"For those boys who gravitate toward playing house and dolls and dress up, wise parental control, oversight and redirection is necessary. A right understanding of masculinity by the parents is necessary. A boy should study to become wise. This is not the same as wearing a frilly apron."
I will be the first to admit that I did not actually read this book and that it may be an amazing resource for raising godly men, however, this quote really bothers me. Why is it so wrong for boys to play house or play with dolls or play dress up? How do these activities not foster masculinity? Before I continue I want to be clear that I truly believe in biblical gender roles and I want to raise my son to be a strong man of God. I believe that God created men and women to be equals, but that he also created men and women to fulfill specific roles. Aaron and I are raising our children to understand their godly roles according to Scripture, but I feel this quote takes that a little too far. While I want my son to be strong and masculine, I do not want my son to be chauvinistic or to think that there is "man's work" and "woman's work". I want my son to grow up to be the kind of man who loves, serves and provides for his wife as Christ does for the church. Today I am going to share some of the "girly" things that my son plays and why I am okay with it.
- My son plays with dolls. In addition to my 5 year old son, I also have a 3 year old daughter, and with that our house is overrun by baby dolls. My son plays has been known to play with a baby doll. My son changes the doll's clothes and diapers, he gives the doll a bottle, he feeds the doll, and he rocks the doll to sleep. You know where he learned these things? He learned them by watching his daddy care for his sister. He is simply mimicking the great example his father set for him. My son is learning how to care for his future children.
- My son wears an apron. I love to cook and especially bake. My son loves to help me in the kitchen. When he was two I bought him a little apron so that he would not get his clothes messy when he helps me cook. My son also has a play kitchen in the play room and he pretends to cook there all the time. My son is learning how to take care of himself because odds are he will have to live on his own at some point without a woman to cook for him. I want my son to be able to cook his food so that he won't starve to death or have to eat only fast food.
- My son plays "makeover" with his sister. My daughter has recently gotten into make up and especially fingernail polish. When she can't have her nails painted, she likes to pretend to have her nails painted. My son will play with her and paint her nails for her and help her with make up and help fix her hair. Where has he learned such "feminine" behavior? Well from his father. My husband paints my daughter's nails and fixes her hair and will play makeover with her. Also my son is learning how to pamper a woman. One day when my son is married, he will be comfortable pampering his wife by brushing her hair or painting her nails. My son is learning how to serve his wife and play with his future daughter.
- My son plays house. This goes back to simply mimicking his daddy. My husband irons his work shirts, he loads the dishwasher, he washes the laundry, he helps me clean the house; my husband shows his love for me by doing acts of service around our home. My son has watched his daddy and wants to be like him, so he offers to mop the kitchen floor or vacuum the carpet. He is learning to take care of a house so that he won't be completely helpless should he not get married the day he moves out of our home.
- My son plays dress up. In the case of dress up, we do make a point to only allow gender appropriate dress up clothes. My son is not allowed to wear his sister princess dresses or mommy's dress shoes. He is allowed to wear super hero costumes and daddy's ties and daddy's old clothes. My son loves to dress up as his favorite characters and I encourage it because it fosters his imagination. On a side note, my son does wear necklaces at times and they are not "boy" necklaces. My grandmother passed away two years ago and I was given a lot of her costume jewelry. My son knows which necklaces belonged to GrannyJo and sometimes he likes to wear her necklaces because he loved her very much and he misses her. We let the necklaces slide because of the sentimental factor.
I know there are many other "girly" things that my son plays, but I don't want to go on forever. The point that I am trying to make is that raising a godly man is more than the toys our kids play with. My son has a sister and that means he will at times play with "girly" things like a tea set and Barbies. My daughter also plays with "boyish" things like trains and tools because she is playing with her big brother. My son is learning about the importance of being the kind of man who will play with his daughter and help his wife around the house and be sensitive enough to be romantic. I believe that we are raising up a future great man of God who will be strong and sensitive.
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| Playing tea party with Daddy and his sister. |
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| Playing dress up on his birthday. |
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| Being all boy with his light saber. |
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| Hanging out with his sister and a teddy bear. |
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