed through it: First I confessed to God that my mind was set on things of the flesh then I asked for God's help to set my mind on things of the Spirit.
Romans 8:10-"But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness."
How it spoke to me: Sometimes I forget that since I am in Christ and Christ is in me, that I also have the Spirit in me. I depend on myself for my righteousness and forget that my righteousness is through Christ alone and that the Spirit is my life-giving force. I forget that I do not possess the ability on my own to change anything-that it is all done through the Spirit in me.
How I prayed through it: I asked God to remind me that the Spirit is already in me and that it's not up to my own power to change my attitude. Then I asked the Spirit to do that work in me and I asked for power to simply allow the Spirit to work in my soul.
Ephesians 5:18-"Do not be drunk with wine for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit."
How it spoke to me: I bet your thinking, as I did when I was first told to memorize this verse, that it is a strange and really weird verse. Why does Paul talk about being drunk and being filled with the Spirit in the same sentence? What do those two things have to do with each other? We were discussing the work of the Holy Spirit in Women's School a few weeks back and the teacher explained to us that this verse is meant to be viewed as an analogy. When you are drunk, people know it. Being drunk effects your speech, the way you walk, the way you interact with people, everything; people can tell when you are drunk. This is how it should be when we are filled with the Spirit. The Spirit should effect our speech, the way we walk, the way we interact with people, everything; people should be able to tell when you are filled with the Spirit. This applied to me today, because much like people can tell when I am drunk, people can also tell when I am filled with a spirit of anger and frustration.
How I prayed through it: I cried out to God to fill me with the Spirit and to take away my spirit of anger and frustration. I confessed that my kids can see when I am angry and frustrated and that those feelings effect the way I treat my children. I asked God to help me to demonstrate to my children what it looks like to be filled with the Spirit.
Ezekiel 36:26-27-"And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statues and be careful to obey my rules."
How it spoke to me: Again I need to be reminded that God has already done the transforming work in me and that he has already replaced my heart of stone with a heart of flesh.
How I prayed through it: I asked God to remind me that he has already put a new heart within me and that he has already filled me with the Spirit. I asked God to help me to be renewed by the fact that the work has already been done and to help me walk in that assurance.
My challenge to you is to dig into God's word and find his truths that speak to whatever situation you find yourself. Memorize those words so that you can recall them in times of weakness. Pray through Scripture, calling out God to fulfill his promises and beg his help to remember his truths. God's word is powerful, take hold of it and grasp it tightly!
Today has been one of those days for me. I have felt off kilter all morning and things just are not going the way I wanted them to go. I felt out of control and that has pushed me into "anger zone." This morning I was snapping at my kids, thinking really mean thoughts about the people around me, and having a nice little pity party because things were not working out the way I wanted. I felt justified in all of my feelings until I remembered that it is not up to me to keep the universe in motion.
Sometimes I need to be reminded that I am not God and that if my plans fall through, oh well. I need to be reminded that God has not tasked me with being in control of everything, he has tasked me with being filled with the Spirit and bringing glory to his name. Days like today, I need to refocus my mind on things of the Spirit so that I can be pleasing to God.
As I have shared in some of my previous posts, I am learning to seek God's Words when I am struggling and I am practicing praying through Scripture. I want to be the kind of person who prays by getting in God's face with God's word. I want to remember God's promises and cry out to him to fulfill those promises. Today I am going to share four pieces of Scripture, talk a little about how they spoke to me this morning and then share with you how I prayed through them.
Romans 8:5-"For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit."
How it spoke to me: This morning my mind was definitely set on things of the flesh-I was consumed by what I wanted and how I wanted it and getting angry when life did not follow my plan. I needed to be reminded that since I live according to the Spirit, that I need to set my mind on things of the Spirit. I also needed to be reminded that it takes a conscious effort to set my mind on the things of the Spirit.
How I prayed through it: First I confessed to God that my mind was set on things of the flesh then I asked for God's help to set my mind on things of the Spirit.
Romans 8:10-"But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness."
How it spoke to me: Sometimes I forget that since I am in Christ and Christ is in me, that I also have the Spirit in me. I depend on myself for my righteousness and forget that my righteousness is through Christ alone and that the Spirit is my life-giving force. I forget that I do not possess the ability on my own to change anything-that it is all done through the Spirit in me.
How I prayed through it: I asked God to remind me that the Spirit is already in me and that it's not up to my own power to change my attitude. Then I asked the Spirit to do that work in me and I asked for power to simply allow the Spirit to work in my soul.
Ephesians 5:18-"Do not be drunk with wine for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit."
How it spoke to me: I bet your thinking, as I did when I was first told to memorize this verse, that it is a strange and really weird verse. Why does Paul talk about being drunk and being filled with the Spirit in the same sentence? What do those two things have to do with each other? We were discussing the work of the Holy Spirit in Women's School a few weeks back and the teacher explained to us that this verse is meant to be viewed as an analogy. When you are drunk, people know it. Being drunk effects your speech, the way you walk, the way you interact with people, everything; people can tell when you are drunk. This is how it should be when we are filled with the Spirit. The Spirit should effect our speech, the way we walk, the way we interact with people, everything; people should be able to tell when you are filled with the Spirit. This applied to me today, because much like people can tell when I am drunk, people can also tell when I am filled with a spirit of anger and frustration.
