I'm Cool When My Son Plays With Dolls

   A couple of years ago I saw a quote from the book "Future Men: Raising Boys to Fight Giants" by Doug Wilson and honestly it really irked me. Here is the quote:

           "For those boys who gravitate toward playing house and dolls and dress up, wise parental control,                oversight and redirection is necessary. A right understanding of masculinity by the parents is                           necessary. A boy should study to become wise. This is not the same as wearing a frilly apron." 

    I will be the first to admit that I did not actually read this book and that it may be an amazing resource for raising godly men, however, this quote really bothers me. Why is it so wrong for boys to play house or play with dolls or play dress up? How do these activities not foster masculinity? Before I continue I want to be clear that I truly believe in biblical gender roles and I want to raise my son to be a strong man of God. I believe that God created men and women to be equals, but that he also created men and women to fulfill specific roles. Aaron and I are raising our children to understand their godly roles according to Scripture, but I feel this quote takes that a little too far. While I want my son to be strong and masculine, I do not want my son to be chauvinistic or to think that there is "man's work" and "woman's work". I want my son to grow up to be the kind of man who loves, serves and provides for his wife as Christ does for the church. Today I am going to share some of the "girly" things that my son plays and why I am okay with it.

- My son plays with dolls.  In addition to my 5 year old son, I also have a 3 year old daughter, and with that our house is overrun by baby dolls. My son plays has been known to play with a baby doll. My son changes the doll's clothes and diapers, he gives the doll a bottle, he feeds the doll, and he rocks the doll to sleep. You know where he learned these things? He learned them by watching his daddy care for his sister. He is simply mimicking the great example his father set for him. My son is learning how to care for his future children.

- My son wears an apron. I love to cook and especially bake. My son loves to help me in the kitchen. When he was two I bought him a little apron so that he would not get his clothes messy when he helps me cook. My son also has a play kitchen in the play room and he pretends to cook there all the time. My son is learning how to take care of himself because odds are he will have to live on his own at some point without a woman to cook for him. I want my son to be able to cook his food so that he won't starve to death or have to eat only fast food.

- My son plays "makeover" with his sister. My daughter has recently gotten into make up and especially fingernail polish. When she can't have her nails painted, she likes to pretend to have her nails painted. My son will play with her and paint her nails for her and help her with make up and help fix her hair. Where has he learned such "feminine" behavior? Well from his father. My husband paints my daughter's nails and fixes her hair and will play makeover with her. Also my son is learning how to pamper a woman. One day when my son is married, he will be comfortable pampering his wife by brushing her hair or painting her nails. My son is learning how to serve his wife and play with his future daughter.

- My son plays house. This goes back to simply mimicking his daddy. My husband irons his work shirts, he loads the dishwasher, he washes the laundry, he helps me clean the house; my husband shows his love for me by doing acts of service around our home. My son has watched his daddy and wants to be like him, so he offers to mop the kitchen floor or vacuum the carpet. He is learning to take care of a house so that he won't be completely helpless should he not get married the day he moves out of our home.

- My son plays dress up. In the case of dress up, we do make a point to only allow gender appropriate dress up clothes. My son is not allowed to wear his sister princess dresses or mommy's dress shoes. He is allowed to wear super hero costumes and daddy's ties and daddy's old clothes. My son loves to dress up as his favorite characters and I encourage it because it fosters his imagination. On a side note, my son does wear necklaces at times and they are not "boy" necklaces. My grandmother passed away two years ago and I was given a lot of her costume jewelry. My son knows which necklaces belonged to GrannyJo and sometimes he likes to wear her necklaces because he loved her very much and he misses her. We let the necklaces slide because of the sentimental factor.

   I know there are many other "girly" things that my son plays, but I don't want to go on forever. The point that I am trying to make is that raising a godly man is more than the toys our kids play with. My son has a sister and that means he will at times play with "girly" things like a tea set and Barbies. My daughter also plays with "boyish" things like trains and tools because she is playing with her big brother. My son is learning about the importance of being the kind of man who will play with his daughter and help his wife around the house and be sensitive enough to be romantic. I believe that we are raising up a future great man of God who will be strong and sensitive.

Playing tea party with Daddy and his sister.

Playing dress up on his birthday.

  

Being all boy with his light saber.

Hanging out with his sister and a teddy bear.

I Am Not Girly, But I Am Still a Woman

   I am not a girly girl; never have been. My mom says that even as a baby I detested wearing dresses. I have always been most comfortable in jeans and a T-shirt. Most of my friends growing up were guys and I would much rather have been playing softball or wrestling than playing with dolls. Even now, I don't like to wear make-up or fix my hair. I have no idea how to accessorize and I don't even carry a purse. I am just not a girly girl.
   However, just because I am not girly, that does not make me any less of a woman. People don't look at me on the street and think, "hey is that a dude?" Just because I prefer jeans to a skirt doesn't make me unwomanly. Just because I prefer a ponytail to spending 10-20 minutes blow drying and doing my hair doesn't mean I am not feminine. Just because I keep my stuff in my pockets instead of a purse doesn't make any less of a woman.
    I believe that I have a pretty good grasp on what it takes to be a woman of God. I have studied the Proverbs 31 Woman and the Titus 2 Woman and I think that I have pretty good grasp on my role as a woman. This is not to say that I don't have room for growth or that I don't fail at times, but still I think that I am doing a pretty good job. And something I have noticed as I studied being a godly woman is that nowhere does it say I have to be girly to be a godly woman. There is no requirement to wear dresses or make-up or always have nicely done hair. Being a godly woman has more to do with the heart, than the appearance.
    With that being said, I feel that I am quite womanly and feminine even though I am not girly. No my favorite color is not pink (in fact I kind of hate pink) and I don't wear high heels and skirts all the time, but I am still very feminine. I even asked my mother and my husband for characteristics of mine that speak to my femininity and I compiled this list:
     - I work from home so that I can be with our children more. When the opportunity became available for me to work as a nanny in my home and thus get my children out of daycare, I took it because I know the importance of being with my children.
     - I can cook and bake and I actually enjoy it. 
     - I practice hospitality-I love playing hostess and having people over to our house.
     - I do actually like some girly stuff like romantic movies, flowers, and getting dressed up to go out on a date with my sweet hubby. I just also like sports, action movies, classic cars and the like. I I'm actually well rounded, when you think about it.
     - Not to get gross, but I know how to allure my husband, just ask him.
     - I have long hair. I know this sounds weird, but when you think of someone being feminine you normally picture long hair, which I have.
     - My husband says that I am gentle and compassionate.
   This post may seem out of left field, but it is something that has been on my mind a lot lately. I know a lot of woman who dress well and always have their hair done and know how to accessorize and sometimes I compare myself to them and feel inadequate. On the rare occasion that I do put forth an effort and fix my hair and make-up and attempt to accessorize, I actually end up feeling uncomfortable. I just don't think that God made me to be girly. The older I get, the more comfortable I become with who I am. I am a little bit of a tomboy, I am low maintenance, and I am not girly. I am feminine and womanly even in my jeans, T-shirts, and ponytail.

