I have always struggled with prayer. I could say really good sounding prayers out loud that were full of pretty words and emotion, but I struggled with actually believing my prayers. I had the false impression that when I did not get what I prayed for that God just didn't hear or answer me. I believed I had many unanswered prayers.
As I got older, I began to realize that God always answers our prayers, he just sometimes says "no" or "wait." Unfortunately, this did not have a good impact on my prayer life. I actually began to "censor" my prayers, praying only for the things I knew I would get, when I prayed at all. I was also the person who would cry out to God when things were really tough, and then blame myself and my lack of faith when I didn't get my way. God was not going to answer the prayers of someone who barely spoke to him.
Another problem I had with prayer, was I feared what God would ask of me. I would not pray for things like patience or discipline, because that would require some change on my part, and I was comfortable where I was. There were also parts of my life, sin issues, that I was not willing to give up, so I just avoided those topics all together. I knew that God knew all my secret sins, but I was in denial about any need for me to actual confess and turn from those sins.
My struggles with prayer were private struggles that I liked to keep in the dark. People could not know that I struggled with prayer because then they may begin to look deeper into my life to try and root out all those hidden issues. I did not want to be vulnerable, with God or anyone else.
Over the past few months God has been growing me in real, and at times painful, ways. I am spending time with God in his Word more consistently, I am seeing everything through the lens of Christ, and I am allowing Christ to permeate every aspect of my life. I think the most dramatic change however, has been in my prayer life. About 3 months ago, I began keeping a prayer journal that I have actually almost filled up. I am making it point to write in my prayer journal anytime I sit down to spend time in God's Word. I still struggle with doubt at times, but I trust in Jesus so much more than I did before.
Through Women's School, I am disciplining a young woman. This past week when we met, we actually talked about prayer and ways to be more disciplined in our prayer life. I shared with her some of the strategies I have developed over the past few months and I realize that what works for me might help someone else. So here are the things that I am doing to not have such a sucky prayer life.
1. Find what works for you.
Do you need to pray out loud? Cool, find a place where you can sit alone with God and have a conversation. Do you need reminders throughout the day? Ok, set alarms on your phone or put little dots everywhere as your call to pray. Do you need to write down your prayers? Fabulous, you are like me, go buy a journal and start writing. I am an easily distracted person and if I don't have something right in front of me, I tend to get off track and before long I am thinking about why do bunnies have long ears and eat carrots. Through years of studying, I know that I work best if I am writing things down, so experience will dictate that I need to be writing my prayers if I want to give my best to God. Some people write out their actual conversation with God, and that is cool. For me, I like bullet points. I just jot down all that I want to give to God that day. I like bullet points because it is easy for me to pick out specific prayers when I look back through my journal. So my point? Think about your personality and how you are the most effective and use that knowledge to find what works for you. God made you specifically how you are and he is cool with however you come to him, he just wants to have a conversation with you.
2. Find specific times when God has answered your prayers.
As I stated earlier, I really struggled with believing that God heard and answered my prayers. When I started my prayer journal, I made it a point to look back through my journal every couple of days and point out answered prayers. I needed the gratification and reassurance that God was listening and that God cared about my prayers. As my trust and faith has grown, I do not need to look back as often, but it is still good for me to recount the prayers God has faithfully answered. I will need that reassurance when the trials come or when I am worried about the future. Looking back at God's past faithfulness gives us confidence that God will be faithful in the future.
3. Be thankful even when you don't get the answer you want.
Another tough one for me. I like to have things a certain way and I believed for a long time that if I didn't get what I wanted that God just didn't answer my prayers. I needed to change my way of thinking and discipline myself to accept whatever answer God gave me. So, I make a point when I am looking back over my prayers to look for all the answers God has given me, not just the ones I like. It is hard to be told no or to be told to wait, but for me, knowing that God is always answering my prayers helps me to keep praying. I need to be reminded that God is my Father and as all good fathers, he is not always going to give me everything I want. I need to acknowledge all of God's answers and thank Him for his goodness and remind myself that he knows what is best for me.
4. Don't give up.
Shame and guilt are nasty little buggers. They creep in when we are at our most vulnerable and they tell us that we are worthless losers who should not even get out of bed in the morning. Growth and change take time, discipline and mistakes. We are not going to go from having a sucky prayer life to having a phenomenal prayer life overnight, or even over months. It takes time. I think back to all the prayer journals I started over the years, that I just stopped after a couple of weeks. I would write faithfully in them for a couple of days and then sporadically for a few more days and then I would just stop, never to pick up that journal again. I believed the lie that I had to get it all right, right away. But it is just that, a lie! You are not perfect and you are being daily sanctified by Jesus, so let him work in your life. Keep going back to God in prayer, even if you missed a couple of days. Something that I have to be reminded of is that I live by grace, and when I fail God's grace covers me and gives me the courage and strength to keep trying. Don't beat yourself up if you don't pray everyday at first, just thank God for his grace and start again.
5. Be Honest.
This has probably been the hardest thing for me to do in my prayer life. I don't like change, it is hard and uncomfortable and it hurts. But as I grow closer to the Lord, I am made more aware of my sin and my utter and complete dependence on Jesus. Growing in Christ means you can no longer ignore all those secret sins that you have hidden away. Jesus is the light and light always illuminates the darkness, revealing what was not seen before. Lately, I have been writing down the ugly, dirty prayers; the prayers that I really would not want anyone else to see, and you know what, it is not easy. Sin is a tough thing to face, but it is something that we all have and God already knows what those sins are. To have real conversation with God, you have to be real, and that means sometimes talking about the dirty stuff.
Being honest, is not just about sin though. Sometimes, we don't like what God is doing, and you know what, you can tell him that. God can handle whatever we throw at him, even when we want to tell God that whatever he is doing really sucks at the moment. Dr. Greg Allison said during Women's School that prayer is simply stepping into a family conversation. God is your Father and he wants you to tell him how you are really feeling. You don't have to sugarcoat things with God, he already knows, so tell him. Be honest with God!
Are any of these strategies new? Probably not, in fact you may have already heard them somewhere else, but maybe they are still what you needed to hear today. Hopefully, seeing how God is growing me through my personal struggles will help you to begin your own prayer journey. Our God is good and faithful and gracious-he wants to have real conversations with you, so just start talking.
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