I have found that when we start truly seeking after Christ, we are made painfully aware of our own heart issues and areas where we don't trust God. The Spirit has really been working on me to have a better view of my body and to trust that God is truly sovereign over me, but as Christ is growing me in these areas, I am becoming more aware of other heart issues, one of those being fear and anxiety.
For most of my life I have been a worst-case scenario type person. I would envision all the horrible things that could happen and would play through in my head how I would react. Growing up I would envision my parents getting divorced or someone I love getting really sick or me getting sick. I would play out these worst-case scenarios is my head on a pretty regular basis. Unfortunately this practice has continued into my adulthood.
When my kids get sick, I immediately imagine them being deathly ill and being rushed to the children's hospital to begin life-saving treatments. When I hear a noise in the night, I immediately fear that someone is breaking in to kidnap my children. When I have a fight with my husband, I immediately fear that he is going to leave me for someone less crazy. I take a simple problem and turn it into a huge crisis.
This practice has led to me having irrational fears that sometimes effect the way I live my life. I have a constant fear that someone is going to take my children, so I avoid crowded places and when I am out with my kids it is a pretty stressful experience as I am constantly making sure they are still with me. I have a horrible fear that someone in my family is going to be seriously injured, so I freak out when they are the least bit adventurous and I avoid things like the walking bridge because I'm scared my kids will fall into the Ohio River. I have an irrational fear that my husband is going to cheat on me or leave me, even though I know that is ridiculous, and I sometimes become incredibly possessive and overly needy. So often, the logical part of my brain is fighting to gain control over my fears and assure me that all of this is irrational, but many times the "crazy" wins out and I find myself fighting a panic attack.
Just this past weekend, my husband went out to celebrate a friend's birthday. The kids and I left a few minutes after he did to go run a few errands, and we started out on the same route he had taken. As I turned off our street onto the main road I saw several flashing lights and I knew that there must have been an accident. Immediately I began repeating to myself, "it's not Aaron, it's not Aaron", because I was terrified that I would drive up on this accident and see his car. As I got closer to the accident, a huge pit formed in my stomach and I was almost physically sick. My breathing was getting shallow and I could feel my heart beginning to race. Even though the logical part of my brain knew that it was not Aaron in that accident, the crazy part of my brain just knew that I was going to drive up and see my husband dying on the concrete. This is a real struggle for me and is something that happens quite often.
I share my crazy with you, not to gain pity, but to show how tight a hold fear can have over our lives. Fear wakes me up in the middle of the night and won't stop pestering me until I get out of bed and go check on my children. Fear keeps me from fully trusting in my husband's love. Fear keeps me from experiencing life to the fullest. Fear has me prisoner and only Jesus can break me free of the chains.
As I have shared in my last two blog posts, I am beginning to really seek out Scripture in my times of struggle so that I can meditate and lean on the words of God. I am also beginning to see the importance of actually praying through Scripture. Our pastor, Daniel Montgomery of Sojourn Community Church, said something during the sermon on Sunday that really hit home with me; "Prayer is getting in God's face with God's word." When I pray, I need to be calling out to God, asking him to fulfill his word in my life. I have to stop bypassing what God has to say about fear and anxiety and worry. I hope that some of the Scripture I have found this week will speak to your heart as well.
John 16:33 "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart, I have overcome the world."
What powerful words! Jesus spoke these words to his disciples on the night that he was to be betrayed and turned over to be crucified. He was letting his disciples know what was getting ready to happen and encouraging them to be strong and take heart. He was reminding them that the story would not be over with Jesus' death on the cross, but that there was much more to come. Jesus has overcome the world and death, I need not fear.
1 Peter 5:7 "casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you."
This is something that I need to be reminded of daily-God cares for me, I am important to God, my fears matter to God. God wants me to hand over my fears and anxieties to him and allow him to comfort and care for me.
Matthew 6:34 "And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his life?"
I am not in control and there is not a single thing that I can do that will add time to the days God has already laid out for me. I need to be reminded that God is sovereign over the universe, and that Lisa has nothing to do with keeping the world in motion. My life is in the hands of God and that should give me great comfort, it is not up to me.
Psalm 27:1 "The Lord is my light and salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"
Again, my life is in the hands of a great big and powerful God. God is my light, salvation and stronghold. With God in control, I have nothing to fear.
Isaiah 43:1 "But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine."
God called me by name, he redeemed me, and I am his! This is a truth that I need to cling to do every hour of every day. I think about how much I love my children and what I would do for them; how much more does God love me and how much more will he do to protect me?
Psalm 127 "I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The Lord will keep your going out and coming in from this time forth and forevermore."
When I am overcome by irrational fear, I need to lift up my eyes to the hills. I need to be reminded that my help comes from the Lord-the one who created heaven and earth. I need to take comfort in the fact that my Lord does not sleep nor slumber and he will not let my foot be moved. The Lord is my protector and he is in control. I need not fear what is to come because all will be brought about to the glory of God.
There are so many other verses that speak to fear and anxiety. God tells us multiple times throughout Scripture to not be afraid, to cast our anxieties on him, to trust in him to be our protector, helper, comforter. My struggle with fear is not new. People have been held captive by fear since the beginning of time, and since the beginning of time God has been calling for his people to rely on him to break the chains of fear. What verses do you turn to when fear is all consuming?
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