Getting Real About the Mess of Life

   Today I am doing a "let's be real" post. The purpose of this post is not to vent about my horrible life or make people pity me and my poor life. The purpose of this post is to be real with people who read my blog and to be honest about how life is not always easy, even for a Christian.
    I know there are some who believe that once you become a Christian life is supposed to be all rainbows, unicorns, and gumdrops and that all trials are faced with joy and thanksgiving and deep prayer.  Good Christians do not battle depression or anxiety or feelings of bitterness because they are now filled with the love of Jesus and this magically makes all the bad things go away. And the Christians that do deal with this evil things obviously don't read their Bible enough or prayer enough or do enough good works or whatever. I hope this post will show you what bullcrap that way of thinking is.
    I am one of those people who struggles with depression and anxiety and feelings of bitterness and resentment. I am not always an emotionally stable individual. I have a nasty habit of bottling up my feelings and making myself feel guilty for feeling certain feelings and holding on to bad experiences. This past weekend was one of those times.
    There is not a specific incident that I can point to and say that was the moment when everything went haywire, but I do know it was sometime on Friday. Something happened on Friday and I felt myself turning into an emotional yo-yo, one minute I was happy and the next I was depressed or angry or just fed up with life. My attitude stunk big time and I couldn't seem to pull myself out of my funk. Saturday was another emotional yo-yo day. There were moments of ecstasy and moments of deep depression. By the time Sunday morning came around there wasn't much bouncing up, I was low and nothing could make me feel better. I was angry and bitter at my husband, at my kids, at my friends, at the world.
    We attend a large church in Louisville and one of the ways that we experience community is through Community Groups (CG), which are small groups of people that meet in various homes throughout the city during the week. These are the people that you do life with outside of the large gatherings at the church building on Sunday morning. Our CG meets at our home every other Sunday night, and last night was our week to have CG. When I got home from church I began to honestly dread everyone coming over. I had to clean the house and then I had to pretend to be happy when everyone came over. I just was not looking forward to CG, which is not normal for me.
     I could feel myself becoming more emotional at CG was going on and I was doing everything I could to simply hold it together so I would start crying in front of everyone. It came time for accountability, when the men and women split off into two groups so we can talk with each other more intimately, and when my turn came to share, I just started crying and I couldn't stop. I mean I was an emotional basket case. Everything I had been feeling over the last couple of days just bubbled over and I blubbered all over the ladies in my group.
     I talked about how I am struggling with adjusting to our new schedule since my husband started his new job a couple of weeks ago. I am lonely because I feel like I don't see my husband. My son has had a poor attitude and doesn't want to go to school or do his homework or be nice. My daughter is very emotional and has a diva complex that makes rationalizing with her and even disciplining her a real struggle. My job is not always easy. I am a little resentful of how handsome my husband is and how he can just start a new intense workout routine like its nothing. I feel unworthy of my husband because I am overweight. I feel myself falling into a cycle where I hate my body, but I hate to workout in the gym because other people can see me and how out of shape I am, so I don't go to the gym. I feel pulled in a thousand directions and I just can't keep up.
    At one point during my blubbering, I was asked by one of the ladies in my CG about how my walk with the Lord had been during the week, was I praying and in the word? I told her I was in the word everyday and praying everyday. My bought with depression was not because of a lack of spiritual discipline. Very often, that is our advice when someone is struggling. Oh your dealing with depression, well you just need to memorize Scripture and start a pray journal and have you tried fasting? Sometimes, even the most spiritually disciplined Christians struggle with depression or anxiety or a number of other things, and it's not because they stopped reading God's Word or praying or worshipping, it's because life is hard sometimes.
   I wish I could tell you that I am magically better this morning and that I am feeling such peace that all my troubles have melted away, but that is not true. I do feel a little better because I shared my struggles with the people in my life, my family, and I know that they are going to be lifting me up in prayer and checking in on me and that they are not going to leave me in my depression. Just knowing that I have people who love me does help. I wish I could tell you that I found the perfect formula of prayer or the right Bible verse to recite when things get hard or the exact worship song that I can play to speak into my situation, but that just isn't the case. Right now, I am trying to pry my hands open so that I can release my burdens to my heavenly Father and I am trying to lean on the power of Jesus and I am reminding myself that I have the power of the Holy Spirit giving me the strength and courage to carry on, but it isn't easy. I still struggle with the sin of making myself God. I think that I have to handle all life's problems on my own and that things are much better if I am in control. My sin is real and present, even though I have a strong walk with the Lord.
   Why am I telling you all this? I realized this morning that in a way I have been lying to those of you who read my blog on a daily basis. I think that I may have painted a rainbows, unicorns, and gumdrops picture of my spiritual life. I fear that I may be presenting my struggles in a way that minimizes them and makes it seem like I just give it all over to the Lord and walk off in peace and joy. My worry is that I am giving you the "Jesus" answer to everything without being real about life. Life is messy and hard and painful and sometimes there is no perfect "Jesus" answer that will make it all better.
    I hope that maybe you are a little encouraged this morning and I really hope that I have not scared you off from entering into a relationship with Jesus. While being in a relationship with Jesus does not always mean life will be easy, it is always worth it. I know that I have a God who understands my feelings of loneliness and depression and anxiety and that I have a God who loves me and is working to sanctify me daily. I know that there is coming a day when I will no longer battle depression or anxiety or bitterness or resentment and I can look forward to that hope, even when I am in the pits. This world is broken and that brokenness means that good, Jesus-loving people sometimes suffer, but I know that this world is not my home and one day I will be in the presence of Jesus and this world will fade away. Life is hard, but God is good and he will sustain me.

