God's Gracious Gift of Sophia Joelle

   It is hard to believe that 4 years (and about 5 hours) ago today I looked upon the face of my Pretty Girl for the first time!

My first real glimpse of our Pretty Girl

Oh my that face!

   Some of you may have read my son's birth story on his birthday two months ago, and today I want to share my sweet girl's birth story. Those of you who have read Eli's birth story know that it was a very difficult and traumatic experience for all of us. Aaron and I believed that we were done having children after Eli and that we would simply adopt from that point on. However, God, as he always does, knew better.

    In August of 2009 we  moved to Louisville, KY so my husband could begin seminary. It was a difficult transition, I did not get a job until February of 2010 and we were without health insurance for much of this time. While my husband and I took precautions, in January of 2010 we found out that I was pregnant for the second time.

    I wish I could say that I was filled with joy the day I took the pregnancy test, but I am sad to say I was not. We were struggling financially and I was terrified that Aaron would be mad. I was scared that we would not be able to provide for this new life. And mostly I was scared that I would experience another traumatic birth.

    My pregnancy with Sophia was anything but easy. Within just a few weeks of finding out I was pregnant, I began to have some spotting and was afraid I was having a miscarriage. I felt so guilty because I felt like I was being punished for not being happy about my pregnancy. 

    I am Rh-negative, which means my blood does not have the Rh antigen. My husband's blood does possess the Rh antigen so our children also have the Rh antigen. Since I am Rh-negative, there is a risk that when the baby's blood and my blood mix together, which often happens, my body will treat the baby as if I am allergic to the baby and create antibodies. In subsequent pregnancies, those antibodies can actually cross the placenta and attack the baby. To help keep this from happening I have to have a Rhogam shot halfway through each pregnancy and again after each baby is born. It also means that I have to have a Rhogam shot after any miscarriages.

    Because of my blood type, I had to go to the emergency room when I began spotting so they could give me the Rhogam shot in case I was miscarrying. That was a very long and lonely day. There was not much that could be done, so they gave me a shot, told me to follow up with a OB-GYN in a week, and sent me home. We spent the next week in limbo waiting to see if we were going to actually have another baby.

     However, God showed us tremendous grace and a week later I got to see my baby's heartbeat for the first time. I wish I could say that it was all smooth sailing from there, but it was not. I found out during labor that I had a lot of amniotic fluid, more than normal, and which had caused my belly to grow very quickly and to be quite large during my pregnancy. My stomach was so big that it was painful to walk around and I felt like my skin was tearing for many weeks. During my pregnancy I also had to be hospitalized because I caught a stomach bug and became severely dehydrated. 

    This pregnancy took quite a toll on my body and Aaron and I made the decision that I would have my tubes tied once Sophia was born. It was not a decision we came to lightly, and it was one that some may judge, but we knew it was the right decision for our family.

    The day Sophia was born was quite an eventful day. I started having contractions on Thursday night, but by Friday morning they had basically stopped. Friday morning Aaron and I went to run some errands because we were moving into our new house the next day, Saturday September 11th. I had a total of two contractions all morning Friday, so Aaron went to work as normal that afternoon. Not long after Aaron left for work I started having regular contractions and after an hour I called Aaron at work and told him he needed to come home.

     Around 7 pm Aaron and I headed to the hospital after I had a contraction that lasted over 2 minutes. We were admitted, I was given a wonderful epidural, and then we began the waiting game. At 2:30 a.m. I was told that it was time to push. However, I was only able to push one time before the doctor said "Stop!" We had lost Sophia's heartbeat because of the stress, so I had to sit up and wait. Thirty minutes later I attempted to push again, but the same thing happened. Over the next two hours, I would push once every 30 minutes and be told to stop. Finally, at 4:30 am I was able to push and twenty minutes later, at 4:51 am, our daughter was out in the world.

     While I held my daughter, the doctors struggled to remove my placenta. It was a very long and difficult process and I was told AFTER the fact that everyone was worried that I would have to be taken into the OR to have it removed. Aaron and I knew something was wrong throughout the entire delivery process, you could feel the tension among the medical staff, but no one really communicated anything to us.

