Reconciliation is a difficult thing. In our culture, we don't really like to reconcile with others, especially when they have wronged us. Culture tells us to write those people off and just move on with life. But Christ calls us to something different, and that call is a tough one to heed.
Christ shows us in the way he lived his life that we are to love our enemies and to make things right with our brothers. We are called to forgive 70 times 7 times, even when we don't want to. Jesus, while dying on the cross, called out, "Father, forgive them." Showing someone the love of Jesus requires that we be involved in their lives and that sometimes means reconciling with someone who has hurt us in the past.
Aaron and I each have a family member whom we have been called to reconcile with. I am not going to go into the details about these situations or even name these family members because this is not the place to do so. Just suffice it to say that each of these people has hurt us, they have disappointed us and let us down, and they have done these things multiple times. However, these are people whom Aaron and I do love a great deal and whom we desire to have a relationship, in spite of past wrongs.
Aaron and I strive to make time for these people during visits, we reach out to them, and we include them in our lives. Other people do not always understand why we continue to seek relationships with these people and even other members of our family question us when we make time for these people, but we keep seeking them out. We feel that we are called by God to have relationships with these people to live out the gospel for them. Aaron and I love these people too much to see them go to hell. So we keep pursuing them and showing them the love of Jesus in the hopes that one day they will see their need for Jesus and will call out to him for salvation.
I truly believe that Christians are called to reconcile with others, because through reconciliation we are living out the gospel. We once were sinners separated from God until Jesus came to reconcile us to him. So to live out the gospel, we sometimes have to do the hard thing and reconcile with someone who has treated us poorly. I encourage you, my brothers and sisters in Christ to think long and hard about the people in your life and ask God to reveal who he would have you reconcile with. Reconciliation is hard and I am including some of the things that Aaron and I do to pursue reconciliation.
1. Make time for that person.
Aaron and I make periodic trips back home and we always try to carve out time for these two people during these trips. This means that we take time away from other members of our family, but we feel this is a sacrifice that we need to make. We try to carve out a few hours for these people during each trip to just hang out and visit. We do not shove Jesus down their throats, we just spend time together, catching up on life. By making time for these people we are showing them that they are important and that they matter.
2. Include that person in your life.
Facebook is great medium for reconciliation. Message that person periodically to let them now what is going on. Tag them in your pictures. Send them Christmas cards, invitations, etc. When you have news that you want to share with your family, make sure these people are included. This shows your desire to have them in your life.
3. Show them grace, without being naive.
This is a really tough line to walk. As followers of Christ we are called to show others the same grace we are shown by Jesus, but that does not mean that we should let these people take advantage of us or walk all over us. Aaron and I are very cautious with these people while still showing them love and grace. We are not naive about the events of the past and we walk into each encounter with our eyes open. However, we understand that we do not deserve all the grace that Christ has shown us and yet he does it anyway, in spite of all the ways we have hurt him. So we strive to show that same grace to these people.
4. Live out the gospel.
The greatest witness we can give to someone who is not ready to accept the gospel is to simply live out the gospel. This does not mean shoving Jesus down their throats or turning every conversation spiritual, it means just living life with Jesus at your center. I pray that Aaron and I are living our lives in a way that Jesus just shines through and that others see Jesus in us, even if they don't realize it's Jesus they are seeing. This also means admitting you screw up and asking for forgiveness. We are not perfect, but we do live by grace. Also be quick to forgive. Sometimes we are stingy with forgiveness, especially when a person has messed up multiple times, but God is not stingy with his forgiveness towards us, so we need to be more like him. These people are not Christians and it is foolish of us to expect them to act like Christians. We should not be surprised when they act like unbelievers and we should be among the first to step up with forgiveness and grace.
5. Have the tough conversations.
This one probably seems like a contradiction to the previous points, but it really isn't. Grace and forgiveness does not mean ignoring sin. We are called to loving confront sin and call people to repentance. Sometimes this means having difficult and uncomfortable conversations and it may sometimes mean making someone mad. However, having the tough conversations show just how much you love someone. You don't risk being uncomfortable with someone you care nothing about. When people look back on their lives they see that it was the people who got into the dirt with them and fought to pull them out that truly loved them. When the tough conversations come up, be tactful and loving and gracious, but don't shy away from them. Show that person that you love and care about them by not leaving them in their sin.
Is this all there is to reconciling? Absolutely not. If you follow these steps will you immediately be reconciled? Probably not. Our relationships with these particular people are still strained and at times awkward and neither person has called on Jesus to save them, but we keep fighting for them. I pray that one day I will be able to do a post declaring that each person has become a believer and that our relationships are repaired, but until then we will keep pursuing and loving them.
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