How Being a Jerk Taught Me About the Love of God

      Last week I had one of those epic, monumental, big-time mommy fail moments. I was trying to get my two kids ready to go have lunch with their daddy at work. It was the typical stress of trying to get a 5 year old and 3 year old to do anything faster than the pace of a snail. I asked my son, the 5 year old, to please get dressed and brush his teeth. He proceeded to cry and cry and cry. He cried and wailed for at least 15 minutes, and around minute 5 I lost it. I yelled at  him, I spoke to him in a less than loving way, I showed my frustration in my body language, tone, etc. Of course, my reaction only made things worse.
    Finally we get in the car and about 5 minutes into the 20 minute drive, my son finally stopped crying. When we got to Daddy's Work I realized that my son was actually sleeping, which never happens. As I was getting him out of the car I did apologize to him and told him that the way I acted was in no way okay and that no matter what he does, mommy should never treat him that way. I asked my son to forgive me and with a hug he did. I told him I loved him very much and he replied in kind. We then went in to have lunch with Daddy.
    As we were sitting at lunch, my son refused all food, choosing only to drink. Then my husband and I noticed that our son looked a little pale. Then my son fell asleep in the car again on the way home. This was my final indication that something was not right. When we got home, I laid my son down on the couch and took his temperature and discovered that he was running a fever. We later found out that he had a virus and an ear infection; he was really sick.
    Earlier my son was feeling ill and he couldn't find the words to tell me that, so he cried. He cried and I yelled. I was not paying attention to what my son was really trying to tell me. I was interpreting what I wanted and I responded in kind. My son was not trying to be difficult, he was trying to communicate, "hey mom, I'm sick."
   I felt like the worst mom in the whole world all day. How could I be so oblivious to not see what was really going on? How could I be so horrible to my sweet baby? Why do I so often over react to situations? Why I am still allowing sin to take control of my life?
    As I have thought back on that whole situation this last week, I am able to see a reflection of the gospel. So often I treat God like I treated my son. I don't like how God is handling a situation and instead of listening to what God is trying to communicate, I get mad and yell and scream and treat God like dirt. I give God the silent treatment and a ton of attitude because he is not doing things the way I think they should be done. I don't want to hear what God has to say. Sometimes, a lot of times, I treat God likes he is an annoying
kid instead of the creator of the universe. Sometimes I act like a complete and total jerk to God.
    But thankfully God does not mirror my emotions and responses back to me, he instead shows me everlasting love and forgiveness, much like my son. Later that evening as my son's fever was going higher and higher, all he wanted was to cuddle with me. My son no longer cared about how awful I was to him that morning. He had forgiven me and was not holding my earlier behavior against me. All he cared about was that I was his mommy and that I love him. My son showed me true grace and love and forgiveness, and he didn't even have to try, it came naturally to him.
    I know that part of this is because my son knows just how much I love him, and I do love him very much. But more than that, my son is beginning to understand the love of God, which gives him the capacity to love others in return. God created us to be loving people in relationship with others. God created relationships to show us examples of the kind of intimacy he wants with us, his children. My heavenly Father is quick to forgive me when I seek forgiveness, not because I deserve it, but because he loves me and I am precious to him. I am eternally thankful that God shows me grace when I am a jerk.
    I am thankful that I have such loving, wonderful children who are quick to forgive. I am thankful that my heavenly Father continues to sanctify me through my experiences. I am thankful to be in a personal relationship with God and that I am able to experience his grace, love, and forgiveness every day. I am thankful that God does not leave me in my sin, but convicts me and gives me power through the Holy Spirit to repent of those sins. I am thankful to have another day to try and be more like Christ.

Part Two: How to Respond to the Lessons of Disney Princesses

   In case you missed it, you can read part one here.

   After reading about all the detrimental lessons that Disney princesses are teaching our daughters, you may be wondering how can I counter that? Is there any way to redeem the Disney princesses or should I just get rid of all the Disney movies in my house? I believe that there are lessons we can be instilling in our daughters that will give them a firm foundation to stand on when faced with the lessons in the Disney princess movies. Before I get into the lessons we should be teaching our daughters, I want to touch on a couple of things.
    First, we should actually watch the movies with our daughters every once in a while. I am not saying that we have to sit down and watch Beauty and the Beast 15 times a week, which at my house sometimes happens. Sometimes you need to be able to put a movie in so you can have time to take a shower or clean the kitchen or get some other work done around the house; or maybe you just don't want to watch Cinderella three straight times in a row, I totally get that. I'm just saying, we need to make sure that our daughters aren't watching the movies alone every time. Watch the movies with your daughter and engage with your daughter during the movie. Talk to her about she is seeing and ask her what she thinks about what she is seeing. You may be surprised at her answers. Also, interject comments about how that may be okay behavior for Ariel, but it is not okay behavior for your little princess. Turn these viewings into teaching moments.
    The other thing I want to make clear, is that these are not lessons we can just share once and move on. We can't just tell our daughters all of these things right before or right after she watches a movie and expect it to stick. These are lessons that we should be instilling in her life on a daily basis. We should be talking about these things at the dinner table, while driving in the car, during family devotions, etc. These are things our daughters should hear repeatedly throughout the day, not just once or twice a week. Our daughters will not believe us, unless we repeat ourselves, a lot. Also, our daughters need to see us living out these lessons, not just telling them to her. She needs us, her parents, to set an example for how she should be.
 
1. Daughter, your identity is in Christ, first and foremost.
    Figured I would get the Jesus Juke out of the way right away. If our daughters do not learn that her identity is in Christ, she will spend much of her life trying to find her identity in other things. As a daughter who sought to identify myself in empty, non-eternal things, this one matters most to me. I want my daughter to understand that nothing else in the world will give her true value and worth, only when she identifies herself in Christ will she be whole.

2. Life is more than finding a guy.
     Our daughters should have many dreams, not just about finding a husband. We should ask our daughters about her dreams, encourage her dreams, remind her that her dreams are important. The right guy will be just as excited about her dreams as she is and will help her follow those dreams. Mr. Right will compliment her dreams, not complete them. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with our daughters dreaming about finding a husband, but if that is her only dream, we will end up with a boy obsessed young girl who is completely consumed about not being single. We need to teach our daughters to be okay in her singleness and pursue other dreams while she waits on God's timing for marriage.

3. You are beautiful and smart and funny and a million other things.
    I think that is very important for girls to be told they are beautiful, but that should not be the only thing we praise our daughters for. Girls need to hear, especially from their daddys, that they are beautiful so that they will feel beautiful, but they should also be told they are smart and funny and full of spunk and kind. We have to teach our daughters that her beauty is more than just about her appearance, her whole person makes her beautiful.

4. There is no one standard of beauty.
    This is something that needs to be instilled in our daughters early on and every single day. Our daughters are bombarded by a cultural standard of beauty that is impossible to attain. We need to be teaching our daughters that there is no one standard of beauty and they are beautiful just as they are.

5. Love is not instant and it is not all gumdrops and rainbows.
     Love takes time. You do not fall in real love with someone when your eyes meet across a crowded room. Your interest might be piqued, and you may feel serious attraction to a person in a first meeting, but real, true love takes time. It requires getting to know a person for who they really are and being vulnerable to let him get to know you. Love is a daily choice, not a flighty emotion. I wake up every day and decide to love my husband, and some days that choice is easier than others. Love requires hard work and a serious commitment and sometimes love is not pleasant.

