In case you missed it, you can read part one here.
After reading about all the detrimental lessons that Disney princesses are teaching our daughters, you may be wondering how can I counter that? Is there any way to redeem the Disney princesses or should I just get rid of all the Disney movies in my house? I believe that there are lessons we can be instilling in our daughters that will give them a firm foundation to stand on when faced with the lessons in the Disney princess movies. Before I get into the lessons we should be teaching our daughters, I want to touch on a couple of things.
First, we should actually watch the movies with our daughters every once in a while. I am not saying that we have to sit down and watch Beauty and the Beast 15 times a week, which at my house sometimes happens. Sometimes you need to be able to put a movie in so you can have time to take a shower or clean the kitchen or get some other work done around the house; or maybe you just don't want to watch Cinderella three straight times in a row, I totally get that. I'm just saying, we need to make sure that our daughters aren't watching the movies alone every time. Watch the movies with your daughter and engage with your daughter during the movie. Talk to her about she is seeing and ask her what she thinks about what she is seeing. You may be surprised at her answers. Also, interject comments about how that may be okay behavior for Ariel, but it is not okay behavior for your little princess. Turn these viewings into teaching moments.
The other thing I want to make clear, is that these are not lessons we can just share once and move on. We can't just tell our daughters all of these things right before or right after she watches a movie and expect it to stick. These are lessons that we should be instilling in her life on a daily basis. We should be talking about these things at the dinner table, while driving in the car, during family devotions, etc. These are things our daughters should hear repeatedly throughout the day, not just once or twice a week. Our daughters will not believe us, unless we repeat ourselves, a lot. Also, our daughters need to see us living out these lessons, not just telling them to her. She needs us, her parents, to set an example for how she should be.
1. Daughter, your identity is in Christ, first and foremost.
Figured I would get the Jesus Juke out of the way right away. If our daughters do not learn that her identity is in Christ, she will spend much of her life trying to find her identity in other things. As a daughter who sought to identify myself in empty, non-eternal things, this one matters most to me. I want my daughter to understand that nothing else in the world will give her true value and worth, only when she identifies herself in Christ will she be whole.
2. Life is more than finding a guy.
Our daughters should have many dreams, not just about finding a husband. We should ask our daughters about her dreams, encourage her dreams, remind her that her dreams are important. The right guy will be just as excited about her dreams as she is and will help her follow those dreams. Mr. Right will compliment her dreams, not complete them. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with our daughters dreaming about finding a husband, but if that is her only dream, we will end up with a boy obsessed young girl who is completely consumed about not being single. We need to teach our daughters to be okay in her singleness and pursue other dreams while she waits on God's timing for marriage.
3. You are beautiful and smart and funny and a million other things.
I think that is very important for girls to be told they are beautiful, but that should not be the only thing we praise our daughters for. Girls need to hear, especially from their daddys, that they are beautiful so that they will feel beautiful, but they should also be told they are smart and funny and full of spunk and kind. We have to teach our daughters that her beauty is more than just about her appearance, her whole person makes her beautiful.
4. There is no one standard of beauty.
This is something that needs to be instilled in our daughters early on and every single day. Our daughters are bombarded by a cultural standard of beauty that is impossible to attain. We need to be teaching our daughters that there is no one standard of beauty and they are beautiful just as they are.
5. Love is not instant and it is not all gumdrops and rainbows.
Love takes time. You do not fall in real love with someone when your eyes meet across a crowded room. Your interest might be piqued, and you may feel serious attraction to a person in a first meeting, but real, true love takes time. It requires getting to know a person for who they really are and being vulnerable to let him get to know you. Love is a daily choice, not a flighty emotion. I wake up every day and decide to love my husband, and some days that choice is easier than others. Love requires hard work and a serious commitment and sometimes love is not pleasant.
6. Love does not mean "happily ever after."
This point goes hand-in-hand with the previous point. Just because you are in love with someone does not mean that you will live happily ever after. Our daughters need to be told that the man she loves will disappoint her and he will let her down, and she will do the same to him. There will be times, in love, when our daughters will feel like giving up, and that is where our example as parents comes into play. Our daughters need to see that her parents struggle and get frustrated, but she also needs to see her parents work it out and make the effort. Our daughters will form her view of what love is really like by first watching us, the parents.
7. Drama is not an appropriate response.
Our daughters need to be taught how to handle disappointment from an early age. Our daughters need to hear us say no and then we need to teach them how to respond appropriately to that no. My 3 year old daughter does not like being told no, and she often times will throw quite the fit when she does not get the answer she wants. When my little princess goes into drama mode, she is sent to her room until she can respond appropriately. Once she has calmed down, she can come out and we can talk. I tell her very clearly when I send her to her room that this behavior is not okay and it will not be tolerated. Our daughters need to learn early that life is not about getting everything we want and sometimes life is not fair. Throwing yourself down on the floor and sobbing will get you nothing in life.
8. God did not create you to be a helpless damsel in distress.
I am a strong supporter of gender roles, which is another topic for another time, however, I do not believe that this means our daughters should not know how to take care of themselves. I believe that girls should know how to change a flat tire, swing a hammer, and unclog a toilet. There is no guarantee that a man will always be around to "rescue" our daughters. Our daughters need to be told that they are smart and strong and capable of "rescuing" themselves.
9. Obsession is not romantic.
So often, love in the movies is portrayed with one or both of the people involved being completely obsessed with the other. Take Ariel for example, she is so obsessed with Prince Eric that she is willing to give up her family and possibly her life for the chance to be with him. Prince Eric is so obsessed with the mystery girl who saved him, that he is oblivious to the fact she is standing in front of him. Our daughters need to be taught that being obsessed with a guy does show her passion and true devotion to him, it shows she is a stalker. Romance is not stifling, obsession is. Obsession leads to distrust, loneliness, and a whole lot of drama. Teach your daughter the difference between obsession and romance.
10. Fairy tales are just that, tales.
Our daughters need to be able to distinguish between reality and fantasy. Fairy tales are fantasy and they do not exist in the real world. Yes, there are beautiful loves stories out there, but even the most wonderful couples have gone through tough times, and if they say it was all rainbows and roses, they are lying. Our daughters need to realize that Prince Charming is not perfect and that life doesn't work out like in the fairy tales. Once again, our example will speak volumes. We shouldn't shelter our daughters from real life, let them see the struggles and the mess and let them see how to handle it. Don't lie to our daughters and make them think life is a fairy tale.
We do not need to shelter our daughters from all the horrible lessons out there, we simply need to build a strong foundation for them to stand on so they will not be easily swayed.
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