How I prayed through it: I cried out to God to fill me with the Spirit and to take away my spirit of anger and frustration. I confessed that my kids can see when I am angry and frustrated and that those feelings effect the way I treat my children. I asked God to help me to demonstrate to my children what it looks like to be filled with the Spirit.
Ezekiel 36:26-27-"And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statues and be careful to obey my rules."
How it spoke to me: Again I need to be reminded that God has already done the transforming work in me and that he has already replaced my heart of stone with a heart of flesh.
How I prayed through it: I asked God to remind me that he has already put a new heart within me and that he has already filled me with the Spirit. I asked God to help me to be renewed by the fact that the work has already been done and to help me walk in that assurance.
My challenge to you is to dig into God's word and find his truths that speak to whatever situation you find yourself. Memorize those words so that you can recall them in times of weakness. Pray through Scripture, calling out God to fulfill his promises and beg his help to remember his truths. God's word is powerful, take hold of it and grasp it tightly!
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Son, Don't Be Concerned About the Opinions of Others
Dear Son,
Last week you said something that broke my heart. We were talking about what storybook character you wanted to dress up as for Read Across America day. Since we only had 2 days, I was making suggestions of characters that I could easily put together the costume from stuff we had at the house. I know how much you love the book Sir Ryan's Quest, so I made the suggestion that you could dress up as Sir Ryan.
Last week you said something that broke my heart. We were talking about what storybook character you wanted to dress up as for Read Across America day. Since we only had 2 days, I was making suggestions of characters that I could easily put together the costume from stuff we had at the house. I know how much you love the book Sir Ryan's Quest, so I made the suggestion that you could dress up as Sir Ryan.
You looked at the picture and said the words that broke my heart, "I don't want to dress like him, I will look silly." I couldn't believe it. My imaginative, funny, sweet 5 year old was worried about looking silly at school. I was so sad that you already are worrying about what others will think of you. You allowed the opinions of others to dictate your choices. That breaks my heart.
Sweet son, you are still at the age when "looking silly" is to be expected. You are at the age when you should be playing dress up and imagining all sorts of fantastic adventures. You are at the age when the opinions of others should not even register, you should just be doing what makes you happy.
As your dad and I talked about you comments later, we both talked about how we hate that you are already concerned about your image. We don't want you to define yourself by what others think of you, we want you to define yourself by Christ. We don't want fear of man to stop you from doing something awesome.
Most of all, I don't want you to grow up to be like me. When I was in middle and high school, I was so worried about what others thought of me, that I completely lost who I was. I became someone I didn't like and I stopped being me. I never want you to lose sight of who you are, my darling boy.
You are full of imagination and you have the best laugh. You are able to bring a smile to my face on my worst days. You are so compassionate and your teacher says you are the first person to be friends with the new kid in your class. You are not afraid to talk to anyone about anything. You are so intelligent and articulate, that people are often surprised you are only 5. And yes, babe, you are silly, and I love that about you. Embrace all that you are and don't let anyone take that from you.
Yes, there may be times when someone who does not possess your imagination may laugh at you, and yes, it will more than likely hurt. But when that happens, I want you to remember why you did what you did in the first place, and I bet it won't matter quite as much. When people laugh at you or say mean things, I want you to remember that those people are usually afraid of what's different and are probably sad that they didn't have the courage you do. It takes great courage to be bold and different, so stay strong.
Be silly, son. Be crazy and imaginative. Be who you are and don't let the opinions of others define you. Remember that you belong to Christ and that God made your personality especially for you. As long as you living to His glory, nothing else will matter. Sometimes the silly things bring the glimmer of joy that someone else desperately needs. Sometimes, YOU are exactly the person someone else needs.
I love you and all you are, my sweet silly boy.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Why I've Been Absent!
I haven't written in over a week and for that I apologize. Today's post is not going to be wordy or even long. I simply want to share with you why I was absent!
So as you can see I had good reason to take a leave of absence from blogging. My family had the privilege of going to Disney World to celebrate my in-laws 25th wedding anniversary. I had the awesome privilege of watching my kids experience the Happiest Place on Earth for the first time and I go to watch my husband, who literally grew up at Disney World, share one of his favorite places with his children.
I don't have any profound insights about our trip, I just know that were blessed to be able to go and that watching my kids enjoy Disney World was worth all the stress and walking and late nights/early mornings. Enjoy the pictures!!
So as you can see I had good reason to take a leave of absence from blogging. My family had the privilege of going to Disney World to celebrate my in-laws 25th wedding anniversary. I had the awesome privilege of watching my kids experience the Happiest Place on Earth for the first time and I go to watch my husband, who literally grew up at Disney World, share one of his favorite places with his children.
I don't have any profound insights about our trip, I just know that were blessed to be able to go and that watching my kids enjoy Disney World was worth all the stress and walking and late nights/early mornings. Enjoy the pictures!!
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