6. Love does not mean "happily ever after."
    This point goes hand-in-hand with the previous point. Just because you are in love with someone does not mean that you will live happily ever after. Our daughters need to be told that the man she loves will disappoint her and he will let her down, and she will do the same to him. There will be times, in love, when our daughters will feel like giving up, and that is where our example as parents comes into play. Our daughters need to see that her parents struggle and get frustrated, but she also needs to see her parents work it out and make the effort. Our daughters will form her view of what love is really like by first watching us, the parents.

7. Drama is not an appropriate response.
    Our daughters need to be taught how to handle disappointment from an early age. Our daughters need to hear us say no and then we need to teach them how to respond appropriately to that no. My 3 year old daughter does not like being told no, and she often times will throw quite the fit when she does not get the answer she wants. When my little princess goes into drama mode, she is sent to her room until she can respond appropriately. Once she has calmed down, she can come out and we can talk. I tell her very clearly when I send her to her room that this behavior is not okay and it will not be tolerated. Our daughters need to learn early that life is not about getting everything we want and sometimes life is not fair. Throwing yourself down on the floor and sobbing will get you nothing in life.

8. God did not create you to be a helpless damsel in distress.
    I am a strong supporter of gender roles, which is another topic for another time, however, I do not believe that this means our daughters should not know how to take care of themselves. I believe that girls should know how to change a flat tire, swing a hammer, and unclog a toilet. There is no guarantee that a man will always be around to "rescue" our daughters. Our daughters need to be told that they are smart and strong and capable of "rescuing" themselves.

9. Obsession is not romantic.
   So often, love in the movies is portrayed with one or both of the people involved being completely obsessed with the other. Take Ariel for example, she is so obsessed with Prince Eric that she is willing to give up her family and possibly her life for the chance to be with him. Prince Eric is so obsessed with the mystery girl who saved him, that he is oblivious to the fact she is standing in front of him. Our daughters need to be taught that being obsessed with a guy does show her passion and true devotion to him, it shows she is a stalker. Romance is not stifling, obsession is. Obsession leads to distrust, loneliness, and a whole lot of drama. Teach your daughter the difference between obsession and romance.

10. Fairy tales are just that, tales.
    Our daughters need to be able to distinguish between reality and fantasy. Fairy tales are fantasy and they do not exist in the real world. Yes, there are beautiful loves stories out there, but even the most wonderful couples have gone through tough times, and if they say it was all rainbows and roses, they are lying. Our daughters need to realize that Prince Charming is not perfect and that life doesn't work out like in the fairy tales. Once again, our example will speak volumes. We shouldn't shelter our daughters from real life, let them see the struggles and the mess and let them see how to handle it. Don't lie to our daughters and make them think life is a fairy tale.

   We do not need to shelter our daughters from all the horrible lessons out there, we simply need to build a strong foundation for them to stand on so they will not be easily swayed.

Part One: What Lessons are the Disney Princesses Teaching Our Daughters

    I am going to do a two part series on Disney princesses. In part one I am going to talk about some of the things that Disney princesses teach our daughters that can be detrimental and then in part two I am going to talk about the things we should be teaching our daughters in light of the Disney princesses.
   Let me preface by saying, I love Disney princesses and Disney in general. I cannot even begin to count how many Disney movies we own. My kids love the Disney shows that are on Netflix. We are going to Disney World in February and we are super excited about it. My three year old daughter has many princess dress-up costumes and we watch at least one princess movie a day while her brother is at school. So this blog is not meant to be a call to boycott Disney movies or to plead with you to never let your daughters watch Disney princess movies. On the contrary, I simply want you to watch these movies with your daughter with your eyes open.
      Movies can have a huge, subconscious impact on the way we see the world, especially when we are young. Often times we don't even realize that our worldview is being shaped by what we watch, but it is. I do not believe in sheltering my children to the point they never watch any television unless it is all about Jesus. I don't watch TV like that and I don't expect my children to watch TV like that. Also, I am not naive enough to believe that my children will never watch something questionable. Instead, my hope and prayer is to be in constant dialogue with my children so that when something questionable comes over our television, they have a strong foundation of Christ honoring to stand on.

      For the purpose of this series, I am going to focus on the five "big" princesses: Snow White, Cinderella, Aurora (Sleeping Beauty), Ariel (The Little Mermaid), and Belle (Beauty and the Beast). I am going to be talking about some of the general things that I see across all five of these movies, and I am going to talk about two of these movies in particular.
      Before I jump into the detrimental things that I see Disney princesses teaching my daughter, I want to talk about some of the good things I see in Disney princesses. Almost all of the Disney princesses are kind and compassionate and hard-working. You see young women who think of others and truly care about the feelings of those around them. They also work hard, even when the work is unfair.
       I also see great examples of how to be respectful, even when the situation is less than desirable. Cinderella is never hateful towards her stepmother or stepsisters, even though she would be justified. Aurora is very unhappy about being a princess and not getting to see her boy from the woods again, yet she goes with the fairy godmothers and doesn't whine or complain. Belle is treated very poorly by the people in her village, yet she never lashes out at them or treats them with disrespect. This is a very important life lesson, that even when you don't like it, you still have to be respectful.
    Finally, all of these movies portray marriage in a favorable light, which I truly appreciate. I believe in marriage and I do hope that my daughter will grow up to value marriage. All of these movies show a man and a woman fall in love and get married and then live life together. The traditional view of marriage is there and even glorified. This post is not about marriage and what is right and wrong and if you disagree with my stance, then fine, send me an email and we will talk. However, I appreciate that these movies portray marriage in a way that is in line with how Aaron and I wish to raise our children.
     Now onto the not so great lessons these movies are teaching my daughter:

1. Beauty is something of great value and much of your worth lies in your looks.
     Every single Disney princess has the flawless skin, big red lips, teeny tiny waists, and classic beauty. Not a one of the "big" Disney princess is awkward or has acne or is large, they are all in line with what society deems as beautiful. Also, many times throughout each of these movies the beauty of the princess is mentioned in regards to someone loving her for that beauty or being jealous of her for that beauty. Much of a princess' worth is found in her appearance. This a dangerous lesson.

2. Love at first sight.
    This one aggravates me every time. Snow White is singing into a well, Prince Charming rides by and is automatically in love with her, without a word ever being spoken between them. Cinderella goes to a ball, Prince Charming sees her across the room, and they fall in love during their first dance. Aurora is singing in the forest, Prince Philip hears her, the sing and dance together for a little while and they are in love. Ariel sees Eric on his ship during his birthday party, they never speak and he never even sees her, yet she loves him. Belle is the only princess who actually spends some time with the prince before they fall in love. Love at first sight is not real and that initial infatuation definitely does not last. Love takes time and actually conversing with a person.