    Finally, labor was completely done and all the doctors and nurses left the room. Aaron and my dad left around 6 am to go get a little sleep before friends would be at our apartment to help us move. It would be 8 pm, almost 16 hours later, before Aaron would actually get to hold his daughter for the first time. (The hospital where Sophia was born does Kangaroo Care, which means I held Sophia skin to skin for the first few hours after she was born. That meant Aaron was not allowed to hold her before he had to leave.)

    A few days later we brought home our beautiful baby girl and now here we are 4 years later.

4 years of Princess Sophia!

    It is hard to imagine our family without Sophia in it. I thought that our family was complete when our son was born, but God knew that we needed Sophia. Sophia is spunky and sassy and highly emotional. You never have to guess what Sophia is feeling because she will show you. Sophia is imaginative and creative and really intelligent. She balances out our family. She is our Pretty Girl and I would not trade her for anything in the world.

     As she gets older, she will want to know the story of her birth, and for a long time I struggled with what I would say to her. Would I tell her that she was unplanned or that I wasn't always happy about being pregnant? Over the years I realized that Sophia's birth story is not about me and it's not even about her, it is about a gracious and sovereign God who saw fit to make us the parents of such a precious girl. When she wants to know the story of her birth, I will tell her about how God is so good and how undeserving I was to be her mom, but God gave her to me as a gift anyway. I will tell her of how God protected her from her earliest moments and he is still protecting her today. I will tell her of how she makes our family whole and without her, parts of all of us would still be missing. I will tell her that she is loved, not only by us, but by her perfect Heavenly Father.

Happy Birthday to our Pretty Girl, our Sweet, Sassy, Crazy Princess Sophia!

Our Adoption Story Begins Today!

    Ten years ago when Aaron and I first started dating and talking about having a future together, we knew that adoption was going to be a part of our story.
    In late 2007, after a year of marriage, we found out that we were expecting our first child. We were so excited. My pregnancy was textbook and everything went as planned, until the day of delivery. My delivery was far from textbook and we had many complications. Eli even spent 12 hours in NICU after he was born. It was a frightening and traumatic experience, one that I really did not want to go through again. In my mind, I was done having children.
    But God knew better and in late 2009, Aaron and I found out we were expecting again. My pregnancy with Sophia was far from easy and we made the decision that after I gave birth, I would have my tubes tied. We almost lost Sophia early on in the pregnancy and my labor and delivery was very difficult. Sophia was under a lot of stress and we kept losing her heartbeat. I also experienced some complications post-delivery, and then that afternoon, my tubes were tied.
     Having my tubes tied was not a decision that Aaron and I came to lightly. We thought long and hard and prayed even longer and harder, but in the end we were at peace with our decision. As we consider both of my previous pregnancies and deliveries, we honestly believed that we would not make it through another pregnancy.
      The decision to have my tubes tied did not mean Aaron and I did not want more children, it simply meant that we did not want to be pregnant again. Over the past few years, since the birth of our daughter, we  have talked about adoption many times, but it was always something for the future. We watched as my sister and her husband adopted their first son and then later as my parents adopted my youngest sister. Our extended family was growing through adoption and we were just waiting for our time.
      Earlier this summer, Aaron told me that he was ready for another child. This confession sparked many conversations and we realized that we wanted to start really planning to adopt. Our goal is to be in a place that we can start the paperwork no later than next summer (2015). Aaron and I began doing research and making plans.
      As most people know, adoption can be an expensive endeavor and we want to begin raising the funds for that now. We need to cover the adoption fees along with preparing our house for home studies (this includes finishing the remodel in our daughter's room and purchasing at least one more twin bed) and we also need to purchase a larger vehicle as my Vibe will not be able to fit 3 kids comfortably in the backseat. Aaron and I believe that we will need about $30,000 to cover all of these costs.
      So this is where all of the people out in the world can come in! We have set up a Facebook page to share all of our fundraising endeavors. You can find the page at:  https://www.facebook.com/helpthetantsadopt. We have also set up a Go Fund Me page which can be found at: http://www.gofundme.com/ddh5wc.
      Finally we have started our first official fundraiser. We are selling boxes of hand-crafted greeting cards through Cards for a Cause. Each box costs $30 and contains 30 cards (that's only $1 a card). $13 of every box sold will go directly into our adoption fund. There are three box options, 2 all occasion boxes and 1 kids box.

     If you would like to order a box of greeting cards, you can do so through my PayPal account.

