Raising kids is hard work. One of the hardest things about raising children is dealing with discipline, especially as a Christian parent. When should we give our kids justice and when should we extend grace? This past weekend my husband and I were faced with just this dilemma.
On Saturday, my baby daddy and I decided to treat the kiddos and take them to see Frozen in the theater. We hardly ever take the kids to the movies and we wanted to do something special since our normal plans had been cancelled. I went outside where the kids were playing in the backyard and told them we were going to the movies, which of course thrilled them. On a side note, we have a rule with the kids that they are allowed to go outside without an adult as long as they stay in our backyard (which is fully fenced in).
Later on, I went outside to let the kids know it was time to go and to my dismay I could not see my kids in the backyard. In a panic I looked around the corner of our house and my heart dropped. My three year old daughter had gotten out of our yard and was digging in the dirt in front of our neighbor's house dangerously close to the road. As I began screaming at my daughter to come back to the house I see my son run around from the front yard of our neighbor's house. I was livid and in that moment I was ready to cancel our movie plans all together.
I brought the kids inside and explained why we have the outside rule that we do and just how dangerous it is to break that rule. A car could have hit Sophia or someone could have taken one of them before we even knew what was happening. I was justifiably very angry and my initial reaction was to punish my kids.
After talking with the kids about why what they did was wrong, I walked out of the room to talk with my husband about whether or not we were going to go to the movies. We talked for a few minutes and decided that we would still take the kids to the movie, but we were going to be clear about why.
I walked back into the living room and asked my son, who is the oldest would understand this lesson better, if he deserved to go to the movies. He shook his head no. I then asked him why didn't he deserve to go the movies. After a moment of thought, he responded, "because I broke the rule." Of course this was the answer I wanted from him. I wanted my son to understand that he had disobeyed and broken a rule and because of this disobedience he deserved to NOT go to the movies.
Then I told my son, that even though he and his sister had broken the rule and did not deserve to go to the movies we were going to extend grace and take them anyway. I was very clear that we were not extending them grace because we approved of what they had done, but simply because we loved them (and honestly because the hubby and I wanted to see the movie).
Later that night during our family devotions we were reading the story of Jesus and the two thieves on the cross. When we finished the story we talked about how the one thief on the cross was shown grace when Jesus told him he would be in Paradise. I asked Eli, my son, when he was shown grace that day. Eli thought for a moment and said, "when we went to the movies." I asked him if our grace meant what he had done was okay. Eli said no. We talked about how grace is not a free pass to keep doing wrong things. His dad and I still expect him and his sister to obey the rules. Grace is a gift and grace gives us the freedom to keep trying and defeat sin.
This is a lesson we all need. Grace has been extended to us from our heavenly Father. All of us are sinners who deserve punishment. None of us is good enough or holy enough to be considered righteous before God. On our best days and on our worst days we are abominations to God because of our sin. It is only because of God's grace that we are saved. We do not deserve salvation through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Jesus was perfect and he knew no sin, and yet he took on our sin and died our death on the cross so that we could be presented as righteous before God. This was God's plan from the very beginning, not because we deserve it but because God is gracious and loving. God loves us so much that he extended grace to us and made a way for us to be with him forever.
As a parent it is important to set boundaries and guidelines for our children and at times we have to discipline our children so they will hopefully learn a lesson. However, at times, it is also important to extend our children grace. I don't want my children to believe the lie that they have to perform a certain way to earn my love or to earn God's favor. They always have my love and nothing they can do can EARN God's favor. By showing them grace in our parenting we are teaching them about the ultimate gift of grace, we are showing them that the gifts they receive are because they are loved, not because they earned them. It is equally important though to ensure that our children understand that grace does excuse bad choices or give them a pass to keep making those bad choices. Obedience is to be expected and sometimes consequences are necessary. However, grace should also be extended at times, so that our kids will one day better understand the gospel.
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