3. How a girl "in love" acts.
   Another thing that really gets to me. I remember falling in love with my husband. Did I think about him a lot, sure. Did I smile when I thought of him, probably. But I did not float around, humming to myself, lost in a dream world. I did not forget how to act like a normal person or how to perform daily duties. Falling in love, while a great and wonderful feeling, does not mean you act like a person with absolutely no sense. Grown-ups fall in love and still have to be grown-ups, they can't just sit around singing and dreaming about their true love.

4. The DRAMA!
    If you have ever watched a Disney princess movie you have seen at least one scene where the princess throws herself down onto a bed or a rock or a bench and sobs over the events of her life. Now I will grant Belle a little drama as her sobbing scene comes after agreeing to be the Beast's prisoner in exchange for the release of her father and she believes she will never see her father again. In that situation, I too would probably be a basket case. But in the other movies, the princess is just being dramatic. I have a three old daughter, and she has mastered the princess drama. If she doesn't get her chocolate milk the moment she wakes up, she will throw herself down on the floor and start to cry. These movies portray girls as hyper-emotional and they clearly have no control over themselves. Sweetheart, life is hard and sometimes life ain't fair, but you cannot throw a fit every time things don't go your way.

5. All you need is a husband to be happy.
    In most of the Disney princess movies, the princess spends all of her downtime dreaming about her perfect man who will whisk her away and they will live happily every after. This is not the way it works, and this a hard lesson that I myself had to learn. Getting married to a wonderful guy does not necessarily mean you are going to be happy. Happiness takes work and happiness is fickle. If all you aspire to have in life is a husband, than your life will be very empty and probably not all that happy. There is nothing wrong with wanting to meet Mr. Right and get married and be a wife, the problem comes when the search for your husband becomes all-consuming and your identity is found in whether or not you got a man. Girls should have many dreams, not just finding Prince Charming.

   Now that I have discussed some of the generalities I have seen in the Disney princess movies, I want to rant for a moment on one princess in particular: Ariel. Ariel is a selfish, egocentric brat. She is disobedient, and not because she is being mistreated or abused, but because she wants to be human, and even that is for selfish reasons. In her mind, humans have all the freedom they want and fathers don't reprimand their daughters (because discipline is bad) and if she becomes a human she will finally have everything she wants. She falls in love with a guy she has never met and justifies her blatant disrespect and disobedience of her father with the line, "but Daddy, I love him". Really, you love him, what's his last name? She is impulsive and makes naive, selfish choices just to get what she wants. Finally, she never really learns a lesson because in the end her father gives her everything she wants. With that being said, I do not forbid my daughter from watching The Little Mermaid. I do enjoy the music of The Little Mermaid and on the surface it is a cute movie, but I am very open in my comments that Ariel's behavior is not how my little princess should behave.
   Before you start to think that I believe all Disney princesses are out to teach my daughter horrible lessons, I want to talk about Belle. We actually rewatched Beauty and the Beast yesterday, and I must say, she is now my favorite princess. While yes she is beautiful, she more than just a pretty face. She is smart and loves to read. She loves her father very much and is willing to defend and protect him, even at the risk of ridicule by the villagers. Belle does not just dream of having a husband; she wants adventure and to learn all she can, and if a guy comes along who shares in her dream, than cool. Most Disney princesses are portrayed as helpless damsels in distress, but not Belle, she is brave and willing to sacrifice her life to save her father and she is not afraid to stand up to the Beast. I love that this movie does not have a "love at first sight" moment. Mrs. Pots says, "love takes time," and we actually watch Belle and Beast spend time together, begin to simply like each other, and then fall in love. Finally I love how this movie shows that love sometimes means sacrifice. The Beast sacrifices his chance at being human again so that Belle can go be with her sick father. So while there are a few little things that I don't love, in all I think this movie is a great one to watch.
     I know that for some of you I have burst your bubble on Disney princesses and others are thinking, well great I can never watch these movies again, but please do not despair. As I said earlier, my goal is not to have you stop watching Disney princess movies. In tomorrow's post I will talk about the lessons and values we should be instilling in our daughters, so that when they watch the Disney princess movies, they will have a strong foundation and not believe the lies they are being told.

Day Five: How God Speaks to Me Through Song

   Today is the final day of the music series here on the old blog and I am going to confess that I lied at the beginning of the week. I told you on Day One that I was going to feature only Sojourn music, but then I realized that one of the songs I desperately wanted to include was actually not written by anyone at Sojourn, it was instead written by Brian Eichelberger from Mars Hill Church in Seattle. I looked through the many songs that Sojourn has written to replace today's song, and while they are all amazing, this particular song has a very special place in my heart. So I decided to break my own rules and include a non-Sojourn song. I am compromising by including the Sojourn adaptation of the song.

Satisfied in You Audio

Satisfied in You
Brian Eichelberger
© 2009 Brian Eichelberger. Some rights reserved under the
Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial 3.0 License.

I have lost my appetite
And a flood is welling up behind my eyes
So I eat the tears I cry
And if that were not enough
They know just the words to cut and tear and prod
When they ask me “Whereʼs your God?”
So why are you downcast, oh my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
I can remember when you showed your face to me
As a deer pants for water, so my soul longs for you
And when I survey Your splendor, You so faithfully renew
Like a bed of rest for my fainting flesh 
I am satisfied in You
So when Iʼm looking at the ground
Itʼs an inbred feedback loop that drags me down
So itʼs time to lift my brow
And remember better days
When I loved to worship you and learn your ways
With the sweetest songs of praise
Let my sighs give way to songs that sing about your faithfulness
Let my pain reveal your glory as my only real rest
Let my losses show me all I truly have is you
So when Iʼm drowning out at sea
And all your breakers and your waves crash down on me
Iʼll recall your safety scheme
Youʼre the one who made the waves
And your Son went out to suffer in my place
Just to show me that Iʼm safe
So why are you downcast, oh my soul?
Why so disturbed within me? 
I am satisfied in you

