This weekend I told my husband something that I have never really said out loud before. I shared a secret dream that had been a part of me since fifth grade, but had not seemed like a reality. I gave voice to a big dream that will hopefully change my career path. I said the words, "I want to be a writer."
I wrote my first short story when I was in Mrs. Lamb's fifth grade class at EJ Hayes Elementary School in Williamston, NC. I don't remember what it was about, other than I think there was a castle involved, but I do remember the feeling I had when my teacher and my parents told me it was good. It was the first time I ever felt really good at something. That feeling has never really left me.
Written word has always been a strength for me. I suck at drawing, I can't even draw stick people correctly. To this day the thought of having to draw something makes me anxious. The only way I have ever been able to bring to life the pictures inside my head is to write out the description. Writing has been something that just came naturally to me and something that I had a passion for.
However, I also had another passion-to be a teacher. I loved kids, especially kids with special needs and I knew that I wanted to be a teacher. It was around my junior year of high school that I began to throw all of my energy into becoming a special education teacher. Writing became less important, although there were times when I would think back on it with longing and fondness. I was going to be a teacher and becoming a writer was just a dream, not a reality.
I want to say right now that I really did love teaching. I was a special education teacher for 8 years in 2 different states. I loved my students and my job and I was a good teacher. Had you asked, I would have even said I was happy being a teacher. I thought I was in the career from which one day I would retire.
Then my daughter was born and she stayed sick the first year and a half of her life. It quickly became evident that we needed to get her out of daycare. An opportunity arose for me to be a nanny and with that opportunity I would be able to stay home with my kids. So at the end of the 2011-2012 school year I quit my teaching job and became a stay-at-home mom/nanny.
During the first year at home I dabbled in several avenues for my creativity. I started a small business making handmade bags and girls clothing and quilts. Then I branched out to crocheting hats for babies and children. I had an etsy shop and a Facebook page and at times I would dream of that becoming my "career." But it quickly became evident that I was not offering anything unique and that, at best, I had a hobby that I could make some money off of.
Then in December of 2013 I started this blog, mainly because I felt I had something to add to the Santa debate. When I finished that first blog post, it was like someone lit a fire deep inside of me and I felt something that I had not felt in a long time. I felt more than pride, I felt like I was fulfilling my calling. Writing that blog post was my first baby step towards my dream.
Over the next couple of months I posted on my blog a couple of times a week. Most of the things I wrote got maybe 20-30 views, but that was okay with me. I was writing and I was happy. In February I wrote the blog post that would spark my next baby step. I wrote about my struggle with body image and in one day my post had over 100 views. That had never happened before and I was really excited.
A couple of days later I took another baby step and I outlined my first book based on the original body image blog post. For several weeks, my outline was just that, a simple outline of a book that I might want to write.
In March I joined Jon Acuff's 30 Days of Hustle and I committed to actually writing my first book. And I did! My first book is not going to be a game changer, but it is mine! It's really short and we will probably just publish it ourselves as an e-book, but it is the first giant step towards my goal of becoming an author.
April began a new month of 30 Days of Hustle and I committed to finishing the fiction novel that I timidly began a year ago. Through the encouragement of my hustle group and family I went from having just over 7,000 words to over 22,000 words written in a week. The more I see my vision come to life on the page, the more I realize that I want to be an author.
It is scary to admit to having a big dream like that. I might not have what it takes. It may be a dream that takes years before it actually can become my full-time job. It's a dream that requires sacrifice and dedication. When it was a dream inside my head, it wasn't so scary because no one else would know if I made it or not. Now it is a dream that I am sharing with everyone (or at least the people who will actually read this blog post) and everyone will know if I fail or if I succeed. That used to scare me, but I'm not so afraid anymore.
My passion is written word and one day I want to walk into a book store and see my books on the shelf. My name is Lisa and I am going to be an author!
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