Box Choices

Box 1-Cards for All Occasions $30.00 USD Box 2-Cards for All Occasions $30.00 USD Cards for Kids $30.00 USD

I was in the paper!

Something really cool happened over the last few weeks. As many of you know I published my first novel a little over a month ago and many people back in my hometown of Williamston, NC were very excited for me. Many of those people ordered copies of my book before it was even available on Amazon. I was very flattered and grateful for all of their support. One of these people was a good friend of my mom's and after she read the book, she suggested that the local newspaper should do an article about me and my novel.

This friend, Bertie Hardison, put me in contact with someone at the newspaper, who then connected me with the lady who wrote the article, Brenda Monty. Brenda and I spent the next several days emailing back and forth. Last Friday, the article was in the paper and it is much more than I expected. Brenda sent me a copy of the article and I wanted to share it with all of you, since I'm sure most of you don't subscribe to The Enterprise & Weekly Herald in Williamston, NC.

Elias Brendan Turns 6!

Yesterday was a big day in our home as our son, our first-born, turned 6! I kept thinking all day about how quickly six years can fly by.

As the day of our son's birthday approached, I kept thinking back to that Monday morning six years ago when my husband and I headed to the hospital in Sanford, NC at 6 am so that I could be induced. It was a beautiful summer day and I was so nervous as this was my first child.

At the hospital they started the pitocin and after a couple of hours broke my water. The contractions were non-stop and very intense, so I was given an epidural to help deal with the pain. It wasn't long after the epidural was administered that I fell asleep, and I slept most of the day.

A little before 6 pm I stopped dilating and was stuck just shy of the needed 10 cm to begin pushing. My wonderful midwife came in and helped me to force my body to dilate that final half a centimeter. It was around this time that things took a bad turn.

I pushed for the next two hours and our little boy just would not cooperate. The midwife said that she saw his head many times, but that he kept retreating back down the birth canal. My husband and I had created a birth plan and we did not want to use the vacuum or the forceps for fear of complications. However after two hours of pushing I was physically exhausted and the midwife began to gently suggest the possibility of needing to use something to help get Eli out.

My husband and I drug our heels for a little while, but eventually we realized that if we wanted our son to be born soon, we would have to let our midwife use the vacuum to get him out of the birth canal. I looked into the face of the woman that I trusted with my son's life and gave permission for her to use the vacuum. It was only a couple pushes later and our beautiful baby boy emerged into the world.

It was at this time that we realized exactly what had been going on as the room of medical professionals became very serious. The umbilical cord had a knot in it and it had been wrapped around our son's neck, plus there was meconium present, so there was a worry that some may have entered into his lungs. I saw the top of my son's head as they quickly whisked him out of the labor and delivery room and down the hall to the NICU.

While my midwife stitched me up, she talked with us about all that was happening. She explained that the reason our son kept retreating down the birth canal was because he was choking. Had we waited much longer to use the vacuum, our story may not have ended so well. The midwife called him our miracle baby many times over the next few hours as she cared for me and even prayed with my family.

It was another two hours before I would actually see and touch my son as he lay under an oxygen helmet, which my father-in-law nicknamed the Storm Trooper Helmet, in the NICU.

Daddy Keeping Watch

Daddy and Eli together for the first time

Momma's first time seeing Eli

Sweet Eli

 That night was one of the most beautiful and terrifying nights of my life. I was so amazed that my body was capable of creating such a perfect and beautiful life. I was also terrified as I thought of how close we came to losing this precious boy.
It would be twelve hours before my husband and I would actually be allowed to hold our son in our arms. I found it very difficult over the next few days to put my son down.
Every year as I watch my healthy boy grow bigger and stronger and I can't help but think back to the day of his birth when his fragile existence almost ended. I am thankful every day for my son and that he has had no repercussions from his birth experience.
Our God is great and good and that has never been more evident to me than on July 21st, 2008 when my son Elias Brendan Tant was born!

My First Novel is DONE!

This post is going to be quick and dirty. About two years ago I began writing my first novel. I let fear get the best of me and quit writing at one point, but this year I finally made the decision that I was going to write my novel and self-publish it.

Pursuant Love is a Christian fiction story about a girl named Maggie. It follows Maggie through many years and it is her salvation story. I am proud of this work and I hope that someone will read it and realize just how much God loves her.