    I had heard this song many times during my time at Sojourn, but it was not until a particular Sunday morning in at the end of 2012 when this song became real to me.
    It was the Saturday before New Year's Eve in 2012, I was at home with the kids while Aaron was working. Around lunchtime on that day I got a text from Aaron telling me that he was currently in a meeting with his manager and they were on the phone with some higher ups in the company and that he was pretty sure he was getting fired. It was not long after that when Aaron informed me that he was being sent home. Turns out Aaron had shared some company information with someone he was not supposed to and he was going to be fired. Aaron was such a man about the whole thing; he accepted responsibility and understood that he fully deserved being fired. However, it was scary to look ahead and realize that he would not have a job starting in the new year, and my income as a nanny would not be enough to sustain our family.
    The next morning we went to church as we always do and we both felt as if we had the weight of the world on our shoulders. Aaron was feeling guilt and shame over his choices and what that meant for our family. I was worried about Aaron, and also our financial situation, and I was focused on loving Aaron and doing my best to not add anymore grief to what he was already feeling. The whole service that morning seemed perfectly manufactured for us. The whole morning we truly felt the presence of our Father offering us comforting and peace. It was on this particular morning that we sang "Satisfied in You" and it was like I was hearing the song for the first time.
     My posture was very much like the song. I was downcast, staring at the ground, and my soul was disturbed. Then the line, "so it's time to lift my brow" came in the song, I did just that. I physically lifted my head towards heaven and I began to recall all the ways God had provided for us in the past. The burden was being lifted from my heart and I was giving my troubles to God because he was big enough to handle it.
    As we reached the bridge of the song I was becoming quite emotional as I realized that this song described me. When Brooks sang the line, "Let my losses show me that all I truly have is you," my soul was shouting inside me, "Yes, all I have is Christ and he is enough!" By the final verse of the song I was crying so hard that I could not even sing the words, I could only stand there mouthing them and cry. Aaron and I truly felt like we were drowning out at sea on that day. We needed to be reminded that God had made the waves and that he had prepared a way for our salvation through the death of his Son, Jesus Christ, and that we were going to be okay. That morning I experienced true satisfaction in Christ as he was all I had to lean on.
    This is why I love music so much. Music is able to speak into a situation when sometimes words cannot break through. I don't think I would have listened to someone had they just spoken these truths to me. I think that I would have been too consumed by my own little world to hear anything said to me. But the music was able to reach into my soul and make me listen.
    Are you downcast? Is your soul disturbed within you? Then lift your brow and look to Christ. He is sufficient to give you rest and provide for your every need. He will keep you safe and provide, he will not leave you to drown. Call out to Christ, grab hold to him and let him hold you up. All you need is Christ, find rest and satisfaction in that truth.
   

Day Four: How God Speaks to Me Through Song

    Today I am featuring one of my favorite songs, Come Ye Sinners. This is one of those songs that presents the gospel so beautifully and I can listen to it over and over again (in fact I am listening to it as I write this post).

Come Ye Sinners Audio

Come Ye Sinners

Joseph Hart, Brooks Ritter

CCLI License #1888971

©Sojourn Community Church 2012

Come, ye sinners, poor and needy
Weak and wounded, sick and sore;
Jesus ready stands to save you,
Full of pity, love and power.

Come, ye thirsty, come, and welcome,
God's free bounty glorify;
True belief and true repentance,
Every grace that brings you nigh.

Come, ye weary, heavy laden,
Lost and ruined by the fall;
If you tarry 'til you're better,
You will never come at all.
You will never come at all.

On the bloody Cross behold Him,
Sinner, will this not suffice,
Lo! the incarnate God ascended,
Pleads His perfect sacrifice.

Let not conscience make you linger,
Not of fitness fondly dream;
All the fitness He requireth,
Is to feel your need of Him. 

    This song is just so beautiful and so full of truth. We are all sinners, poor, needy, weak, wounded, sick and sore. We are all in desperate need of a savior, and Jesus is standing ready to save us. God has provided us with the grace necessary to come into His holy presence. With belief and repentance, God sets us free through the death of Jesus. We are lost and ruined and none of us can make ourselves good enough to come before God.
     One of my favorite parts of this song is the final lines of the chorus; "if you tarry 'til you're better, you will never come at all." There is no waiting until you make yourself better, because you never can. Only Jesus makes you good enough to come before God.
    My other favorite part of this song is the second verse. This is exactly my sentiment when I think of those who have yet to accept Jesus as their Savior. Is Jesus' perfect sacrifice not enough? What more do you need? Over the past few months, as Jesus has become more and more important to me, my desire to see the nations come to know him has grown. I want everyone to experience this joy and assurance that I have. This is one of the reasons I started this blog. My hope is that someone will read my posts and feel the Holy Spirit tug on her heart and call out to Jesus to save her.
    So today, as you listen to one of my favorite songs and you read the lyrics, open your heart to the prodding of the Holy Spirit. If you feel the Spirit tug at your heart, answer that call. You are never going to be able to do enough good deeds to atone for your sins. All you can do is plead the sacrifice of Jesus. Take Christ today and live with the assurance of your salvation.

Day Three: How God Speaks to Me Through Song

*I want to apologize that this post is a day late. It seems that everyone in my house is sick and yesterday was spent mostly in the doctor's office and pharmacy.

    Today I am featuring "We Are Changed." This is a song that always gets me dancing in church and just makes me feel good.

We Are Changed Audio

We Are Changed
Dave Moisan, Bobby Gilles, and Neil Robins
©2008 Sojourn Community Church and Bobby Gilles
CCLI Song #5429004
CCLI License #1888971 1

Not any government on earth no law that God has given  
No will of man no blood no birth can raise a soul to Heaven  
The sovereign will of God alone prepares the heirs of grace  
Born in the image of His son a chosen holy race.  

Itʼs through Your Spirit     
Through Your sacrificial Son. 

We are changed, no longer in chains     
Once were enslaved but the Son has come
And conquered the grave, so we are changed. 
We are changed not by the things weʼve arranged    
Not by the work our hands have done 
Itʼs through Your Son that we are changed.  

Our quickened souls awake and rise from sin and shame and death.  
On heavenly things we fix our eyes His praise employs our breath

Not any government on earth no law that God has given 
No will of man no blood no birth can raise a soul to Heaven

   This is one of those songs of encouragement and hope in our salvation through Jesus Christ. I love this song because it articulates so clearly how our salvation is not done by us. We have absolutely no power to get to Heaven, it is only the sovereign will of God.
    My favorite part of this song is the chorus. I was once a slave to sin until Jesus broke my chains and set me free. Those who know me will attest to the fact that in the past 6 months there has been a great change in my life. I am not the same person all because of the work of Jesus in my life. This song just really applies to me right now.
     I hope that you too will find encouragement in this song and the fact that Jesus has already done all the work. There is nothing you can do to earn God's favor, Jesus has already done all the work when he died on the cross and rose again. I hope that you rejoice in change in your life through Jesus. Take time today to thank Jesus for his power that saved you from sin and death.
    If you have not experienced the change that comes from Jesus, I encourage you to accept the salvation that comes from Jesus and you too can rejoice in the change that salvation can bring. Release the weight of trying to save yourself and experience the true freedom that only comes from Christ.

Day Two: How God Speaks to Me Through Song

   Today I am going to share an older song, and by older I mean from 2007. I say it is older because it is not in the regular rotation at church, but it was when we first started attended Sojourn in 2009. This song was written by Charlie Richardson and it is titled, "There Is A Peace."

There is a Peace Audio 

There is a Peace

Charlie Richardson

© 2007 Sojourn Community Church

CCLI Song #5133888

CCLI License #1888971

Come weary and tired worn out from life
Step out of the shadows and walk into light
Come sinner or saint, slave man or free
Bring blessings and offerings, then you shall see
Bring blessings and offering, then you shall see

There's a peace to settle your soul
There is a peace that is calling you home

You've been tempted and shaken, tested and failed
You've been so far from Jesus, too close to hell
Your vision's been clouded by this world's delight
But I tell you you're not of this world so stand up and fight
You're not of this world so stand up and fight

There's a peace to settle your soul
There is a peace that is calling you home
There is a peace to settle your soul
There is a peace that is calling you home
There is a peace perfect and true
The Prince of peace is calling for you


    This is one of those songs that when we do sing it in church I can't seem to raise my hands high enough and I can't smile big enough and I can't sing it loud enough. This song always brings me peace and comfort.
   I am a stay at home and I also nanny a precious little boy in my home during the week, so I know about being tired and weary and worn out from life. There are days when all I want to do is curl up under a blanket, watch Gilmore Girls on DVD and just check out from life. There are days when I just don't have peace-I am filled with anxiety over how the bills are going to be paid or I am stressed out because my kids are being kids and bickering constantly or I am angry because my kids just are not listening to me. I need the peace of Christ everyday, and especially on the days when I am not trusting in Jesus.
    This song also speaks to those times when I am lost in my sin. Even as a child of God, I struggle with sin. There are times when I don't listen to the Holy Spirit prodding at my heart and I do whatever I want to do. This song give me hope. There have been times when I have been close to hell and very far from Jesus. I have been woed by this world and believed that the world's delights will bring me peace and happiness. There are times when I feel so weakened by the weight of my sin that I don't think I can do anything to defeat it. It is because of those times that I love the final line of the second verse, "You're not of this world so stand up and fight!" When we sing this song in church, I am usually bouncing up and down, pumping my fist in the air, and singing this line at the top of my lungs. I need to be reminded that I am not of this world and my power does not come from me, my power is Jesus and because of that power I can stand up and fight!! That is good news!!
    Today's song is a little shorter, but man is it good. I hope that you will listen to it and read the words and rest in the peace that comes only from Jesus. If you are feeling far from Jesus and close to hell, call on Jesus to give you the power to stand up and fight. If you are weary and tired and worn out from life, Jesus, the Prince of Peace is calling you home, listen to that call; come home.

Day One: How God Speaks to Me Through Song

     I have decided that this week I am going to focus solely on Sojourn originals. I want everyone to experience the amazing music that comes out of my church and to see how well the gospel is presented every week, through the music and through the teaching. There are so many songs that I want to do, and if this series is a hit, I might just do it again and use non-Sojourn songs. So, for this week, I hope you enjoy the music that has come out of my church.

  The first song I want to share with the blogosphere is "Lead Us Back". This song was written by Brooks Ritter and Bobby Gilles. The song can be found on the Before the Throne album that was released in 2007. Both of these men are elders at our church. If you come to the Midtown campus, which is the campus I attend, you will more than likely see Brooks on the stage leading music. We sang this song yesterday during the service and it is just amazing.

 Lead Us Back Audio

Lead Us Back
Bobby Gilles and Brooks Ritter

©2006 Bobby Gilles and Sojourn Community Church

CCLI Song #4878333

CCLI License #1888971

Falling down upon our knees
Sharing now in common shame
We have sought security
Not the cross that bears Your name

Fences guard our hearts and homes
Comfort sings a siren tune
We’re a valley of dry bones
Lead us back to life in You

Lord we fall upon our knees
We have shunned the weak and poor
Worshipped beauty, courted kings
And the things their gold affords

Prayed for those we’d like to know
Favor sings a siren tune
We’ve become a talent show
Lead us back to life in You

You have caused the blind to see
We have blinded him again
With our man-made laws and creeds
Eager, ready to condemn

Now we plead before Your throne
Power sings a siren tune
We’ve been throwing heavy stones
Lead us back to life in You

   Oh where to even begin. The first two stanzas of this song are so convicting for me. I like to feel safe and I really like to be in control. I often think that my plans are better than God's plan and oh so often I get in the way of God working in my life. Too many times I seek comfort and security instead of Jesus.
   I love the line, "we're a valley of dry bones." This is a reference to Ezekiel 37 where the prophet is shown a valley of dry bones and the Lord asks Ezekiel, "Can these bones live?" Later in the chapter, the Lord tells Ezekiel to prophesy over the bones and while Ezekiel is doing just that the Lord brings those dry bones back to life. I love that even when I am a valley of dry bones, the Lord still has the power to bring me back to life. I can't do it on my own power, it is only the power of Jesus that can bring me back to life.
    The next two stanzas are also very convicting for me. I know that I have so often sought for people to like me, often not caring the cost. I don't know about you, but I like being in someone's favor. The part that always gets me is the line, "We've become a talent show." I am guilty of wanting recognition. I used to sing solos at church, not to glorify God, but so that people would compliment me after the service. When I was in the youth group, I would always volunteer to share my testimony on youth Sunday, because I wanted people to tell me how wonderful I was. I also tend to volunteer for many things at church simply so I will be recognized by the leadership. Songs like this have convicted to me to search my heart when I volunteer to serve, to make sure that I am doing it for the right reasons.
    The final two stanzas really hit home with me yesterday. How often do we create our own laws and expectations that we impose on people just so we can condemn them when they fail. Jesus came to give sight to the blind, and we are just like the Pharisee so often. We are currently working through the book of John at church and a few Sundays ago we studied John chapter 9 when Jesus heals a man who was born blind on a Sabbath. The man was brought before the Pharisees and they were so consumed by the fact that Jesus made mud on the Sabbath, which is consider working, that they could not rejoice in the miracle a man being given his sight. They were blinded by their man-made laws and creeds. We are so often like this, missing the miracle for the laws.
     The final thing that I want to point out from this song is the final line of each verse, "Lead us back to life in You." I love this line because it shows how I can do nothing. Recently I have really come to realize, and delight in, the truth that I had nothing to do with my salvation. Jesus is the one who lived the perfect life, the one I could not live. Jesus is the one who died on the cross, a death I deserved to die as punishment for my many sins. Jesus was the one who rose on the third day defeating death, I have absolutely no power over death. It is Jesus and Jesus only who saves me. All I could do was call out, "Save me Jesus." When I was younger I used to believe that I played some part in my salvation, because I admitted that I was sinner and I believed that Jesus is Lord and repented of my sins and turned to Jesus. I have come to realize that none of that was of my own power, it was the prompting of the Holy Spirit in my heart. I love the reminder that even when I stray or make poor choices, Jesus has the power to lead me back to life in Him. Hallelujah!!
    I hope you take a few minutes to listen to the song this morning and that you will let the truth wash over you. I hope this song convicts you like it convicts me and that you will ask Jesus to lead you back to life in Him. If you have never experienced life with Jesus, I pray that you will seek that life today. 