My book is currently available on Nook and Kindle.

I am also working on publishing physical copies that are available for pre-order right here on the blog. You can even choose to have your copy autographed by yours truly!

Autographed Copy

Yes $10.99 USD No $9.99 USD

This is a big moment for me and I want to share it with all of you. This also explains where I have been for the past couple of months.

If you do read my book, will you consider leaving a review on the site you purchased it from?

Happy Birthday Baby!

   Bare with me because today is going to be a sappy post. You see today is a special day at our house. Today we celebrate the birth of my hubby, Aaron.

    I love this man with all that is in me. He is my best friend, my biggest encourager, the one who keeps me warm on cold nights, the one who can always make me laugh, and the most amazing husband and father a girl could ask for. I love when May 28th rolls around each year because I get to celebrate the day this man first entered the world!

Wasn't he the cutest!!

     There is this song by Steven Curtis Chapman titled "11-6-64" that I always think of on Aaron's birthday.




   I am 9 months older than Aaron and I like to think that on May 28, 1983, even though I was only 9 months old, that my coos were sweeter and that I smiled more and was generally happier because my other half was born.
  Aaron doesn't generally get excited about birthdays, but I always do. My mom made a big deal out of birthdays every year, heck she still does, and I get it from her. I love shopping for the perfect gift and I get so excited that I can hardly wait for the actual day to come around. This year the kids are just as excited as I am about Aaron's birthday. They helped me pick out his birthday present and have done such a great job of keeping it secret. My son has been counting down to Aaron's birthday for over a week and telling his dad everyday how many days are left. This morning, both kids were sad because daddy had already left for work, so we called him just so they could tell him "Happy Birthday." My son must think today is a national holiday because he keeps asking to stay home from school. Needless to say, we are all very excited to celebrate the birth of the most important man in our lives.
   I have had the amazing privilege of celebrating 9 birthdays with this man. It has been amazing to watch him grow and mature. When we first met, we were both fairly young and definitely had no idea what it really meant to be grown ups. I have watched him grow into his role as a husband and a father. He is the kind of dad who will pause whatever he is watching to look at his son's latest Lego creation or read a princess book to his daughter. He is the kind of dad who teaches his kids about the important things in life: Star Wars, Bon Jovi, and Legos. He is the kind of husband who always finds a way to touch me when he passes by me or will watch an incredibly sappy movie simply because it will make me happy. He is the kind of husband who listens to my latest story idea, even though he has no interest in Christian fiction, and who is going to make a 6 hour drive this summer to take me to Turner Field for a Braves game because I have always wanted to go. Aaron is steady and sensitive and a clown and I love him very much!
  Happy Birthday to my favorite person, my best friend, my lover, and my other half. I am so thankful that you were born!!

A Dream Becomes Reality

  When I was young I used to dream of becoming a published author. It was a secret dream, one that I did not share with anyone really. I honestly did not believe that this dream would ever come true. It was simply a fun dream that I kept deep in my heart.
  Until Jon Acuff wrote a book about following your dreams and started an online community of other dreamers where we could hustle together on our dreams and offer each other support and encouragement. I joined the group still not wanting to give voice to my real dream. At first, I simply worked on my blog and pretended that being a blogger was my dream. I was fooling myself.
   Finally at the end of February I decided that I was going to write a book. So I spent a few weeks planning, researching and writing my book. It didn't take long before I had my first draft completed. My book was not long, but it said all I wanted it to say. I found people to edit the book, I gave copies to friends and family to read, and then it sat in a folder on my computer's desktop for over a month.
   Then last week my husband and I attended a seminar about how to self-publish your book. After the seminar I did some research online and found the medium I wanted to use to self-publish. I spent the next week re-reading, re-editing, and formatting my book. Then on Friday I finally submitted my book for publishing. On Saturday morning, I awoke to a wonderful email telling that my book was now live and available in the Kindle store.

  I am officially a published author! My dream is now a reality! While I know that my book is not going to be a New York  Bestseller, but I am proud of it. Now that my first book is published, I have the motivation to keep writing. In fact, I am currently working on my first novel!
  I hope that you will take time to check out my book (it's only $0.99) and if you do check it out, please leave a review and let me know what you think!

 

Today I Hate My Body by Lisa Tant