How God Speaks to me Through Song

    This week I am going to do something I have not done yet on the blog: a series. Each day I am going to share a song and talk about how God has spoken to me through that song. When I can I will include an audio recording of that song.
    I love music; I always have. I grew up surrounded by music. My grandparents and my dad sang in the choir, my dad played guitar, and starting in sixth grade I played clarinet (then bass clarinet, then piano, then tenor saxophone, then alto saxophone). When I was in seventh grade I began singing in various choirs and eventually formed a little singing group with my dad and younger sister and we would sing at local churches. I love music.
      Music has always spoken to me. I am that person who will cry at a sad song, laugh at a happy song, and literally start jumping to an inspirational song (granted that jumping is more like a low hop, but hey it is jumping to me). For as long as I can remember, the lyrics to a song could always break through to my heart. I could be in church and hear a really great sermon, but it will be one of  the songs we sing during the service that I will carry home with me.
      I go to a really awesome church in Louisville, Sojourn Community Church, and they really value music.In fact, one of the reasons I fell in love with our church was because of a song we sang that second Sunday we attended, I knew then that we had found our church home. We have a praise band at every gathering, whether it be the Sunday morning service, a conference, or member's meeting. Our church loves to sing praises to our Lord. Sojourn has an amazing music ministry that fosters fantastic song writing. A lot of the music we sing on a given Sunday has been written by a member of Sojourn. It was while we were singing a Sojourn original this morning at church that I was inspired to do this series. You will get to experience some of the music from Sojourn this week.
     The plan for this series is to present the lyrics to a song and then go through the truths that have been spoken to me through that song. I will hopefully include an audio recording of the song at the end of each post so that you can hear the music, not just read the lyrics. I hope that you will join me this week as I talk about a subject that means so much to me.

Start the New Year with No More Shame!

    It is that time of year when everyone makes their New Year's Resolutions. This year I am going to run everyday. This year I am going to lose 50 pounds. This year I am going to eat healthier. This year I am going to be more organized. The list goes on and on. Most people keep their resolve for about 2 weeks and by February they have completely given up. I have a resolution suggestion that requires very little work on your part: live a life of no more shame.
    Shame is a topic that I know all too well. If you have read any of my previous blog posts, you know a little of my story. I was raised with the mindset of always being good. I remember being told by my parents and grandparents to behave because I represented our family every time I walked out the door. At church, the story was not much different. I grew up going to church every time the doors were opened and much of the teachings revolved around morality; following God's rules and not sinning because sinners go to hell. Unfortunately, I never grasped the concept that it is only by the power of Jesus that I can do anything. I believed that it was up to me to follow the rules and "be good."
     I was carrying a very heavy burden, that I was never meant to bear. I tried really hard to do the right thing and I failed miserably, a lot. Every time I broke one of the rules I would feel horrible and the guilt would set in. Guilt has a lovely way of taking up residence deep in your gut and before long it invites its old buddy shame to move right in. As I got older my sins got, bigger you might say. I was doing things that I knew were wrong and I was living a life that was a total contradiction from the way I was raised. I always felt bad about what I was doing, but I did not possess the will power to say no. And my shame kept me in this spiral of sin and guilt.
      Every time I would resolve to give up a specific sin, my shame would start replaying this movie reel of every time I had failed in the past. It was horrible and my resolve would just fall to pieces. It wasn't long into high school that I just gave up trying at all. My shame had become a permanent resident in my soul and I wasn't good enough to do anything about it.
      Shame makes you feel completely worthless. You are not good enough to accomplish anything and if you try you are just going to fail again. My shame led me to seek worth and value in guys. I always had to have a boyfriend. In my entire middle school and high school career I don't think I went more than a week without a boyfriend. My worth was dependent on having a guy like me. I would change my identity to match whatever I thought would get me the most attention. When I had a boyfriend I would lose all sense of self and suddenly I liked whatever he liked and I did whatever he wanted me to do. My shame kept me in these unhealthy relationships because I believed I wasn't worth any better.
     My senior year in high school my grandfather died after a long battle with cancer. This was the first time I had ever lost a grandparent and I was devastated. My life was turned completely upside down and I began to see just how out of control everything was. I became very angry and bitter at God and at most of the world. I was lashing out and just hoping that someone would notice and rescue me.
    Then I went to summer camp, just like every other summer since I was 12, but this time something was different. I was very open with my anger and my doubts and my feelings of shame and worthlessness. On one of the final nights of camp I found my group leader and I told her how God could never forgive someone like me. She prayed with me and showed me that God loved me so much he sent Jesus to die for me and nothing I could ever do would keep him from loving me. I tell people that I met God face-to-face that night. I threw everything I had at God and I beat his chest with fists, and when I was completely spent I fell into the arms of my heavenly Father. God did not push me away in disgust, instead he wrapped his arms around me and called me his beloved child.
    In that moment the shame that had been living in my gut for so long was given its eviction notice. Now my shame put up a fight, but for the first time I did not have to fight it, I simply leaned on Jesus and let him battle for me. It took some time but finally the shame was gone and I began to see myself in a new light. Jesus became my identity and my worth was found solely in him.
    I don't want you to think that I trusted in Jesus and I have never struggled with shame ever again, because that is just not the case. I have to daily trust in Jesus to be my identity and trust that his death on the cross is enough to cover all my sins. When I fail by screaming at my kids or giving my husband the silent treatment for a petty infraction or I lose my temper, I remember that I live by grace and this gives me the confidence to ask forgiveness and try again.
     You might be asking yourself, why are you telling me all this? My hope and prayer is that my story will give you hope. Maybe you are living with shame that has immobilized you and you believe that you are worthless. Maybe you, like me, are seeking to define yourself by people or things. Maybe you have lost all hope and are just wishing someone will come rescue you. That someone is Jesus.
      Jesus left his home in heaven to come to this earth to live a perfect life that we could never live. Jesus then died on the cross, a death he did not deserve, all so he could be the ultimate sacrifice to forgive all of our sins. He then rose three days later to defeat death once and for all, so that if you believe in him you can go through life confidently with no fear of death. Jesus is enough, his grace and forgiveness are sufficient. No matter what your past holds, Jesus' death pays the full price. You do not have to do it alone, you do not have to carry the burden of failure and shame. Jesus' grace can free you from the cycle you are in and give you the confidence and strength to keep trying. Call on the name of Jesus to save you from your mess and believe in his power to set you free.
       You have already been chosen by Jesus and he has done all the work, you simply have to accept his gift and walk in new life with him.